Page 33 of Left of the Slash
“Ugh. Don't even get me started,” I reply, rolling my eyes.
“What about you? I know you said you were close with your father before his arrest, and that he had to raise you by himself, but what about your mother?” Olivia inquires.
I nod slowly, like I'm telling myself it’s okay to have this conversation. “No, my mother wasn't around. She left my dad when I was still pretty young—when she found out he was paying for our living by stealing and working with a crime family in Philly. She went on to marry someone else, but then died of cancer shortly after. She wasn't in my life after she remarried, so it was always me and Dad.”
“Oh, I see. I'm so sorry to hear that.”
“Don't be,” I say quickly, shutting off the supply to her sympathy as fast as I can. I don't need it. “My dad was incredible. I'm conflicted these days because he got arrested and left me to fend for myself at just eighteen years old, but that doesn't mean he wasn't a good dad. Sometimes good parents do bad things for the people they love.”
Olivia nods. “Very true. Well, you seem to have made your peace with it.”
“It’s a work in progress,” I reply with a head tilt. “What about you, though? You have any siblings or anything?”
“No, I was an only child,” she says. “It was always just me and my dad too, and he raised me to be the woman I am—always working hard, always focused on accomplishing my goals.”
“Then he would definitely be proud of who you have become since taking over his company,” I say.
Olivia looks at me, and I see mist forming in her eyes as she smiles. “Thanks. I can admit that everything I'm doing is to make him proud. That’s why I'm so focused on it. I’m probably a bit obsessed at this point, but that’s okay.”
“It’s also understandable. Your father passed away, and now you run his company. It makes sense to care deeply about it, and to want it to be as successful as possible. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I've always been focused like this,” she says. “Wanting to make him proud at all times because I was the only one he could put his expectations on and have faith in. So I've never been into relationships or even taking up time-consuming hobbies. I just work.”
“Wait, so you'veneverbeen in a serious relationship?” I ask as intrigue and curiosity wrap around me like a weighted blanket.
“Sure I have. I'm thirty-five years old,” she answers. “I've dated plenty, but as soon as things start to get serious, I sort of … slowly step back into the bushes like that Homer Simpson meme.”
“Ah, I see,” I say with a laugh. “Hence all the talk about not wanting love. But if you're running away from love, then what are you running toward?”
Olivia brings her glass of wine to her lips and takes a huge gulp before setting it down again. “If youmustknow, I guess I just run back to what I've always known—work, success, making my father proud. It’s just where I'm comfortable, but I do like to unwind and have a good time, because I am a woman with needs at the end of the day. Which is why you're here.”
I chuckle, trying to hide the scoff. “So, I'm like your plaything? Your living vibrator?”
Olivia laughs but I hear the nervousness in it. “Well, I wouldn't say it like that.”
“Okay, then how would you say it?”
“I would say it the way I said it before. You're my relief. You've clearly picked up on this already, but I'm a submissive at heart, and it takes a certain kind of man to do the things I want.”
“And I'm that kind of man?”
“Clearly,” she answers truthfully. “You have a dominant, unafraid, intimidating personality that fits perfectly with mine. I saw it before we ever hooked up, and Ireallysee it now that we have. You may not know it, Quinn, but you're a Dom at heart the same way I'm a submissive.”
My eyebrows raise. “Oh, is that what I am? I mean, I know I have some dark desires, but I never thought about being an actual Dominant, like BDSM.”
“I figured you haven't, but you carry all of the traits. You just need someone to explore them with.”
“Makes sense, actually,” I say, thinking about my past, especially with ex-girlfriends. “I was thinking about this a lot last night, and I think I might be a sadist.”
“Oh, you don't say,” Olivia replies, smiling like she already knew. “What gave it away?”
“Ugh,” I say with a grin. “Look, I'm not experienced as you are with … whatever this is. I'm just used to having normal, vanilla sex … for the most part. There have never been any names or labels to define the dark way that I think, but after feeling what I felt in your office the last time, I know there's something real going on. I liked it too much.”
“You liked what too much?”
“All of it. The spanking, the pain it caused my palm, the redness your skin took on. The way you moaned after. I loved all of it, and I wanted to do more. The whole thing just didsomething to me. Something deep and internal. It was … life-changing.”
Olivia smiles and nods her head. “I understand that. I had the same realization a long time ago. I was dating a guy who was into the BDSM lifestyle, and he took me to a club called The Black Collar in Philly. The things I saw there changed my life, and at only twenty-two years old, I joined the lifestyle. I learned more about my true self that night at the club than I had in all of the other twenty-two years combined. I loved the kink on display and the way people just owned it. There was no judgment from anyone in attendance, either. Everyone was on the same wavelength, just accepting and living in their truth. I went exploring, searching for answers to my own questions that societal shame was trying to hide from me, and I learned that I loved being submissive. I loved giving myself to someone, but waiting until I felt like they’d earned me. I loved giving up control, and learned that giving it up isn't the same as losing it. I wanted to give away my control, but still have the option to snatch it back if the person I gave it to didn't know how to use it within the boundaries I set. That night ended up being the most powerful night of my life, and I haven't looked back since. Even after me and that guy broke up, I knew I would always be in the lifestyle—the lifestyle of a submissive. This is who I am, and changing is not an option.”
