Page 29 of Hello Handsome
My mind was a big, jumbled mess by the time the music changed and everyone stood to see Maggie coming down the aisle.
Aggie covered her mouth with her hands, a muffled, “She’s so pretty,” breaking through.
I could hardly tear my eyes away from Aggie to look at the bride. Not when her dark-brown hair fell around her face, framing her full cheeks and complementing her brown eyes reflecting a golden hue in the sunset.
Good thing I had an appointment with Dr. Benson Monday morning because it wasn’t right to be so transfixed on the woman in my present when all my brain could think about was the woman I promised forever to.
The pastor must have asked everyone to sit down, so I followed suit. Maya climbed into my lap, and at nine years old, I wondered how much longer I had of these moments. She’d be a teenager soon, too cool for her grandpa, just like her dad and uncles were.
Aggie smiled over at us, giving Maya a wink.
It felt… right.
And guilt washed over me again, because I should have been sharing moments like these with my wife. A divorce would have been easier because I’d know where we stood.
I’d know she was no longer my wife.
No longer mine to love.
And maybe moving on would be easier with that closure. Ironic, considering death was the ultimate end.
Soft fingertips brushed the back of my hand, and when I glanced over, I saw Aggie reaching for my hand
19
AGGIE
I’d knownGray long enough to tell when he was hurting. So when tears started to fall during the wedding, I knew he needed me. I reached for his hand, and he squeezed mine back. Tears fell down his cheeks, which he wiped away with his other hand.
And at the end of the ceremony, when Maya ran back to her parents and people were shuffling by to go to the reception in the metal shop building nearby, I pulled Gray aside.
“Is everything okay?” I whispered, looking up at him. The tears were gone, but there was a heavy look in his eyes, like he was bearing a weight he just couldn’t shake.
He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “It’s hard, being here without Maya. She was in the room when Rhett was born, you know. And I babysat all the kids so Jack could be there too.” He took a heavy breath. “I just wish she could be here.”
I wish she could be here instead of you.It might not be what he meant, but that’s what I heard. And it sliced me to the core, because all I’d ever wanted was for someone to love me like that–indefinitely and ineffably.
And yet…
Here I was at a wedding with a man who was still in love with his late wife nearly twenty years later. I’d been trying to givemyself time to get ready for a serious relationship, and now I was wondering… Would Gray be ready when I was? Could he give me what I had longed for all my life? To be chosen and loved without reservation?
Knowing it wasn’t fair to him, especially since we’d only come as friends, I excused myself to the bathroom.
I ducked into the house, hiding out in the powder room off the kitchen. One con of wearing makeup was that I couldn’t splash water on my face. But I dampened a rag and dabbed it over my neck, taking deep breaths.
I had been the one to ask him to put a pause on romance, I reminded myself. The fact that Gray could be open with me–that was a gift, a testament to our friendship.
A knock sounded on the bathroom door, and I said, “One second.”
I flushed the toilet to make it seem like I had an actual reason to be hogging the room and sprayed Febreze for good measure. Then I quickly washed my hands and opened the door to see Deidre waiting in the hallway.
“How’s it going?” I asked her with a smile that I hoped was convincing. “Big day.”
Deidre let out a sigh, shaking her head with exasperation. “The biggest day. Of course Rhett and Maggie would sneak off while we’re all waiting to take photos with them!”
I chuckled like I could understand, but I really couldn’t. I’d never had a wedding day of my own, never even been a bridesmaid. Maybe I’d never get the chance.
I must have drifted off in thought because Deidre said, “Agatha?”
