Page 49 of Left of the Slash
“Yeah, maybe. It’s good for the soul. Those endorphins kick in and I forget the world the second I have iron in my hand. It’ll destress you, and you look like you could use a reprieve from some stress, Son. You doing okay?”
Just like a father. He can see the pressure weighing me down without me having to say anything about it.
I nod nonchalantly, hoping to convince him that I'm fine. “Yeah, I’m alright. A lot is going on with work and stuff. It’s all starting to get kind of heavy, but I'm doing fine.”
Dad’s eyebrow raises as he exhales. “I see. It’s been so long since I've seen you, I don't even know what’s going on with you, Q. You still at Obsidian?”
“Yeah,” I answer. “Still going strong. In fact, I've been promoted twice since the last time I was here. I'm the chief information security officer now—working right under the CEO. As far as my place in the company is concerned, things are going as good as they possibly can. It’s busy and stressful being at the top, but there's no place I'd rather be.”
Dad’s smile lights up the dimly lit room. “That’s so good to hear, Q. I love that for you, man. You make me proud, and you deserve it. That's awesome.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I say, just as the tears try to return from a swelling of pride.
“Well, if work is going well, I can only assume your love life is blossoming, too. Women love a man who’s good at making money.”
I laugh. “That they do. I'm making quite a bit these days, but my love life is … well, it’ssomething.”
“Uh-oh,” Dad says, leaning forward and placing his thick forearms on the wooden counter in front of him. His demeanor softens like we’re just a father and son sitting at home on the back patio, watching flames peek out of the firepit. “Tell me all about it. You seeing anyone?”
I nod slowly, but my eyes drop down as I think about Olivia. I don't know if she's dating me or the dark devil. “Yeah, I'm seeing someone. It’s complicated.”
“How so?”
“Well Dad, she's the CEO of Obsidian.”
Dad’s eyes bulge, then a smile takes hold of his entire face. “Goddamn, Q! Nowthatis how you do it. So you're part of a power couple? My man.”
I laugh even though the reality of it is far less humorous. “It’s something like that. Olivia isn't your every day girl. She's intense. Focused. Ambitious. She's not the kind of girl who wants to settle down.”
“Oh,” Dad replies, his smiling fading. “Well, how do you feel about her?”
I shrug. “I don't know. I feelsomething, but I don't know how to describe it. It hasn't been long, but she brings out the best in me … and the worst.”
“The worst? What do you mean?”
This is it. I've been waiting a long time to say this out loud, and I've been hoping that my father would be the one to put answers to my questions. Not only that. This will be an admission of the existence of my darkness and my desire to run from it. To run from him.
“I don't know how to describe it,” I start, unable to maintain eye contact with him. “Olivia … has something about her. Her way of life is … different.”
“Okay, we’re short on time, Son, and you're being vague. Don't bother easing into it to soften the blow. Just tell me how it is. How is she different?”
“Well … she's into BDSM,” I admit, but I make sure to say it quietly like I can be arrested for it.
Dad’s eyebrows raise. “Oh. Well damn. That’s not what I expected, but … okay. I can rock with that. Is that the darkness you're talking about?”
“Yeah,” I answer easier now that the truth is out in the open. “When I say darkness, I don't mean demonic or satanic or anything like what society might call it based on their fear and lack of understanding. It’s just darker than the vanilla, modest way everybody else lives. And truthfully, that side of her calls to the darkness that lives in me.”
Dad’s face suddenly droops downward as he frowns. “The darkness that lives in you? What are you talking about?”
“Thedarkness,” I repeat as if he heard the word but didn’t understand it. “Dad, ever since you got locked in here, I've been suppressing these feelings. I have something in me … something dark that tends to lash out when things get rough. I have this strong desire to hurt people when they piss me off, and it extends to this lifestyle that Olivia introduced me to. This BDSM shit is deep, and she submits to me. Like, she lets me do whatever I want, and it brings out that darkness. I find myself wanting to hurt her, too. When the temperature gets dialed up between the two of us, I want to inflict pain on her—within the limits of our dynamic, of course. Whatever this darkness is, I know it’s bad for me, but I sort of like it, too. I like the results it gets even if it has to bend or break the rules to get them. Honestly, it reminds me of you.”
By the time I'm finished talking, there is no smile on my father's face. He peers through the glass, pinning me to my seat.He adjusts his position and lets out a long exhale that fogs the glass between us before he speaks.
“Darkness that reminds you of me,” he says. “Yeah, Quinn … what the hell are you talking about, man?”
My brows knit together. “Did you not hear everything I just said?”
“I heard you just fine, Son, but I have no idea why you would say something like that. Darkness? You think I'm dark?”
