Page 56 of Left of the Slash
He laughs out loud. “Of course it does.”
“You really are a sadist, aren't you?”
“Oh, absolutely,” he answers proudly. “Listening to you gag earlier made me weak in the fucking knees, baby girl. I don't deny it.”
“Well, luckily for you, it was hot for me, too.”
We share a laugh before Q focuses his attention on my lower back, sliding himself down until his hands can reach the area just above my ass. I'm naked but covered by the sheets, while he's only wearing his pants. The room smells like sex and the humidity is dialed all the way up, but this is heaven. There is no other place I would rather be right now.
“Speaking of walking around the office,” Q says. “Are you ready for the EWB pitch? Tomorrow is our last day to prep.”
“I know,” I reply. “Yeah, I'm ready. I've learned everything I can about Joel Epson, and I'm ready to go kill it. From what I understand, the guy’s a prick, but I'm confident.”
“Yeah, I haven't heard anything good about him either, but if it goes south, I’ll be there to help you out. I got you.”
The smile that has been pulling at my lips since the moment this massage began slowly dissolves. “Well, I appreciate it, butI think I've got it under control. I don't need you to save me or anything.”
“Of course you don't,” Q quickly says, hearing the change in my tone even though I tried to hide it. “I'm just saying that if the asshole starts being the asshole he's known to be, I got you. It’s my job as CISO for one, but I think I've made it clear that I won't allow anyone to disrespect you. You belong to me, remember?”
As hot frustration quickly warms my body, I turn my head to the side so that Q can see my face. “Right. I belong to you … when we’re acting out BDSM scenes together. When you're my Dom and I'm your sub. When we’re down here in the playhouse, Q. Not all the time. We’re still on the same page about that, right?”
Q’s hands suddenly stop pressing against the small of my back. He removes them from my body completely and sits up straight. “Yeah, we’re on the same page, but I was starting to feel like things were shifting a bit. After Wonderland and me putting Stephen and Nick in their place, I thought … well, I thought you understood that my ownership of you extends outside of this playhouse.”
My body goes from warm to being on fire, and I turn myself all the way around, forcing Q off of me so I can look at him in his face. “Right, but that’s only to a certain extent. I know that what happened in the parking lot at Wonderland was special, and yeah, I thought it was hot, but I still meant what I said when we first started out. Don't go trying to get serious on me or anything. That’s not what you're doing, is it? I don't want to mess up what we have, but don't go breaking the rules.”
“The rules. So, we’re going back to the idea that I should be abiding by rules again,” he says, his words steaming with exasperation. “You said the same thing at Wonderland, and look how that night ended up.”
“Yeah, you took control of the situation and it was great, but come on, Q. Nothing’s changed. Especially with the EWB thing happening so soon, you know I have to stay focused the way I always have been. You know how important this is to me. All of it—Obsidian, EWB, being a CEO, my father. You know what this is, so don't get too far ahead of yourself. Yes, I'm yours when we fuck, but that’s it. Don't tell me the lines are blurring for you, because they aren't blurring for me. We had a good night tonight. It was spectacular. Don't ruin it.”
Q takes a moment to stare at me, almost as if he suddenly doesn't recognize me anymore and needs extra time to make sure I'm still Olivia. I can tell he's upset, and I understand it. I'm upset that he's seemingly trying to take us down a road that we don't belong on, and I'm upset at myself for feeling like I wouldn't mind travelling down that road with him. I like him more than I've ever liked anyone, and that’s terrifying because I know what that could lead to. I don't have time for that. So, I have to kill those feelings before they have a chance to blossom into something too beautiful to throw away.
“So let me get this straight,” Q says, moving to the side and sitting on the edge of the bed, the muscles in his back still shimmering with sweat. “You're telling me that after everything we've talked about and been through, you feel absolutely nothing for me. Is that what you're saying?”
“Of course I feelsomethingfor you, Q,” I answer, making sure to be careful with my words. “But this isn't love, and it won't ever be. Love can be very distracting to someone like me, and I don't want to be distracted from the path I've been on. I can't allow myself toneedanybody.”
“I'm not asking if you need me, Olivia. I know you don't. I'm asking if you care about me at all. If you feel anything for me.”
“Yeah,” I say, sitting up. “I like you the same way I did when we first agreed to this dynamic. That’s it, and Idon'tlike the waythis conversation is going. It’s getting tense and sounding way too much like an argument—our second one, actually, which is two too many for people who aren't in a relationship. So, I’m going to go upstairs and take a shower, and you can just see yourself out, alright.”
“See myself out? You’re beingseriousright now?”
“Yes, I am. I need to make sure that there is a bold line drawn between where we are now and where a serious, budding relationship is. I am not going to cross that line, so if all of this is confusing you, then I’ll be the one to make sure it’s clear. So I'm going to go up, we’ll have a final meeting tomorrow at the office to review the proposal one last time, and we can talk again after the pitch. Alright?”
“You're sayingalrightas if I have a choice,” he says, frowning hard as I start climbing off the bed and pulling sheets with me to cover my body.
“You don't right now,” I say.
“So, you're ending this?” he asks, and for reasons I don't know or like, my heart drops just from hearing those words.
“Of course not,” I reply a little too quickly, and have to clarify. “Look, I'm saying maybe we need some distance to make sure we’re not getting confused.”
“To make sureI'mnot getting confused.”
I swallow, wondering if I'm talking about myself or him.
“Have a good night, Quinn.”
“Wow,” he says, but I turn around and start walking toward the stairs anyway.
