Page 19 of Refining the Debutante
Sarah hurried over to see the damage. “No use stitching it back together. The fabric has gone to shreds.”
Miranda heaved a sigh and bent over to keep scrubbing.
“Surely you can change into another dress.”
“I am saving them,” Miranda said a little too forcefully. The idea of waltzing back into Society as the old her was ridiculous, but still. She couldn’t bring herself to destroy the fantasy.
The two worked in silence for a spell after that, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Sarah asked, “What exactly ended things between you and the Honorable Mr. Roderick?”
Miranda would never have had this conversation months ago, but Sarah was not just the maid any longer. “It was a summation of things, really, with a spectacular performance for the finale.”
“Your performance?” Sarah asked.
“It was a card party with loads of boring people. I was in royal form.”
“Oh dear,” Sarah said.
“Let’s see. I offended a group of philanthropists, Miss Withers, and Miss Karlson. Then the hostess, Mrs. Grantham, grew upset once she discovered it. And I likely offended Mrs. Jones, too, because when she spoke to me about her illusions of poor health, I told her how to dress better.” Miranda used the back of her hand to push back her mobcap. “Not all of my mistakes were intentional, I would have you know. I blame Mr. Roderick for introducing me to Miss Withers, his new neighbor. A switch just flipped inside of me. I am sure his interest was greater than he admitted, and I had to let him know how I felt about her. Besides, at the time, I thought both her and Miss Karlson so beneath me that it would not matter to anyone.”
She moved to clean the next step and continued. “Judge me as you want, but it was self-preservation. I only accepted the invitation in the first place because Mr. Roderick encouraged me to.”
She would have continued to pour out her soul, but a wet rag to her face stopped her. She gasped and peeled the smelly, dripping cloth from her hair and face. She scowled at Sarah. “Why did you do that?”
“Mr. Roderick is not a rake! Even someone blind with only two teeth could decipher that much about his character.”
“Two teeth?” Miranda blustered. “You have never even met the man! Gentlemen often have wandering eyes.”
“Servants stoke the fires, bring in the tea, open and close the front door. Servants are everywhere. We know a great deal more than you think.”
“That is most disturbing,” Miranda said, even though she was embarrassed by her obvious ignorance.
“You thought we were all too stupid to pick up on anything.” Sarah stood to leave.
“Wait,” Miranda pleaded. “I think a dirty rag to the face is punishment enough. You don’t have to keep helping me, but please, stay and talk.”
Sarah folded her arms but remained in place.
“Truly,” Miranda said, “I am sorry for my many character failings. I know I was wrong and have suffered for it.” Her list of regrets seemed only to grow. “Perhaps a person does not have to be the same as always. Perhaps a person can change and be different—better, even.” Maybe this was a greater fantasy than being able to wear her dresses again.
“I believe people can change,” Sarah said, her features finally softening. “I even believe you can.”
Gooseflesh erupted on Miranda’s arms, and she blinked back tears. “Thank you, Sarah. I am not promising any miracles, but I do want to better myself. I still want pretty things and people to wait on me though. I cannot erase those longings.” Ethan’s hurtful words about her vanity haunted her.
“It’s natural to want more than you can have,” Sarah said as if there were something in particular she herself was dreaming about, “but there is a dignified way to go about it. For example, if a lady is in want of shade, she need not wallow in the mud like a pig. She simply uses a parasol.”
Miranda wondered at the wisdom a young maid could possess. “I do not like being compared to a pig.”
“You do snort.”
Miranda glared.
“I meant you can still have all the things in the world, but you don’t have to be greedy about it. You can be grateful. You can be humble.”
Miranda sat down on the dry step above where she was working. “I simply wanted to stand out. To be noticed.”
“You were noticed, but likely not in the ways that reflected well on you.” Sarah came and sat down next to her. “It is good that you are being honest with yourself—a worthy trait.”
“Did you just admit I have some virtues?” Miranda put her hand over her heart.
