Page 7 of Plea
I crossed my arms over my chest as my hip poked out. “I’m not interested in going through the motions with you, Trevor. We have a problem, and until we talk about it?—”
“Let’s talk about it now,” he interrupted me to say, patting the seat on my merlot colored sofa that was next to him.
I took small, slow steps in that direction and sat down, and he wasted no time taking my hand into his. Since he called himself being ready to talk, I remained silent so he could continue.
“It’s clear that I’ve made you upset, and that’s not my intention. Sometimes I forget you operate from a more emotional state than me, and that’s the first thing I want to apologize for. I’ve been waiting for you to meet me where I am logically, and I realized you literally won’t be able to until you can process your feelings. So… let’s start from the beginning.”
Ugh.
I would’ve been able to stay mad at him had he not been trying, but I had to remind myself trying was the bare minimum and I deserved more. If this conversation didn’t end with us being on the same page and with him exhibiting changed behavior in the future, I was still going to call the wedding off. Mama was right. I refused to start my marriage with any form of insecurity. Men were so quick to complain about a woman being insecure or lacking confidence when their actions were often the reason for it.
I’d never been insecure in the sense of feeling jealous because of another woman or envious over something I lacked, but if a man didn’t make me feel secure in our relationship,I never understood why that was something they felt the need to complain about. I also never understood why a woman vulnerably sharing her insecurities with a man wasn’t honored for the trust exercise it truly was. If I couldn’t trust a man with my vulnerabilities and insecurities and he provide a safe, validating space, that was yet another sign that he wasn’t for me. It was like I knew that logically but loving him put me in a bad habit of ignoring it.
“I told you last Thursday that I wanted you to come with me to the hotel. I understand you’re not into party planning, but I’ve expressed to you how important this party is to me. My business means a lot, and it would have been nice to have my man by my side as I prepared to celebrate doing something no one else has in Rose Valley Hills. Everyone always says how proud of me they are, yet the one person I wish I could hear that from, I can’t.”
“Bae, youknowI’m proud of you.”
“How am I supposed to know that? Have you ever said it?”
He thought about it, which I appreciated, before shaking his head. “I guess I haven’t, but I am. I’m proud of you, and I believe in you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have given you the money for the down payment on the building. I even gave you enough money to pay your staff for the first three months…”
“And I appreciate that,” I said quickly. Softly. “But I want more than your money, Trevor. You’ve been the same way with the wedding. Everything has been on me to plan. You haven’t shown interest in anything. It makes me feel like I’m getting married alone.”
“I’m just not that kind of man, Venus. All I wanna do is show up and make you my wife. We could have done that at a courthouse for all I care. You’re the one who wanted a big wedding, so I’m letting you have that.”
“So that’s how you justify it? Since it’s what I want and not you, you don’t have to be involved?”
Trevor shrugged. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”
“That’s the problem.” I chuckled as I slid my hand from his. “Because you don’t think there’s a problem, you won’t change.”
“What exactly do I need to change?”
“I need more of your support and presence. I’m not asking you to be overly excited and fake. I just want you to show up, Trevor. The lack of your presence makes me feel like you’re not interested, even if that’s not true. Do you know how it feels to plan a wedding for you and a man who makes you feel like he couldn’t care less about marrying you? Every day I get less excited about our wedding, and if I’m being honest, our marriage.”
Speaking that truth made tears fall from my eyes, and Trevor immediately picked me up and put me on his lap. As he wiped my tears he said, “I’m sorry, bae. It was not my intention to make you feel like that. Of course I want to marry you.” His lips brushed against mine tenderly. “I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If you need more of my presence to believe that, I promise I’ll show up more. And I will communicate that better. Sometimes I feel like I show you with my actions, but if I’m not giving you the actions you need, I can understand how that might confuse you.”
I just nodded. I was glad he was finally hearing me out, but the conversation was starting to drain me. I hated crying and getting overly emotional, but handling all the wedding and party planning on my own plus running my business had been weighing on me heavily. I expressed that to him, letting him know it would be easier for me if he helped and gave me some input… if he could at least meet with the wedding planner to confirm or reject certain things… and he agreed.
By the time we were done talking, Trevor had synced my calendar to his. He plugged in certain meetings and tastings hecould attend with and without me, which I appreciated. I felt lighter when he told me to get dressed so he could take me out. While I couldn’t say this conversation had fixed everything, it did make him aware of how I felt so we could be on the same page, and he did promise to be more involved. For now, that would be enough.
Chapter
Six
Carson
Ever since Igot the gift card fromThe Beauty Bar, Venus kept popping up in my mind. Though Asia and I weren’t in a committed relationship, I still considered her my woman, so I was faithful. Plus, I’d never been the kind of man to have sex with multiple women at one time.
Back in college, one of my friends got BV after having sex with two people in one week, and another got syphilis from a long term partner that had been habitually cheating on them. After that, I decided to only fuck my wife raw and to only have sex with one woman at a time. Plus, I was a greedy nigga when it came to sex. I liked having sex every day, sometimes two and three times a day. I didn’t have time to be trying to find a new woman who could handle and satisfy my appetite.
But there was something about Venus. Something that made me curious about her. Something that had me reminding myself that I was single, as if that was an excuse to get to know her better. Never mind the fact that she was married or engaged and I had a baby on the way. When I told the crew about Venus’sevent, it was with the intention for me and Asia to go together. Unfortunately, it seemed like finding out she was pregnant caused a flood of symptoms to overtake her, so she opted to stay home tonight.
Her not being able to join me didn’t stop me from going. All of my brothers were going on the strength of me, and I’d meant it when I told Venus I wanted to come through and show her some support. After Asia created her client profile, we looked over the virtual invitation, and I was impressed. Venus wasn’t just throwing a party to celebrate herself, but she was giving back to so many women in our city as well. Me and the guys ended up buying tickets and doing the add-on for college and high school girls as well. Seeing that there was an actual purpose attached to the party made me respect her more.
“Oh, she went all out with this shit,” Zander said next to me, and that she did.
I didn’t think anyone could top our New Year’s Eve galas, but Venus had outdone herself. She had a crystal, silver, and gold theme. Her wait staff moved with pristine professionalism. The woman didn’t have a live band—she had a mini orchestra.
