Page 48 of A Good Girl's Guide to Dominance
“Because I’m not going to have my employees dating our clients,” I answer.
“Is that against the rules?”
“Not necessarily, but that’s not the point. I wasn’t going to let Nia fall into his trap. Everyone knows Nix’s reputation.”
“So, it’s not a company rule, and it also doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you're interested in her?”
“I never said I was interested in her.”
“But you clearly are.”
“Did you hear the way I just described her? Of course I'm interested in her!” I snap as heat sizzles beneath my skin,making me sweat. “God, you're insufferable. Fine, I fucking like her. Alright? Are you happy now?”
“Of course I'm happy,stronzo. My question is—why aren't you?”
“Because this isn't what I do,” I bark. My voice booms out of my mouth, catching the attention of a few bar-goers. “It’s just like I told you at your house, I don't feel anything for people. That place in my heart—the part that hasfeelings—is reserved for Natalia. So, I don't want to talk about Nia or get into the details of our relationship. As much as I know you and Isabella want me to settle down, every time I think about it I feel like I'm betraying Natalia. So, all you need to know is that Nia is an employee of mine who I happen to find very attractive with a great personality. We also just so happen to have had sex a few times and I'm terrified that if I spend any more time with her that I'm going to move past interest and actually start to feel something for her.”
“Wait! You've had sex a few times? Are you kidding? You tried to breeze right past that as if I wouldn't latch onto it. You see? I knew I saw something in your eyes the second you mentioned her. Dude, you do realize that it’s okay if you have feelings for someone else, right?”
“I disagree.”
“Why?”
“Because I was married and my wife died.”
“Yeah, four years ago.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I bellow, suddenly angrier than I knew I would be at this conversation.
“Rome, it’s okay for you to move on,” Nikola tries to explain, but my brain just doesn't want to hear it. Even after all this time.
“You see? This is why I stayed away after my dad died,” I snip, quickly losing control of my emotions.
“Because you didn't ever want to hear the truth? You figured you'd be better off living in your world of bullshit and delusion?” Nikola fires back, using his words as missiles to blow apart the defenses I've built around myself.
“Fuck you,” I bark. “You have no idea what I've been through. Both of your parents are still alive, and so is your wife.”
Nikola lets out a long, tired sigh. “You're right, Rome. I’m so very fortunate that I haven't experienced loss the way that you have, and I'm so sorry that your father passed away recently and that the pain of that loss is so fresh in your heart. But I've been here for you the entire time. I've seen you overcome the pain, going through it silently only to come out the other end stronger than ever. I've seen you grow and mature, and I've seen you struggle. I've been the one constant in your life, which means that I'm the person in this world that you can trust. And I'm telling you right here and now, that you're a fool if you think Natalia would want you to use her memory as a reason to avoid your own happiness. You and I both know she would want you to move on and find someone who could love you just as much as she did.”
I want to reply. I wish I had something mean to say—some sort of quick-witted response that would make him stop talking. But when my eyes sting with tears, I know he's right. Natalia never liked to see me upset, and I know four years is a long time, but my father's passing makes it all feel so brand new.
“I …” I start, but have to take a second to choke back tears before finishing. “I just don't know if I'm ready for anyone to replace her.”
Nikola sighs. “Listen to me, Rome. I knew Natalia, and I loved her, too. She was perfect for you—we all knew that—and no one will ever replace her. Ever. You can't even think of it that way. It isn't about replacing her. It’s about finding a way to hold ontoher memory while also finding something new for yourself. You deserve happiness, too, bro.”
Try as I might, I can't think of anything to say in response. I know he's right, but that doesn't make it easier. I’m broken. The deaths in my life have shattered me into a million pieces, and I don't know how to put myself back together again after this most recent one. I'm sure I've been confusing her with all of my changes in temperature—one second I'm scorching hot for her, the next I’m giving her the cold shoulder. I'm sure it’s exhausting and infuriating, and I don't mean for it to be.
“Love hasn't been kind to me, Nikola,” I finally manage to say.
“I know,” he replies. “But are you willing to go the rest of your life running from it at the cost of your happiness?”
The question is like a ton of bricks falling on my chest, stealing my breath. I feel a thousand pounds weighing me down and it makes me light-headed and unable to focus. I don't want to run forever, but after all this time, I'm not sure I know how to stop.
Earned
Twenty-Five
After thanking me for all of my hard work and doing everything it took to reel in the Golden Diamond account, I didn't hear from Rome for the entire weekend. Two whole days of radio silence from him after defending me from Nix Malone. Nix fucking Malone. I didn't get it then, and I still don't get it now. Even the drive back to the office afterward was quiet and stuffed full of awkwardness. When I asked him what Nix was talking about when he said he didn't noticeitwhen we first walked into his restaurant, Rome acted like he didn't know whatitwas. He said it was nothing and kept staring straight ahead, his eyes barely blinking as he focused on the lines in the road. I didn't bother asking anymore questions, because I could tell he wasn't going to give me answers. He’d closed the door again and sealed it shut. So fuck it. I guess we’re done for real this time.
