Page 32 of A Good Girl's Guide to Dominance
“I … why?” I stammer, the muscles in my face tensing and making me scowl. “I don't understand the question.”
“Is it really that complicated? I would think that someone who’s willing to admit to a virtual stranger that they're a submissive would at least know what it means to them.”
“Idoknow what it means to me,” I reply, almost defiantly.
“Okay. Then what?”
“It means,” I begin quickly before forcing myself to slow down. I don't know where this is going, but it suddenly feels important that I answer correctly. “It means I'm a woman who craves a man she can trust. When I say that, I don't mean in the typical sense. Everyone wants a partner they can trust to not cheat and to treat them with kindness and respect. That’s a given. What I want is something more than that. I want a man I can trust with my pain, both metaphorically and literally. I want someone who deserves my submission—someone who has earned it by proving themselves to be reliable, authentic, and authoritative. I want to kneel for someone who I know will always stand for me—someone willing to fight and die for me, remain peaceful and live for me, take all of my pain and frustrations away and make me forget that the world exists. I need someone whose back isstrong enough to carry the weight of my emotions and concerns as well as their own. I need someone who doesn't judge me, but grows with me instead. Someone willing to explore ever-changing feelings and passions with me as we grow old together and become closer with the passing of time. I want to give myself to someone in every way possible and allow them to use me, hurt me, love me, break me—because I can always trust that they know exactly how to put me back together again. It requires someone who knows each and every single piece of me and how they all fit together, because I want to be shattered and broken apart so that I can forget the world, and then be restored by the one person capable of building me back up.”
When I’m finished talking, Rome doesn't speak. He looks at me, but not the way he usually does. Now he looks as though he is in awe. He licks and bites his bottom lip as his eyes shift downward and back up again, and I suddenly don't feel like he's not into BDSM anymore. At a minimum, he’s intrigued by what I just said. At most, there's much more to him than I thought I knew.
“That enough of an explanation for you?” I ask.
He nods. “Yeah, that was … you're incredible.”
My mouth was open to speak again, but his words snap it shut. What did he just say? Notitwas incredible.I’mincredible. Me?
“You're so confusing,” I admit aloud, shaking my head.
“Why do you say that?”
“You're so layered, and it fills me with an infinite number of questions about who you truly are. You just asked me about submission and what it means to me. Then that response. I just don't know what to think about you.”
Rome releases a sigh and sits up straight. “You want to know more about me?”
“I'd love to,” I answer.
“Okay,” he says, then his eyes find mine and never leave. “I asked what submission meant to you, and the answer is important to me … because I’m a Dominant.”
Five seconds tick by before I breathe, blink, or think.
“What?” I say.
“Since I was twenty-one, so it has been a while,” he says. “That’s why I asked about what submission meant to you. I understand it. I’ve dealt with it and nurtured different variations of it more times than I could count. I understand it more than most, so when you mentioned it the other day in the breakroom, it took me by surprise. I'd been pushing it down while I recovered from the tragedy of my father's death, but you … hearing you admit it openly and proudly ignited it again.”
My heart feels like it pumps it off-beat, the rhythm confused by this admission. I should have known. From the moment he walked through the doors of Sandcastle—the way he dressed, the way the entire building seemed ready to bow and kneel for him, the intimidating way he carries himself and looks at people, his ability to be brutally honest before flipping it over and dishing out compliments without shame. It all points to this. He’s a Dom. I should've known it and now I do, and yet I still can’t believe it.
I try my best to not let this new information get the best of me. Yes, he’s stunningly attractive with all of the characteristics I look for in a Dom, but I can't let him know that I’m lusting for him from across the table. So I push my astonishment down into my belly, swallowing it while it tries to wiggle its way back up my throat like a live worm.
“Interesting,” I force myself to say. “In that case, I played your game. Now play mine. What does being a Dominant mean to you?”
Rome smiles wide, stealing the breath from my lungs in an instant. I even let out a tiny gasp from the sight of it, but thankfully he doesn't hear it.
“A submissive making demands to a Dominant. That’s interesting.”
“You're notmyDominant,” I reply, grinning like the devil.
“Well played,” he says, nodding in agreement. “In that case, it means everything to me.”
“Wow,” I exclaim with raised brows. “That’s about as vague as it gets.”
His smile slowly fades away, and I swear the room darkens.
“It’s all of who I am,” he says. “Every bit and piece of me, from head to toe. The control I crave on a daily basis, the way I conduct my business, the way I speak to people, the way I look at people—I can't help any of it because being a Dom is who I am on the inside. I couldn't turn it off if I tried, and trust me, I've tried.
“I want to be trusted to take the control I so strongly desire. I want it given to me, handed over like a delicate flower that will die if I don't care for it perfectly. I want to know someone so thoroughly that I’m just as knowledgeable on who they are as they themselves, if not more. I want to inflict pain. I want to cause damage and bruise skin, and I want to nurture it all back to perfect health so that it is stronger than it was before.
“Submission is the greatest gift I can ever be given, because it means I've earned the right to be someone’s entire world, and entrusted with the honorable task of caring for it in whatever way they need. I’m their protector. I’m their deviant. I'm their god. I’m their devil. I am the air they breathe and blood that flows through their veins. To my submissive, I am everything. Therefore, being a Dominant is everything to me.”
