Page 31 of Left of the Slash
“That’s a good thing, right?”
His smile never wavers. “It’s indescribable, Olivia. You are, too.”
I hesitate before I respond because I don't want to give him the wrong impression, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't thoroughly enjoy what just happened, or that I didn't want it again as soon as possible. So, I let the words out of my mouth, hoping he doesn't take them further than I intend for them to go.
“So are you,” I reply, and when I see the look in his gorgeous green eyes, I look away quickly, making sure my eye contact doesn't linger.
NINETEEN - Quinn
What exactly is the dark devil? I don't know if I've ever taken the time to really define or diagnose it. It’s a darkness inside of me. One that is more than just how I feel when I'm having sex. It’s volatility. It’s an urge to let go and fuck shit up. No laws are safe from being broken, no face safe from being slapped if I feel disrespected, and no kink too dark for me to explore.
I've been running from it for a long time—since my father was arrested and taken out of our home nine years ago. Seeing him carried out in handcuffs filled me with shame and embarrassment, and I knew that if I gave into the darkness, I would end up just like him, and that was the last thing I wanted. But now that I'm with Olivia, I want to understand the depths of what I'm feeling. There is a new and growing part of me that doesn't want to run from it anymore, even though I knowI should. But I need to make sense of all of this, because I feel myself slipping away and becoming what I’ve always feared.
Why do Iwantto hurt her? Being with Olivia today showed me something. As she knelt before me, looking up with eyes made of black magic and asking me to make her forget the whole world, a new desire came into my body and took it over. This desire possessed my heart, and when I tried to fight it off, Olivia’s encouragement kept it in control. It grabbed me by the throat when she kneeled, and it took full control when she lifted her ass for me on that desk. When I hit her, I knew it was undone, and I fucking loved it.
Iwantedto hurt her. I wanted to see her skin change colors from each time I smacked her ass. The sound intoxicated me. The sting on my hand was a beautiful pain. The way her ass shook with each blow, and the unimaginable beauty of her skin blemishing made my cock as hard as fucking diamond.
When I came, it was an explosion of monumental proportion. My vision blurred. My muscles cramped. My world detonated, and I knew in that moment that everything I’d just experienced was what I'd been missing for so long. Linda couldn't give it to me, and before her, I ran too fast for the darkness to catch me. Well, today, the darkness had its way, and I think I learned something brand new about myself. Something I never would've imagined being true.
The dark devil is my truth. It’s how Ireallyfeel. It is my deepest desires fighting to manifest in my reality. It is all of the depravity, violence, and rage that I want to unleash on the world, and my desire to watch the world bleed for me. The darkness is my light. That’s why I feel no shame for what I've done after I've done it—I only feel fear beforehand. It is everything I want. It is the answer to all of my questions, and it makes sense that it terrifies me, because people usually do fear the truth. But how do I own it when I know what it makes me? The label of it. Thename society will stamp on me and weaponize. I know what it’s called, and I'm afraid to claim it. I'm scared to own it, but I know it’s true.
The dark devil is the real Quinn King, and I am a sadist.
TWENTY - Quinn
“Hey, what’s up, big dog?” Rob’s voice booms through the speakers of my car.
“Rob, you're not going to believe what happened at the end of the day today,” I say aloud as I zoom down the highway with my GPS set to a location I've never been. There was no way I was going to get there without telling my best friend about it.
Rob lets out a loud sigh. “Bro, I took the day off so that I wouldn't have to think about work. Why are you trying to ruin my life?”
“Relax, it’s not even really about work. I just needed to talk to somebody about what happened with Olivia today, and where I'm about to go right now.”
“Goddamn, Q, you're like an ex-virgin who just had his cherry popped. Running around all excited to tell us about how good sex is. We know, man! We just talked about how you hooked upwith her in her officeagainafter she promoted you. So if you have a new sex story, just keep it in your pocket, bro.”
I hit my blinker and get ready to exit the highway. “First of all, I don't know why y’all are hating on me. You and Marcus are supposed to be my boys—the people I can talk to about anything. Secondly, I don't have another sex story … yet. So shut up and let me tell you what happened before I run out of time. I’m almost there.”
“Almost where?”
“Olivia’s house.”
I sweat I can hear Rob’s eyes widening through the phone. “You're going to herhousenow? Since when?”
I let out a laugh. “Sincenow. That’s what I'm trying to tell you. I don't know what to make of it, but Olivia went the entire day without even looking in my direction, which is pretty crazy since seeing as how she came in my mouth last night.”
“See, there you go with the goddamn TMI, man,” Rob interjects, but I barrel over his words like they’re not even there.
“So, I'm in the office wondering if she's going to call me in after everyone leaves again. Bro, I sat at my desk like an asshole while everybody walked out, thinking she would call for me to come do what we do on her desk. Then, as I'm sitting there like a frozen statue, I see Olivia walk past my office without saying a word. She doesn't even glance in my direction. So I get up and stick my head out, only to find that her office is as black as midnight. She left for the day.”
“Oh shit,” Rob says, suddenly interested in my story after all of that complaining.
“Right. So, I'm mad as hell. Like, damn, not a single word or even a prolonged moment of eye contact. I stomp back over to my desk to shut off my computer, and I see that I have a new email that just came through while I was peeking out the door. Bro, it’s from Olivia. She sent me an email saying she wanted meto come over tonight so that we could have dinner and talk. She gave me a time to arrive, and then dropped her address at the bottom. She ignored me all day, just to send me this little gift at the end. I swear, the woman has my head in a constant tailspin.”
“Damn, that’s crazy,” Rob says. “But I see you decided to go, tailspin be damned.”
I scoff. “Of courseI decided to go. Listen, if you could see the memories in my head from what went down last time, you’d know why I’m going with no hesitation. Trust me on this. I wouldn't miss this for the world. I have to see what happens next in this story.”
“Just don't get too wrapped around her finger,” Rob advises. “I get it—the woman is gorgeous and you are having great sex, but try not to lose yourself in it. Don't forget what she said about not wanting love.”
