Page 28 of I Love to Hate You
“Uhh … I … where is all this coming from?” I inquire, completely stunned by this shift.
“All of this is coming to an end. I’m getting my degree and am finally free to relax a little,” Kendrick says. “Now that I know I’ve made it, I’m just going for what I want.”
“AndI’mwhat you want?”
“Yes,” he answers with no hesitation, sending me reeling with how sure he is. He leans in more, closing the already small gap between us, and I follow his lead, but before our lips touch, the hall is suddenly flooded with a fresh surge of people leaving a class, forcing us to step away.
Sounds come rushing back to life as the air finally thins and I’m able to breathe again. Kendrick steps back and looks around with clear disappointment on his face.
“Did you hear about the graduation party Amber Perkins is throwing on Friday?” he asks.
“Yeah, of course. Everybody’s going.”
“Including you?”
“Well, I don't know. I hadn't really thought about it,” I admit as Kendrick takes another step back and angles his body toward the men’s bathroom.
He places his hand on the door and pushes it open. “Well, think about it.”
I fight back the smile threatening to overtake my face. “Don’t tell me what to do.”
Kendrick smiles wider than I’ve ever seen, and it floors me. Then, he steps over the threshold of the bathroom and lets the door shut behind him.
Twenty
~ MAYA~
My final day of college takes place on a sunny Friday morning in Philadelphia, as Temple University hosts its one-hundred-thirty-sixth commencement program on its football field. The weather is perfect, with a warm breeze that brushes through my hair as I stare up at the stage from my spot on the fifty yard line of Lincoln Financial Field, and there has never been a prouder moment. I don't have Eddie sending me texts with hug and kiss emojis, or even a parent sitting up in the stands today, but I’m okay with it all. I’m here, and that’s what today is really about. I made it here with nothing but my hard work and dedication to my own success and future. I am the only one who made this happen, and there isn’t a soul on this Earth that could take this away from me. I did it.
After all of the rehearsals and run-throughs, the moments leading up to my name being called go by quickly and without a hitch. Everyone with a last name before Valentina gets their degree first, which means I have to wait for almost the entire ceremony before I hear my own name, but I wait patiently in my cap and gown, knowing that it doesn't matter how long it takes. My time is coming.
I’m speechless through the entire commencement, as I don't know the girls on either side of me in the seating, and I don't cheer in the slightest when Eddie Thomas’s name is called and he glides across the stage to the raucous cheers of his well-off family. We’re seated too far away from each other for him to glance at me, which I'm sure he would if he were closer, and I’m thankful that our last names are so far apart in the alphabet.
When Kendrick’s name is announced, there’s no explosion of cheers for him. From the field, I can hear a small blare of excitement from what sounds like a woman’s voice, but it doesn't last long. Kendrick’s cheering section is nowhere near as big as Eddie’s, and the fact that he has a reputation as a bully doesn’t help matters. When he walks to accept his degree, he doesn’t wave to anyone or even acknowledge the audience or fellow graduates. He simply walks forward quickly and takes his degree with a slight smile and barely-noticeable head nod to the dean. The two of them know each other well after all of Kendrick’s run-ins with school staff and suspensions that shockingly never lead to an expulsion, and I’d bet that neither of them thought this day would come. The dean's smile is that of an athlete thanking his opponent for putting up a fight worthy of competition while also being grateful that the bout is over. Today, both competitors win, and the pride on each of their faces is obvious.
When my name is called, the scene is eerily similar to when Kendrick walked across the stage. I’m followed by silence as I ascend the steps and walk toward the dean, who smiles at me the exact same way he smiled at Kendrick.
“Congratulations,” he says without uttering my name, and hands me my degree while immediately looking behind me to the next student waiting for their name to be called. I don't take it personally, though. There’s nothing he or anyone else could do to ruin this day.
Like Kendrick, my reputation at Temple cuffs anyone’s hands who would even think to clap for me, but I still feel the glee floating amongst the crowd. My joy is just as palpable as anyone else’s, and my heart still drums as I sit down and watch the rest of the ceremony. As the end draws closer, a smile takes over my face and refuses to subside. It stays stuck on my mouth through each and every speech, and it somehow grows wider with the dean’s final congratulations.
Our caps fly into the air all at once as cheers erupt around me, and the feeling in my gut tells me that everything is about to get so much better. I’ve accomplished something no one thought I could, and I did it with distinction. Stand up, Kensington. Your girl made it.
* * *
“Oh, look at you all dressed up,” my father says when I return home still draped in my gown and holding my degree.
He stands in the kitchen wearing a black and red flannel and blue jeans that reminds me of who he was before my mother died. My father used to work in construction for a company called Lane Contracting, but when my mom died, his alcoholism took over, and after spending a ton of time at home following the funeral, he went back to work without solving his drinking problem. It’s not exactly a good idea to be drunk while operating an excavator, and he ended up hurting himself while hiding the fact that he had been drinking on the job. He has been getting paid disability ever since, but every now and then he resembles the man my mother fell in love with. As tumultuous as our relationship has been over the last nine years, it’s always nice to see Dad up and moving around.
“Yeah, today was the graduation,” I say, closing the door behind me. I walk across the living room and hand him my degree with a proud smile on my face. “I did it, Dad. I graduated college.”
My father takes the degree and looks it over, his mouth never even hinting at a smile.
“Look at that,” he says, completely deadpan. Silence fills the room as a sudden tension swoops in on us while he stares at the degree. “It’s too bad your mother isn’t here to see it. She would've been proud.”
Dad pushes the degree back into my hands and spins around to go into the kitchen, where he grabs a beer and walks right past me to sit down in his favorite chair without glancing at me again. I watch him pick up the remote to the TV and start flipping through channels, and my heart breaks. Tears immediately fill my eyes, and I feel overwhelmed by frustration because I’d gone the entire day without letting anything upset me, and it’s my father who breaks the levy. He’s the only one capable of pushing me down and keeping me there, because he’s the only one whose approval actually matters to me. He’s the only one I love.
“Aren'tyouproud?” I ask, doing my best to block the tears trying to shed.
