Page 78 of A Good Girl's Guide to Dominance
I frown, but it only makes my head hurt worse. “Oh, my god. Who are you?La polizia? I’m suffering enough, officer. I don't need to feel any worse. Then again, maybe I deserve to.”
“You see there?” Nikola says, getting up from the ottoman and sitting next to me. “Why would you say that? Even on the day that is your saddest of every year for the last five years, I've never heard you say that you deserved to suffer. So what happened?”
“Do you even know how annoying you are?”
“I don't want to hear that shit from you. You come to my home for dinner and lose your shit at my wife over her wanting to see you—her friend for years—be happy. You stomp out of the house and leave us crying in your wake, then have the nerve to tell meI’mannoying. I know there has to be mirrors somewhere in this big, new house for you to look in.”
“The sound of your voice is nails on a chalkboard.”
“Good. What happened?”
“She told me she loved me,” I blurt out. “God, you insufferable prick. On the five-year anniversary of Natalia’s death, Nia told me that she loved me. We got into it with some asshole at the bar, and I stepped in to defend her. Knocked the guy out cold before we ran out of there and went back to her place. I guess seeing me protect her put her deep inside of her feelings, and she told me that she was in love with me.”
“So you ended it,” Nikola says as a statement, not a question.
“Yes. I ended it.”
Silence rests over us for a moment before Nikola speaks again, but now there is anger in his voice.
“Rome, as your best friend, I'd like to say something to you,” he begins. “And also as your best friend, you can't try to throw me out or storm back into your sad little lair back there. I simply want you to listen and absorb the words I'm about to say—words you desperately need to hear. Okay?”
I sigh, more focused on sitting still so my head will stop throbbing. “Fine.”
“Cool,” he says calmly, then he snaps. “You're a fucking idiot.”
My eyes fly open. “What?”
“Don't talk. I told you to just listen,” he says, pointing his finger in my face. “You are a fucking idiot, and a little bit of an asshole. I love you, man, but it’s true. You were with that girl for a few months, spending all of your time with her, doing everything couples do. I saw how happy you were. It was written across your face like permanent marker. Isabella saw it, too. You were finally starting to move on and allowing happiness to enter your life. But because the anniversary came up again, you chose to sink. Youchoseto give up and let your fear win, and the fact that you made that choice instead of choosing love makes you a fucking idiot.”
“Fuck. What the fuck do you want from me, Nikola?”
“For you to stop being a bitch!” he barks. “And for you to start being the man that Natalia fell in love with.”
I sit up and stare at him, anger bristling beneath my skin. “Don't start talking about things you know nothing about.”
“Oh, please. Try that silly shit on somebody who hasn't known you their entire life. Butme? I was there. I know who you were back then. I knew your sense of humor. I saw your humility. I witnessed your strength. I was in awe of your determination and will power, defying your father's wishes for you to become a part of his businesses and staking your own claim. I knew you, which means I knew the Rome that Natalia fell in love with. She married the powerful, motivated, fearless version of you that I remember, and she would run from this terrified,smallman that you have become.”
“You better be careful with the next words you say, Nikola,” I warn, but tears sting my eyes as realization dawns on me. I put every ounce of my effort into fighting them back, but I’m too weak. They win easily and begin pouring from my face as Nikola continues to read me like a book I never wanted to open myself.
“When your mother was tragically taken from this world, you were nineteen years old. You wished your mother was alive to see you walk down the aisle with Natalia, but you didn't let it stop you from walking. You were stronger then. You've allowed fear to consume you, man—to weaken you—and you and I both know neither your mother, Natalia, or your father would recognize this timidness in you. None of them would want to see you like this, Rome.
“You used to smile and laugh like it was your favorite thing to do. Now, making you smile is like pulling teeth. At least, it was before you met Nia. She brought your smile back. You knocked out a stranger in a bar for her, so it’s safe to say she brought your fire back, too. She made you happy, bro … and it’s okay to letgo of Natalia and accept happiness with Nia. Because you don't have to be willing to say it in order for both me and Isabella to know it. You love her, Rome.”
The sound of the word sends a spike through my heart that makes the tears fall faster.
“You don't know what you're talking about,” I force myself to say, fighting with all of my strength to hold onto the façade.
Nikola doesn't even bother arguing with me. He simply stares at me with his head tilted. “Yes, I do. Lie to yourself all you want, but don't lie to me.”
As I stare at the truest friend I've ever had, the walls I’ve built around my heart begin to crumble. The fear remains, but I allow myself to become more open, and it lets a rush of emotion in.
“But what if something happens?” I ask, unable to even maintain eye contact as I cry like a baby. “What if she dies just like the rest of them?”
“Did the years you spent with Natalia mean nothing to you? Or were they the happiest years of your life and the fondest memories that you have?”
Sniffing, I say, “You know the answer.”
“I do. So are you willing to give up having the happiest years of your life over the fear that itmightnot end well? You'd rather be miserable than risk it all for a lifetime of bliss? You're an idiot, Rome, but nobody isthatbig of an idiot.”
