Page 39 of Hello Handsome
I shook my head at her, saying, “My boys always said, ‘Jinx, can’t talk until you say my name three times.’”
“Gray, Gray, Gray,” she said, voice barely rising over a whisper. But it still had my mind picturing other ways she might say my name with her pretty lips.
But before I let my mind go there, I knew it was time.
I needed to tell Aggie how I felt.
No more holding back pieces of my heart.
No more playing scared.
“Aggie, there’s something I need to tell you.” I stopped at a bench on the end of a row, and she sat beside me, watching intently with her brown eyes that were nearly black in the dimly lit courtyard.
“Is everything okay?” she asked, a worry line pinching her eyebrows.
I nodded, swallowing down my nerves.
And my mind flashed back to the night I told Maya I loved her for the first time.
I’d found a field of sunflowers. Not the wild ones growing in ditches, but a full field. We walked out between the blooms, the flowers stretching above our heads creating a special world for us, shading us from the evening sun, hiding us from anything but each other.
“I wish I had a camera,” Maya breathed, turning in circles. The leaves were all shades of yellow, some catching the rays from overhead, some darker yellow in the shadows.
“I don’t need one,” I replied. I knew I’d remember this moment forever. “But it would be nice.”
She turned to me, a confused look speaking loudly in her features despite her silence.
“If I had a camera, I’d take pictures of every moment with you so I could enjoy them twice.”
“Gray?” Aggie said. “Is everything okay?”
I swallowed, realizing I’d gotten lost in a memory again. My therapist had been working with me on grounding, and he said it would take practice to be more present, especially in moments where I felt so vulnerable. Something I wasn’t used to feeling as a six-foot-two cowboy.
I nodded to ease some of Aggie’s worries and took a steadying breath. I remembered Dr. Benson’s tool. I could do it in seconds now.
Five things I could see.Aggie’s long eyelashes. Her full lips. The slight dimple in her chin. Her hand clasped in her lap. The mood ring she spun around her finger.
Four things I could hear.The breeze. A car in the distance. Aggie’s slow breath. The crack in my ears with my swallow.
Three things I could feel.The bench. My shirt on my skin. The soft wind lifting my short hair.
Two things I could smell.Her perfume. The subtle hint of chlorine.
And one thing I could taste?The metallic twinge of nerves at what I was about to say.
“Aggie, I love you.”
Her lips opened, the flesh slowly tugging apart. “What?”
“I love you,” I echoed. “I know we’ve stopped and started in the last few years. I’ve given you reasons to doubt a future with me considering my past with Maya…” Her eyes glistened with building moisture, and I took her hand, hating that I’d ever hurther. “When I think of what I’d want in someone to share my life with, Aggie, you’re it.”
She blinked quickly. “Oh, Gray.” It was a reverent whisper.
I tilted my head, watching her, silently pleading for a sign that she could feel the same way.
And then she gave me that smile. The one that made me feel like I was doing something right.
Just before she said, “I love you too.”
