Page 62 of Left of the Slash
Out of my peripheral vision, I see Olivia place her hands on her hips and lift her head to the sky before covering her face with her hands. Eden walks over to her and says something beforethe two of them embrace. Good. At least she has Eden there to comfort her. Eden and Obsidian.
Shaking my head, I start up my car and drive out of the parking lot.
THIRTY-SEVEN - Olivia
The ride from EWB back to Eden’s house is dead silent, even though she’s sitting right next to me as I drive. Inside the car, the windows are up and the radio is playing something almost too low to hear, and Eden is staring straight ahead. I can tell she has something she wants to say, but she's clamping her lips closed. Meanwhile, voices in my head are screaming. I hear Quinn’s voice and all of the things he has said to me over our time together, mixed with everything I've said to him since the beginning. I also hear my father’s voice and the voice of my own fears brought to life. It’s a symphony of screaming and crying that’s driving me too insane to stay quiet.
“What?” I say aloud, hoping that if I speak it’ll quiet my mind.
Eden turns to me, hesitant. “What?”
“Don't do that,” I say. “You're never this quiet, so it’s obvious you want to say something. So go ahead and say it.”
She lets out a long sigh and crosses her arms as she looks straight ahead again. “Maybe you should be the one to talk. I'm not sure you'll like what I have to say.”
“Well, that’s never stopped you before, has it?” I ask, unsure of why my attitude is so aggressive right now. Everything that has been happening with Quinn has me all shook up.
“No, it hasn't,” she says. “But you're clearly in your feelings about this, and I don't know how to address it without it sounding like I don't have your back. I'm your best friend, and I always have your back, Olivia.”
“Right. But?”
“But I don't understand you right now,” she says softly. “I don't know what you're looking for, so I don't know what to say to show my support. I just want you to be happy.”
“I am happy,” I say, but the tone of my voice sounds anything other than happy. “We just won the biggest client in Obsidian’s history. The deal will be worth millions, and once it’s signed we won't have to worry about closing our doors. News of this deal will spread far and wide, and Obsidian will be able to bring in even more high profile clients and expand to an entire new dimension of business. What happened today is enormous, and I'm thrilled.”
“Then why do you sound so pissed off, and why did you yell at the man who made it happen?”
Her words slap me across the face and make the voices in my head scream louder.
“Because Quinn is reckless and almost ruined it,” I reply, but I have no confidence in my own words.
“He almost ruined it? That’s how you saw it? Because from where I was sitting, the deal was ruined until he did what he did. If not for him, Obsidian would be ruined, too. In fact, today was the second time he risked his career to save this company. First, he hacked your account to catch Jon’s sabotage, and now this.You were mad at him the first time he did it, and you're mad now. It sort of seems like he can't win with you, Olivia, so I don't know what to say.”
“He can't win with me? What does that even mean? I brought him into my life—showed him things he never knew existed about both BDSM andhimself. The man he is now isn't the man he was when he and I first began. He has grown, and it’s because of me. It’s not my fault he doesn't know how to not break the law when things get a little tough. He's out there hacking shit and beating people up at bars. He'sthis closeto getting himself arrested one of these days.”
“And you're benefitting from it. You can't play both sides,” Eden says, and I hear how annoyed she sounds now. It’s rare for her. She puts up with a lot of my shit and always has, but I can tell I've pushed a button with her today and I'm a little surprised by it. It means I've really done something wrong.
“How am I playing both sides?” I ask, and she immediately makes me regret it.
“You like that he breaks the law and shit,” she says, and it hits me like a gut punch. “You can lie to yourself all you want, but I know you like it. You want him to do it because it benefits you,plusyou think it’s hot. You loved it when he beat up those assholes from your old job. You told me yourself, so you don't get to use that against him now.Oh, he's hacking and he's reckless. Yeah, and that recklessness saved your father's company on more than one occasion.Yikes, he's beating up people. Right, and you dropped to your knees for him in a dirty parking lot because you loved it so much.He risks his freedom.Yes, he does … for you. So I would ask if you love it or you hate it, but I already know the answer and so do you. You love what he does and you want him to do it. So why are you acting like this when he's exactly what you want?”
“Because I'm scared,” I bark, unsure of where the words even came from. “I'm thirty-five years old and I've always been by myself. I am fiercely independent. My father raised me that way. Now all of a sudden, I'm dealing with a guy that makes me want to stay with him. Someone who makes me feel like I don't ever want to be without him, and it fucking scares me. Alright? I am Diego Lucero’s daughter. I don't need a man.”
“You don't have to need him when it’s so obvious how much you want him.”
I want to snap back. I want to have ten bullet points to rattle off in succession, but I don't have anything to combat what she just said. She's right. I don't need Quinn, but god do I fucking want him.
“You're too stubborn, girl,” she continues. “You know how hard it was for me when Larry and I got divorced. I was in love with a man who didn't want me. He wanted his fucking secretary, and I would've killed to have him desire me the way he desired her. Now I'm sitting here watching you force yourself to be mad at a man that has hunger in his eyes for you, and I think it’s fucking ridiculous because I know you want him, too. You're going to mess up a good thing just so you can stay independent? What’s the benefit of that? Why can't you have Obsidiananda man that makes you happy at the same time? Why are you acting like you can't have both? Why are you acting like it wouldn't beawesometo have both? Because I'm telling you, Olivia, I would kill to have it the way you have it. You're smart, motivated, ambitious, unfazed by men’s opinions of you, and you have a good man that wants you. You said that I'm never quiet and that I should say what I want to say, so this is it; don't squander it. Quinn Kings don't come around every day.”
I turn my car into Eden’s housing development and come to a stop right next to her brick mailbox. I put the car in park but shedoesn't hop right out. Instead, she unfastens her seatbelt and angles her body toward me.
“Quinn made this deal happen today,” she says. “It’s something this company will be celebrating as the first of many game-changing steps to take us from the brink of closing to up and coming. He treats you well. He satisfies you sexually, and we both know that is something men fail to get right far too often, but that’s especially true for you in the BDSM lifestyle. He checks off every box that you have, so before you dismiss him and watch him find someone else and make them happy while you stay independent, you need to seriously ask yourself one question.”
With a tight jaw and eyes that struggle to maintain eye contact with my friend, I ask, “What’s that?”
Eden lets out a breath and opens her door. “What more do you want?” Then she places a foot on the ground and steps out of the car, leaving me to figure out the answer by myself.
THIRTY-EIGHT - Olivia
