Page 21 of Something to Believe In
She nodded. "Now we both got a package today."
He chuckled. "That's a fact."
She finished her salad. "What do you want to do tonight?"
"I want to make love to you, sleep in bed with you all night, and make love to you again in the morning. I also want to spend time with you. Talking, laughing, and just being."
She stared into his eyes for a long time. Then her smile grew. "That sounds like a great night."
He shrugged, his lips tilted up in a sweet smile. "Mitch said I could stay away from the house if I didn't feel safe tonight. The cameras will be up tomorrow. It's not that I don't feel safe, but there's a weird vibe going on with the speeder racing up and down the street, and the note and package. I don't know how desperate this person is or will get, so I'd like to stay here tonight."
She reached over and laid her hand on his. "I want you to be safe and feel safe, and it'll be nice to spend the time with you."
His grin was sexy. She swallowed as the realization of just how much her heart reached for him showed itself. They were about to embark on a wild ride. Hopefully, it would be a good one. They faced some obstacles. And they were new. Would their friendship be enough to help them weather the storms coming? Plus, this new tour would be some added pressure. All the doubts began flooding her mind, and she inhaled deeply before letting out a breath.
Axel squeezed her hand. "Tell me what's on your mind."
Her eyes looked up into his. She swallowed. "Doubts. Tons of them. We have a new tour coming up, along with the previously scheduled engagements. A busy year ahead of us, and it's a bad time for the band to be in disarray. Now more than ever, we have to be united."
He nodded. "I agree."
He took a long drink of his beer. He set the bottle gently on the table and inhaled. "Are you feeling bad about getting together yesterday?"
"No." It burst from her mouth nearly before he finished getting the words out.
He smiled but continued to stare at her. "Because, if you are, we need to talk about it."
Her throat was dry, and she took another drink of her seltzer. She looked deeply into his eyes for a moment. "I'm not sorry. Not about being with you. I am sorry about the fact that we just fell into it without more conversation." He took a deep breath, but she rushed on. "Meaning, before we stepped into the next phase of our relationship, no matter that each of us had been thinking about the other for so long, it's probably a conversation we should have had first."
He stretched his shoulders back and nodded. "I agree with that. We're both creatives. We let our passion lead us. Let me ask you this: Have you ever been impulsive like that before?"
"You mean have I taken a groupie to my hotel room at night and had sex without thinking about it because I thought it would feel good at the time?"
He leaned his forearms on the table as he leaned forward. "Yes."
"No. I think you know that. We've been together long enough to know. I know Sean has in the past, and I know you have. Jami too. Boys will be boys. It's not the same for women."
"You're saying women don't want random sex?"
"I'm sure some do. But for me, a woman is more vulnerable. We aren't as strong. Taking a random man into a closed hotel room and stripping down to have sex puts us in possible danger. There have been many women murdered in such circumstances over time. I am averse to that. It doesn't mean I didn't want to ride the high of a great night performing for crowds and getting wild and crazy. But I reined it in to celebrating with a few drinks, then heading to my room and celebrating by myself. Or, such as the case with asshole Doug, with someone I was in a relationship with. Look at that sad situation. He slapped me around and I knew him!"
Her heart beat rapidly in her chest, and her breathing came in spurts. Anger had surged through her, and she was a bit dumbfounded as to why.
Axel stood and stepped around the table. She watched him but didn't move. Expecting him to turn her toward him, he instead knelt down next to her chair. His voice came to her softly and evenly when he finally spoke. "I'm very sorry, Mads. I've never thought of it that way. I've never once thought of hitting a woman, even my crazy ex-wife."
She swallowed the knot in her throat. Slowly turning in her chair toward him, she laid her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I got angry. It feels like a double standard sometimes between how the men in the band can celebrate and how the women do. I've spent many nights alone in my room feeling sad after the big high on stage. And I'll admit that when I knew you were with a groupie, it hurt my feelings. Even though it shouldn't have."
He straightened and kissed her lips softly. "I'm sorry."
Just that. An apology for doing nothing wrong. Tears spilled from her eyes almost instantly. When had a man ever apologized to her for hurting her feelings? This one didn't even know he had, and he apologized.
Chapter Fifteen
Axel watched Maddyn's eyes fill with tears, and he swallowed the lump in his throat. He didn't mean to make her cry. Somehow, this evening had turned into an emotional roller coaster, but it was probably a good thing. They needed to have these conversations to be solid. Unfortunately, unpacking all the past fifteen years or more, well, that could take a bit.
He smiled as his thumb brushed an errant tear from her cheek. "I never meant to make you cry, Mads. Never."
She sniffed lightly, picked up her napkin, and dabbed at the tears ready to fall. "I know." She swallowed. "I didn't know that would make me cry. I guess it feels unfair. And yet, I'm not sorry I don't have a stable of men I've slept with behind me."
