Page 5 of Hello Handsome
What would that new chapter be? I was still trying to figure it out, even though my youngest, Bryce, graduated last year.
The winding dirt road took me to a two-story farmhouse that looked pretty similar to mine. White clapboard siding, dark-blue shutters, and a white wooden fence wrapping around the yard to protect it from grazing cattle during the calving season.
A few vehicles were already parked in the driveway—a silver minivan, Jack’s candy cane pickup truck with a red body and white doors, and his newer black pickup to replace the old one.
Farther away from the house, farming equipment sat amongst growing green grass. There was a barn, too, with an empty corral.
I parked behind his black truck and cut the engine. This time of year, the sun was still high in the sky around suppertime. It heated my skin as I let myself through their gate, going to the front door. I knocked a couple times and went inside like usual. We’d been friends too long to feel like anything less than family.
Inside the house, I could smell dinner cooking—something with garlic and pepper—and hear the sizzle of something in a pan. But I couldn’t see the kitchen from the living room.
“Back here!” Jack called, and I followed his voice over to the space where the kitchen adjoined the dining area. He and Deirdre worked in the kitchen, his wife’s curly hair growing in the humidity from the boiling pot in front of her.
Jack had a stack of plates in his arms. “Hope you’re good with spaghetti.”
“Always,” I replied, going to grab the plates from him. While I set them on the table, he filled a few glasses with ice water and put them in front of the plates. Deidre brought the pans to the table for us to serve ourselves.
“Bon appetit,” she said happily, sitting across from her husband at the table.
I sat on the end between them, reaching for the garlic bread. “Thank you,” I said. “It’s nice to have a fresh meal.”
“You know what else would be nice?” she said casually while serving herself pasta.
“Deidre,” Jack sighed. He was losing his hair and had just as many wrinkles as I did these days, but his exasperated look reminded me of our youth.
An amused smile tipped my lips while I waited for Deidre to explain. “Go on,” I said.
Jack gave a roll of his hazel eyes and rolled up his shirt sleeves. “You’re gonna regret it.”
Deidre responded to him with a playful glare and then turned a scheming smile on me. “Your boys are all out of the house, and I hate to think of you alone on that farm all the time, no one to keep you company but this old ass.” She gave a pointed look at her husband.
Jack made a braying sound that had us all laughing.
But Deidre shook her head. “Don’t you think Maya would have wanted you to find someone to spend your sunset years with?”
“Jeez, D,” Jack said, putting a heaping pile of pasta sauce on his spaghetti. “You’re acting like we’re eighty or something.”
“We’re in the AARP,” she deadpanned.
He grunted.
And my stomach tightened at where this was going. We’d had this conversation a few years before, and when I told her I wasn’t dating until the kids were out of the house,at least, I thought we were done having it. “I promised Maya forever,” I reminded Deidre. “It wouldn’t be right to move on like I never made that vow.”
“But you didn’t make that promise,” Deidre argued.
I raised my eyebrows while Jack kept his mouth full of spaghetti. The perfect excuse not to talk.
Deidre said, “I was there, and you said ‘till death do us part.’”
Jack frowned and gave me an apologetic look, but Deidre kept going, tucking a lock of curly hair behind her ear. “Maya was my best friend, and I know she loved you more than the sun, the moon, and all the stars.” My throat got tight, but Deidre continued. “She wouldn’t want you to be lonely. She’d want you to be happy, to show her boys that there can be love after loss.” Her eyes were starting to get red, and her lips trembled. I was on the verge of tears myself.
Jack stayed silent, but he dipped his head in a nod like she was saying all the words he was thinking.
“What if I’m not ready?” I finally asked, leveling a look at her. “Loving again sounds nice until you realize it also meanslosingagain.”
Jack shoveled another bite of food in his mouth. But Deidre said, “You’re getting ahead of yourself, Gray.”
I raised my eyebrows at her, twirling my own fork through pasta. “Is that so?” I took a bite, trying to calm myself. Failing to calm myself.
