Page 75 of A Good Girl's Guide to Dominance
I smile as I sigh and close my eyes, sinking into him. “I love you, Rome.”
Both of us freeze. Time stops as the sound of my heartbeat grows so loud that it is all I can hear. The relaxation that began to take hold of Rome suddenly reverses. Rigidity creeps into hismuscles, making him stiffen in my arms until it feels like I’m cuddling a mannequin.
“What did you just say?” he asks as he takes a step back.
It’s too late to pull it back now. Although I had the thought days ago, I chose not to say it then. But everything that has taken place tonight just pushed it out of me. Being in his arms after he risked his life and freedom just to ensure that a man he didn't even know didn't disrespect me lowered my guard. The scent of him, and the way his words made me feel worked like a voodoo spell, disintegrating my inhibitions and forcing the words from my heart, and there is no way to put them back.
“I said I love you,” I repeat, owning it and basking in how it feels to say it out loud. “I know it’s a lot, and I don't expect you to say it back, but it’s true. I honestly think I'm in love with you.”
“What? Of course I won't say it back,” he suddenly snaps, his words slamming into my chest like he just hurled a brick.
It hurts so much that I wince and take my own step back. “What?”
“Why would you say that to me?” he questions as a look of miserable disgust spreads across his face.
“What do you mean? I said it because it’s true.”
“No, it’snottrue. You don't love me, Nia, and I don't love you either. Alright?”
My face twists into a confused frown that makes my head tilt.
“What … Rome, what the hell just happened? Where is this coming from? Am I missing something?”
“Besides the fact that we are not in love with each other? I don't know. I can't believe you just said that.”
“What the fuck? I don't understand why you're reacting this way.”
“Of course you don't understand,” he blares, shocking me with the sheer volume of his words and the heat of his anger. “How could you? You don't know me. You don't know what I've beenthrough. You have the nerve to tell me that you love me on the anniversary of my wife’s death? Are you out of your mind?”
Understanding and realization hit me like an arrow to the heart, completely deflating every good feeling I had earlier. That’s why he has been acting so strangely all day. Somehow, my feelings for Rome have done a fantastic job of making me forget that he is a widower. He loved someone before me and she died, and her death has been the catalyst for his fear of commitment ever since.
I take a deep breath and swallow hard, trying my best not to be offended. “Rome, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I couldn't have possibly known that today is the anniversary of her death. You can't blame me for not knowing that.”
“Maybe not,” he says as tears fill his eyes. “But maybe you should've picked up on the clues and not dropped this bomb on me. I don't do love. Do you understand? Love has been nothing but poison in my life, killing everyone I've cared about. I refuse to feel it. I refuse to accept it. I don't want it. I don't fucking love you!”
“I'm not asking you to feel it,” I say as I begin to cry. “I just wanted you to know howIfeel.”
“Stop it!” he bellows.
“Youstop it, Rome,” I fire back. “I love you, whether you like it or not, but you can't keep forcing me to compete with your dead wife. If you can't give your heart to me, then what are we even doing?”
“We’re not doing fucking anything, Nia, because we’re done!” he screams as tears cascade down his cheeks. He stands there, crying his eyes out as he stares at me, somehow still defiant even as he weeps.
“Done?” I ask. “We’redone? You're ending it because I love you? Rome, this doesn't make any sense.”
“I don't give a fuck if it makes sense to you. You could never understand.”
“Then fucking make me. You don't get to tell me that I won't understand something, and then don't even try to break it down for me so that I can. You don't get to just run away from how perfect we are for each other just because you're scared.”
“I'm notscared,” he shrieks, but his words are barely audible through his sobs.
“Bullshit. I love you, and you know what else? I think you love me, too.”
“Stop. No I don't.”
“Yes you do. You're just too much of a coward to admit it.”
Tears stream down both of our faces as we stand in front of each other like two boxers squaring off. Rome’s face is showered in tears, his aura of invincibility completely dismantled as he breaks down and succumbs to vulnerability. I don't know what else to say, so silence screams in my ears until Rome stands up straight and takes a deep breath, trying to regain his composure.
