Page 23 of Plea
“Wassup, sunshine?”
“Why do you call me that?”
“That’s what you look like. That’s what you feel like.”
“Carson,” I whispered, blushing. “I thought we agreed we wouldn’t flirt?”
“It’s not flirting if it’s the truth, right?”
“I’ve been worried about you,” I confessed. “I wanted to give you space, but I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”
“Is there somewhere we can talk?” he asked.
“Uh, yes. I was actually getting ready to leave for the day, but we can talk in my office.”
“I don’t want to make you late.”
“It’s fine. I was just going to go for a run.”
“Cool. Well, this won’t take long, so I’ll walk you to your car.”
“Okay, that’s fine.”
We walked out silently, and when we made it to my G-Wagon, I leaned against it.
“I wanted to stop by and say thank you,” he said, taking my hand into his. “Asia admitted the baby isn’t mine. We’re getting a DNA test done so I can have it in writing, but I know the baby isn’t mine. Her ultrasound had July on it, and she told me her due date was August. I didn’t have a reason to believe she would lie to me, so I convinced myself that the date was a mistake.”
My shoulders sagged as I cupped his shoulder with my free hand. “I’m sorry, Carson. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. You were probably attached to the baby already huh? Never mind the fact that someone you trusted lied to you.”
He sighed and looked toward the sun briefly. “I was attached but not completely. I didn’t want to have a baby with her honestly, but I was willing to make it work. My mama was sadder about this than me.” He chuckled as he returned his sad eyes to mine. “She was looking forward to having another grandbaby. A part of me is glad things worked out the way they did. It meant a lot to me that I do things in the correct order, and I wanted to be married before I started my family, but I was willing to do whatever it took to give my child the same upbringing I had—a better upbringing than I had.”
“Well, I guess that’s a silver lining. At least now you’ll be able to start your family the way you wanted to.”
“True.” He released my hand as he asked, “What about you? How many babies you plan on giving that nigga?”
Laughing, I crossed my arms over my chest. “I don’t want to give him any honestly. Not right now at least.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I wanted kids all of my adult life, but now that I’m getting married, I kind of think I don’t.”
“Hmm.” The curious expression that covered his face made me curious.
“Hmm what, mister?”
“It’s… not my place, sunshine.”
“I think we’re past that at this point, don’t you?” He mirrored my smile. “Tell me.”
Carson didn’t respond right away, and I appreciated the carefulness he took with his words.
“I just believe if a desire like that changes it’s for a reason. If you wanted kids until you got with him, I thinkhe’sthe reason you don’t want them anymore. Maybe you do want them, just not with him. And if you don’t, that’s something you should figure out before you marry him. If there’s something about him or your relationship that makes you not want kids with him, you need to ask yourself if he’s worth that sacrifice. What if you wake up one day and decide you want them and it's too late?”
“Wow,” I muttered, looking down at my engagement ring. “You’ve really given me something to think about, C. I hadn’t thought about it like that, but that’s true. I didn’t stop wanting kids until I realized I didn’t want Trevor to be the father of them. A part of me thought that was just my mind’s way of telling me I didn’t want them anymore, but maybe you’re right. Maybe I do want them, just not with him. And if that’s the case…”
“If that’s the case… what…, sunshine?”
Licking the corner of my mouth, I swallowed hard. “If that’s the case, I can’t marry him.”
