Page 90 of Pose for Me
I wiggle out of his arms and sit up, resting against the headboard. Ryell rolls to his back and sighs, but after a fewseconds, he follows suit and sits up beside me. “Time to talk, huh?”
“Yeah,” I say, biting my lip. “What happened Ry? Why did you let me go? Why did you leave? I went to your house when I was discharged from the hospital and saw all your things covered with sheets.”
He narrow his eyes at me. “Didn’t I tell you not to look for me?”
I duck my eyes and shrug, ashamed that I didn’t listen, but I needed to know.
“I had to see for myself,” I explain, meeting his gaze. “You haven’t been the best at being honest with me, Ry.”
“You’re right,” he says, hooking his finger under my chin and kissing me softly. “I’m sorry about that, baby boy. We’ll start fresh. Nothing that happened before matters, okay?” I nod and smile, kissing him again. But I still need answers.
“Where did you go?” I twist my body toward him, wanting to see his face while we talk. Ryell mirrors my pose. “Did you really leave the country?”
He nods. “I went to Europe. I had another oral surgeon fill in for me at my office, so I wouldn’t have to close my business. He’s bought half of the practice,” he mentions offhandedly.
“What did you do in Europe?” I ask, intrigued.
I’ve always wanted to travel as an adult, since the trips I went on with my parents as a kid were just their mental abuse in another country. They ignored me there too, not taking me out sightseeing or on any adventures. I was stuck with a nanny they found in the country so they could enjoy their vacation as a childless couple.
One of Ryell’s eyebrows ticks up slowly. “Sure you want to know?”
It takes a moment for me to understand, then I give him an incredulous look. “The entire six months, Ry?”
He chuckles. “No, sweet boy. I’m fucking with you.” He pauses for a beat, then adds, “Mostly.” I roll my eyes. “I also checked out property there, in case I wanted to move permanently. But I couldn’t stay away from you.”
My heart pitter-patters in my chest. It’s weird I have that reaction, especially since he just said in not so many words that he killed people while he was in Europe. That’s something we’ll talk about later, I guess.
In a rough voice I hardly recognize, I ask, “Why did you let me go and leave me like that? I thought…I thought when I told you I loved you, you’d know I wanted to stay with you forever.”
Witha. sigh, Ryell says, “Oh my beautiful boy,” and drags me into his arms. I lay my head on his chest, listening to the strong thumping of his heart. He’s here. He’s really here, and I’m curled up against him.
After he kisses the top of my head, he says, “I didn’t want to let you go. I wanted to keep you with me forever. But I didn’t like how unhappy you were. Even if you were happy with me in the moment, I thought you’d end up resenting me because all we had were the four walls of my home.”
“We had your backyard,” I say defensively, but I understand what he’s saying.
“We did, but in a year, two years, a decade from now, would that have been enough? I would eventually have had to release you because I wasn’t able to kill you.”
I bite my lip, mulling over his words. I don’t know how I would have felt in a year or further into the future. I just knew I was happy every moment I spent with Ryell. Maybe I would have resented him but maybe not. We’ll never know.
Looking up at him, I murmur, “You could have told me. We could have come up with a plan.”
He shakes his head. “No, Lane, I couldn’t have. Because when I did, you said no and broke down in my arms. It had to happen how it did.”
“Were you always going to come back?”
“No,” he answers bluntly, and my heart clenches. “You deserved better than me, and if I were going to let you move on and not kill anyone that touched you, I had to be as far away from you as possible.” I grin and shake my head. “But I couldn’t stay away.”
“You hurt me,” I whisper. I don’t want to make him feel bad, but I have to be honest. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” I huff a thick laugh. “I tried to tell myself just yesterday that I needed to move on, but as soon as I got in bed and couldn’t fall asleep until I put this on,” I lift my right foot, rattling the monitor, “I knew I never would.”
Ryell drags his fingers through my hair, his blunt nails scratching along my scalp. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you, Lane. I was doing what I thought was right as your Daddy. I always want you to be happy.”
I wrap my arms around his waist, hugging him tight. “I know, Daddy. I just hated being alone. Being withoutyou. I was upset with you. Really fucking pissed, but I think it’s okay now. If you’re staying with me, it’s okay. We’re free. No one knows who you are and I’m in a new state. A fresh start.”
“A fresh start,” he agrees.
“Can we take a shower?” I ask. After we got done making love, Ryell wiped us down quickly, but we probably need to do a more thorough job of cleaning up.
“Mhm. What time is it?”
