Page 27 of Plea
“I know I will. It’s beautiful, and I love the theater and game rooms. I honestly wouldn’t mind hiding out here for the next few days, but now I’m excited about Miami.”
Carson chuckled. “And you’re sure you’re okay with not going out of the country? We can go to Tulum, Bali, St. Lucia, or any Caribbean Island. I rented the private jet to ensure we can go wherever you’d like.”
Stopping, I wrapped my arms around him. “I love Tulum and Mexico in general, but I’m sure. I don’t need anything fancy. I really just want the chance to get to know you better.”
“Whatever you want,” he conceded, wrapping his arms around me. “What you did today was big. Still have no regrets?”
“None. Even if things don’t work out between us, and I believe they will, I didn’t need to marry him. I knew that but didn’t have the courage to walk away until you forced me to face my feelings for you.”
“Well, I know you’re saying you’re okay, but I want you to take a little time for yourself, aight? Pick any guest room you want and take some time to check in with you. When you’re ready, we can talk and start the process of getting to know each other, or just chill and let things flow naturally.”
“Okay, babe.”
“Mm, I like the sound of that.”
We mirrored each other’s smiles until he lowered himself to my lips. I’d kissed a lot of guys before, but none of them felt like this. His large hand cupped my cheek and tilted my head further, giving him more access to my mouth to deepen the kiss. Sighing, I pressed my hands into his chest and melted against him. I’d never understood the concept of inhaling a man’s exhales until kissing him. We’d become one and turned something that usedto be so simple into something so intimate, and it made me feel like I’d never been kissed or even handled properly before.
A low moan escaped him when we finally parted.
“Yeah, there’s no way you belonged with anyone elsebutme,” Carson declared.
All I could do was laugh because I couldn’t even deny that. As we went upstairs, Carson assured me that I was in control and the pacing of what we did and how far we went was up to me. He promised me that nothing would happen that I didn’t want to, but there was no doubt in my mind that he’d be deep in my pussy before the day was over. Even though we hadn’t known each other long, we were connected on a soul level that required a soul tie. I made sure he understood I had no problem surrendering to that when it felt like the right time.
Once I got my things situated, I took off my makeup, pulled my hair into a loose pineapple, and took a long shower.
As much as I told myself I was okay, the weight of the situation did start to settle within my heart when I was alone. I ended up crying in the shower. I hated knowing I’d hurt Trevor. Regardless of how off things had been between us, I’d never want to do anything to intentionally hurt anyone. True enough, I had to put myself first, but a part of me wished I would have had the courage to do that before our wedding day.
On the flip side, I was grateful I chose to put me first before we saidI Do. I’d been overlooking so many signs that things were different—thathewas different. And if I didn’t overlook them, I tried to excuse or downplay them. At the end of the day, I thought back to what Mama said. Would I be happy with the version of him and our relationship that we currently had? I wouldn’t.
The intimacy was gone, and even though we were communicating more, that communication was showing me we were no longer on the same page. He was different as a fiancéand would probably be even more different as a husband, and I was grateful that I saw that before it was too late.
Even though I was getting overstimulated by the constant notifications, I cut my phone back on to check on Trevor. I felt like there wasn’t anything I could say or do to make the situation better, but I still cared about him and wanted to check on him. As I stared out of the window and gazed at the covered pool, I waited for him to answer.
“Yeah?” he answered, roughly.
“Um, hi.”
Trevor chuckled. “That’s all you have to say to me?”
“I’m sorry, Trevor. I should’ve called things off before today.”
“Why didn’t you?”
I shrugged as if he could see me. “A part of me thought my reservations would fade. Things just kept happening that made me less secure in our relationship, and I couldn’t ignore it anymore.”
“Nah. It was because of that nigga.”
My eyes closed and I pulled in a deep breath at the sound of the sharpness of his tone.
“It wasn’t because of Carson. I won’t let you blame him for this.”
“No, actually, I can. Even if you were having reservations, I know you would have still married me if he wasn’t in the picture.”
“And you would’ve been okay with that?”
He scoffed. “Yeah. I don’t feel like we had any problems that we couldn’t work out.”
“That’s just it. Why get married with problems already at the forefront? I didn’t want a rocky foundation for my marriage. We were arguing like crazy, there was no intimacy in our relationship. We weren’t spending any quality time together. It felt like all you did was throw money at me to pacify me, and Iwanted more than that. I’ve expressed to you I don’t know how many times that I wanted a true life partner not just?—”
