Page 2 of Plea
“That obviously bothers you,” Ma said. “Have you talked to him about it?”
With a pout, I shook my head. “Not recently. He’ll just say he’s not into that kind of stuff. I appreciate the way he shows up, but I just… wish he showed up more. I don’t like feeling alone when I have a partner.”
“You’re not alone, Sister,” Mariah countered. “We got you.”
“I know that, and I really appreciate it,” I assured her, taking her hand into mine. I made sure to look all three of my favorite ladies in the eyes as I added, “I just mean, the whole point of me getting married is to have a life partner, and I don’t feel like I’m getting that. Like, I haven’t been able to talk to him about the party planning, and this is something I’m so happy about and proud of. Unless it’s about giving me money, he shows no interest in the event. And with the wedding, I can barely get him to approve things let alone make suggestions. Maybe I’m expecting too much from a man but?—”
“Let me stop you right there,” Mama said, lifting her pointer finger. “Not all men are disinterested in things like this. In fact, most men are interested in whatever their woman is interested in. Whatever makes her happy. It might not be something he’d care about on his own, but for her, he will.”
“That’s true,” Paisley confirmed. “Before me and Mateo got married, I dealt with the most nonchalant men. I knew Mateo was the one when I told him how much we loved theater.” We all smiled at the memory. “He researched it, went to New York to find places to take me, then planned a trip so I could experience a weekend of Broadway. He might have been damn near bored to tears, but my excitement made him happy, and I love that for me.”
“Not everyone is blessed with a man as sweet and thoughtful as Mateo, Paisley,” I said with more bite than intended.
“But you can be,” she said.
“Have you been honest with Trevor about how you feel?” Ma asked, causing me to shake my head. She released a heavy breath. “I don’t advise you enter your marriage feeling as if you can’t be honest and open about how you feel. I also don’t advise marrying a man that doesn’t make you feel like he’s your partner. Some men will never show that care and interest, and that’s okay if that’s okay with you. If it’s not, you need to let him know. If he can’t give you what you want and need, that’s a sign that he isn’t the man for you, baby.”
“Is it really that big of a deal?” I asked earnestly, knowing if I brought this to Trevor, he’d downplay it. “He’s going to say he’s just not into this.”
“It’s about the principle,” Mama clarified. “He doesn’t have to be into this, but you are. If you can’t communicate with him about how you feel and get what you need, that’s a sign you aren’t emotionally validated and safe with him. If he can’t do something as simple as engage with you about party and wedding planning, how can you trust him with the big stuff life and marriage will throw your way? These are the tests to determine a man’s true character. What is this situation saying to you?”
I considered her words in silence before promising to talk to him about how I felt. She was right. I’d never deny Trevor was willing to give me any amount of money I wanted or needed, but that was all he provided consistently. I wanted a man that provided more than money. I wanted a man that provided his time, attention, affection, and care. I wanted a man that wanted to increase my happiness, not intentionally do things to steal it from me. I wanted a man who didn’t decrease the value of the things that were important to me just because they weren’t important to him. There was no denying the fact that I wasn’t sure if Trevor could be that man, but I’d need to know if he was or wasn’t before I took his last name.
Chapter
Two
Carson
I wasthe kind of person who found any reason to celebrate or socialize, so when Taj said yes to Tristan’s proposal a week ago, that was my excuse to get the crew together this weekend to celebrate. We were in a private suite atPuff Cigar Lounge, which had recently undergone renovations that made the already luxe lounge even more exclusive.
Life had changed drastically for Kaos (Chaos) and Tristan, and they deserved the love and happiness their women had brought into their lives. It didn’t surprise me that of the four of us, Kaos was the first to get married. And this year, his first child would enter the world. I wasn’t in a rush for my forever, because I’d learned through heartache and disappointment the lesson that came from waking up love before its appointed time. More than anything, I enjoyed spoiling women and the experience that came from unraveling them. I took pride in connecting with an independent woman who could do everything for herself and watching her soften the more I took things off her plate. The more I spoiled her and treated her well. The more I allowedmy masculinity to provide a safe space for her to rest in her femininity.
My parents taught me and my brother, Creole, at a young age the power of providing the right environment for a woman to flourish. The more we provided a safe space for her to thrive instead of surviving, the more she’d care for us. I’d learned the hard way that not every woman appreciated or deserved that kind of treatment, but when she did, I loved providing it.
“Aight, man. I’m about to get up outta here,” Zander announced, extending his hand for me to shake. I did, and it turned into a quick, brotherly hug.
The syrupy grin on his face told me all I needed to know, but I still couldn’t help but say, “Be safe, Z. Make sure whoever wife you’re about to go lay up with ain’t got a husband clocking her every move.”
Zander’s grin turned into a chuckle before he licked his lips and bobbed his head. “She ain’t married, but she does have an ex that we’ve been ducking, so I’m meeting her at the hotel up the street.”
All I could do was shake my head at his shenanigans. I prayed every day that his lifestyle didn’t get him caught up in a position he wouldn’t be able to talk himself out of. It was one thing for a man like Zander to not want to commit, but he took that shit to a whole other level. He didn’t just avoid commitment—he dealt with women who were already committed. Regardless of how many times he tried to justify it by saying those women never required much of him, it was never worth that to me.
As long as we’d known each other, Zander had never allowed any of us to get into his head and heart to figure out why he did the dumb shit he did, and I honestly didn’t know if he ever would. Since Kaos and Tristan had already left to be with their women, I decided to call it a night as well.
“Aight, brotha. Let me know you’re safe in the morning,” I demanded.
“Always. Have a good night.”
I bobbed my head as he headed out of the suite. Once I’d put enough money on the table to cover our tab, I pulled my phone out to see if Asia had responded to my text. She’d been acting weird all weekend, and I wasn’t sure why. We’d been messing off since October of last year, and a part of me wondered if it was because we were shifting out of the honeymoon phase of our unofficial relationship. I was a true lover boy, so if that was the case, it wouldn’t be long before we stopped dealing with each other.
Unlike Zander, I wasn’t afraid of commitment. I just didn’t like committing to the wrong woman. Regardless of how often I wined and dined women, if I didn’t see forever with her, we wouldn’t get into a committed relationship. Asia said she was cool with that and wasn’t looking for anything serious, but we’d see how long that lasted.
Asia: Hey baby. Yes I’m still up. You can come over whenever you leave. If I’m sleep just put in the code.
Me: On the way. Do you need anything?
I took my phone off Do Not Disturb in case she texted back while I was on the way to her. After checking the group chat and seeing that both Kaos and Tristan had made it to their destinations safely, I put my phone back in my pocket and headed out to my Mustang. Between it and my BMW, I usually drove the Mustang on the weekends. There was something about riding through the mountains toward Massie Manor and cruising toward the beach sitting low on the concrete with the roar of my engine that soothed me. Inside the car, I wasted notime starting my ’70s playlist before heading in the direction of Asia’s apartment.
