Page 33 of Bargaining for the Barrister
“I am not here to change the arrangement from Mr. Sheldon to Lord Reynolds.” Louisa pointed to the viscount’s house and dropped her hands. Logan was her only living family, and he did not understand her at all.
“Then, what are you doing?”
Her calm demeanor slipped, and she struggled to regain it. She hated to burden him—to make it feel like this was at all his fault—but she needed him to see a glimpse of what had motivated this decision. “Attempting to find myself.”
“What does that even mean?”
Every bone in her body seemed to ache with the burden she had carried since the funeral. Her voice was soft, almost lost in a sudden breeze. “I did my best this last year in Manchester, but I was lost, Logan.”
Confusion wrinkled his brow. “You were happy at home. I saw it. Everyone saw it.”
She would always be grateful for what she’d learned through pushing herself to put one foot in front of the other, but she’d only been as satisfied as an emotionally paralyzed woman could be. “When Lady Kellen came to Manchester, I knew there was a way to be even happier. Brookeside has something for me; I’m sure of it. Maybe it’ll be one of Lady Kellen’s stories of Mama. Maybe it’ll be the escape from my relentless suitors. Only heaven knows, but I need time to find out.”
“Time?” He huffed, almost masking the pain in his eyes she knew her words brought him. “All right. I’ll give you two weeks.”
She shook her head. “We agreed to a month. Any less makes the return journey too soon for you.”
Throwing up his hands, he conceded. “If at any moment before the month is out you change your mind, do not hesitate to write to me.”
He wasn’t a physically affectionate brother, but she threw her arms around him before he could resist her. “Thank you, Logan. I need this.”
Reluctantly, he hugged her back. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry things didn’t work out with you and Mr. Sheldon.”
Part of her was sorry too. Pulling back, she made sure her smile was in place. “Safe travels,” she said.
Logan climbed into the carriage and gave her one last wave. She stayed rooted in place until the carriage carried her brother from view. She missed him already. A few drops of rain urged her to retreat to the house. She turned, taking in the grandness of the earl’s home. She had yet to meet him, as parliament was still in session, requiring him to remain in London. Meeting his house, though, was quite a pleasure.
A dozen broad steps led to the brown-bricked manor, and twice as many decorative turrets shot from its roof. It was largely two stories, but just in the front middle, it was built up with another floor in a set of trusses, like a crown over the house. As Louisa lowered her gaze from the highest center turret, she saw Lady Kellen’s son, Lord Reynolds. Framed in an upstairs window, he stood looking down at her. Even at this distance, she could sense his disapproval of her presence. Reflexively, her throat tightened at the same time he dropped the curtain.
Accept what comes with a measure of grace. “Oh, Papa,” she said out loud. “What about when I’ve brought the mess upon myself?”
y
Louisa had thought Lady Kellen would have more time for her, but a countess had a great many social obligations. On the first morning after arriving, she announced over breakfast her meeting with her musical club.
“I do hope you’ll excuse me. It’s an exclusive membership, and I know I would offend the ladies if I brought a friend without first gaining their approval.”
Louisa clasped one of Lady Kellen’s hands across the table, as she had often done to her own mama. Instead of the gesture flooding her with hurt, however, this time the familiarity brought her comfort. “We will have plenty of other opportunities together. Go enjoy yourself.”
Thankfully, Lord Reynolds had made himself quite scarce and was suspiciously absent even at meals. Louisa had hardly seen more than a glimpse of him. With an empty house to herself, she wandered aimlessly through it, content to gain her bearings. The monstrous manor held many charms: a two-story ballroom, an even larger library than the Sheldons’ had, and not one but two fishing ponds. Even so, Louisa wished she had the gardens at Rothbrier. They reminded her so much of her mother’s gardens back home. And she found herself missing the Sheldons too. It was likely the rain and the quiet and not the lack of warmth. But even so, a grand house could never replace people.
The second day at Bellmont proved to be very similar to the first, with more rain and an ever-occupied Lady Kellen, but by the third morning, Louisa hoped to feel more settled. She and Lady Kellen sat in the drawing room in preparation for the calling hours, and they finally had a quiet moment when it was just the two of them. Louisa relaxed against the stark white sofa and ran her hand along the gilded edges.
“I have neglected you, and I am terribly sorry for it.” Lady Kellen unlocked the tall, ornate cabinet by the door and collected tea leaves from it.
“I do not mind.” Although, in truth, Louisa felt terribly pent-up with little to do. She made a point of removing her shawl to cover any emotions that might unintentionally reveal themselves in a direct gaze.
Lady Kellen came and sat beside her on the sofa. She set the tea leaves on the small table in front of the sofa and then turned her knees toward Louisa. “I know you’ve been anxious to hear stories about your mother, but the truth is most of my memories are through letters.”
“What can you tell me?” Louisa asked. Every memory shared seemed to keep her mother alive in her mind.
“We met at a ball simply by chance.”
“Truly? I cannot imagine you running in the same circles.”
“This was before either of us had married. Your mother was staying with a cousin, Mrs. Beacher, who was quite well-connected at the time but has since passed on. It was your mother’s first Season and my third. She was younger but far more confident. Her smile dazzled all the gentlemen, and the only dance she sat out that night was because of me.”
“Did something happen?”
