Page 52 of Something to Believe In
She believed that. "Yes."
"I think we get it mixed up sometimes. I've been thinking about your comments about my going off with a groupie or two. You thought I loved them, and that's why I slept with them."
She swallowed the dry lump in her throat.
Axel continued. "I closed my eyes and thought of you. I couldn't have you. But I have loved you with my whole heart for so long, I can't remember a time when I didn't. It doesn't make it right. It was a human reaction to a shitty situation. Nothing more."
She stared into his eyes for a long time. He didn't look away from her. "I believe that." She nodded and took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. She believed he didn't love those women. "I have loved you for so long, and I guess..." She shook her head. "I'll say this. Steve cheated on me. It made me feel worthless. It hurt my feelings that he'd so casually betrayed me. Does that make sense?"
"Of course it does. I understand it perfectly."
She nodded again. Of course he would. "Right. So, on the heels of that, my heart ached for you. Then I'd see you leave an after-party with a woman, and it was like being cheated on all over again."
Axel clenched his right fist and held it up to his heart. He sniffed, and she saw him swallow. Then, a single tear slid down his cheek. "I never cheated on you, Mads."
"I know you didn't. Not really. But my mind..." She was lost. She didn't know what to say now. How did this conversation turn into this?
She brushed his tear away with her thumb. Staring into his eyes, she said, "I love you, Axel Peters. More than I ever believed I'd be able to love another human."
He nodded. "Is this what has been holding you back from moving in with me?"
She shrugged. "I'm not sure."
He nodded and pulled her close. She wrapped her arms around his waist and lay her head against his chest. His heartbeat was strong and sure, and she closed her eyes to listen to its rhythm.
His arms wrapped her tightly in his embrace. She'd never felt more protected and loved than she did in his arms. Shouldn't that be a sign, too?
She heard her mother's voice. "You’d better grow up, girl, or you'll find yourself alone."
She squeezed her eyes tighter together and held Axel closer.
"Hey, you two? Got a minute?"
She pulled away from Axel and turned to see Tony and Mitch approaching.
Axel responded. "Sure."
She heard him inhale deeply and knew he was keeping his feelings in check right now. They needed to go home and have a proper conversation. And maybe she needed to see a counselor about transferring her fears onto Axel's life prior to her. He had every damned right to seek comfort with other women. How many times had she wished she were brave enough to do the same? For her, there were so many times she needed to be hugged. She needed someone to hold her tightly and tell her she was valued. It's why she sought the Dumbass Dougs of the world.
Her eyes watered, so she looked at the floor and blinked rapidly to get herself calmed.
Tony said, "Mitch has news for you about Lacey."
She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked up at Mitch. His eyes locked on hers for a moment. He shifted his stance and looked at Axel. "I just got word from Blossom Springs PD. They are looking for Lacey in connection with the car accident yesterday. Hit-and-run is what they mentioned. Other charges can follow as soon as they assess the situation fully."
Axel nodded. "That's good. And your people will watch for her as well?"
"Absolutely. We're also paying closer attention to your street, your house, and a one-mile perimeter around your neighborhood. If we see her car, we will find her. We've also alerted area garages that we're looking for her car."
"Thanks, Mitch."
"You're welcome. Any questions?"
She lifted her head because nobody had said anything. Both men were staring at her. She took a deep breath. "No. Thank you."
Mitch nodded, but his brows pinched together. She felt bad because he probably thought she was ungrateful for all he was doing. There she was again, making someone else feel bad.
She swallowed to keep her emotions from running wild.
