Page 27 of Interview with a Sadist
I press the button for the recorder to start and sit back on the couch. His blue eyes peer into me, snatching my attention. God, he’s so good-looking.
Fuck, I have to get it together. The interview isn’t done.
“So, Mr. Carter,” I start. I shake my head to scatter distracting thoughts. “After everything I've learned here at The Black Collar, what has struck me most about communicating with you is how much you value BDSM as a lifestyle. The final room you showed me in the club was the main stage, where only VIP guests of the club are allowed to get on and perform for the viewers. To some, it may only be seen as voyeurism, but to those in the room who were blessed to witness it, it was love. Why is it so important to you that people understand that love exists in BDSM?”
Nolan raises an eyebrow and nods his approval. “Great question. The common misconceptions about BDSM are that our lifestyle is violent, hypersexual, criminal, deviant, and lust-driven. People on the outside have no idea that those who choose to engage in BDSM are just as normal as anybody else walking down the street. The same way that anybody else would want love, members of the lifestyle want it as well, and when we manage to find it, it’s more glorious than anything I’ve ever seen.
"Our connections are deep, and our bond is strong within the dynamics we choose to make us happy. People need to see that this is more than just lust-filled nights with random strangers we don't care about. They need to know that this isn’t the exploitation of rape culture or assault. BDSM is a lot of things, but our core value is consent, and that alone makes us better than what our detractors think of us. We are worthy of love, and we certainly are capable of it. They don't believe us when we tell them, so I like to use the main stage to show them.”
I find myself staring at Nolan and losing track of the seconds that tick by. As much as I’d like to deny it—because I don'treallyknow much about him—he mesmerizes me. With every conversation, I learn something new about him that makes him that much more astonishing. When he speaks, he becomes mystical to me—a god-like creature with an aura that brightens every time he opens his mouth. Stunned, I shake my head and try to continue.
“And what about you, Mr. Carter?” I ask, to which Nolan raises a brow.
“What about me?”
“You’re a strong advocate for showing love in the lifestyle, but what about you? Have you ever been in love?”
His mouth flinches like it’s ready to smile, but it slips away. “No, unfortunately I haven't.”
“So, you're passionate about love in BDSM, but you’ve never experienced it? You’ve never had your own love on display on the main stage?”
“No, I haven't found the right person yet—the person that I’d want to put on display so that the world knows she’s mine, but I have high hopes that one day I will.”
I literally bite my tongue with my front teeth to keep from saying what I’m thinking. I don't want to ask if he’s interested enough to test the waters with me, but it certainly crosses my mind. Instead of being too forward and embarrassing myself, I ask another question that I hope doesn’t give me away.
“So, you're currently single?”
Nolan nods. “Yes.”
“Are you looking?”
“I wouldn't say I’m looking or I’m not. I’m just living, and I’ll be open to whatever comes along.”
“What kind of qualities do you prefer in a girlfriend?”
Nolan tilts his head a bit, eyeing me carefully. Maybe my questions were enough to give me away after all.
“Interesting question,” he begins, charging the air around me with his gaze. “While I’d obviously prefer a submissive in the lifestyle, the most important thing is that I end up with someone who knows themselves well. I want a person who isn’t afraid to be open about who they are, or to explore new ways for us to express our feelings for each other. I want a connection that’s deeper than what’s on the surface. I want to earn my partner’s trust and submission through actions that prove I’m worthy of that trust. So, I don't care if I have to take baby steps with someone when it comes to sadism and masochism. I’ll gladly take it slow for the right person, because in the end, what we learntogetheris what will make us unbreakable.”
When he looks at me, I can feel desire through his eyes. They seem to be an even brighter blue now, as if he’s hypnotizing me, and I absolutely feel like I’m being put under his spell. Either I’m overthinking, or Nolan knows I’m interested in him. He can sense that I want to explore the lifestyle he cherishes. I want him to be my teacher, and he must be able to sense it in the air.
Feeling invigorated and emboldened by his eyes on me and the words he just spoke, I feel myself lose control. My ability to keep the interview centered around what the readers want to know slips through my fingers, replaced only by what I want. Fuck the readers. I want Nolan all to myself now.
“You’re different today,” he says. I blink my shock away with fluttering eyes, but I don't try to rein in how I feel now. I embrace it, swallowing it and letting the energy consume me. I don't know what it is, and it scares me … which is why Ihaveto explore it.
“Can I ask you to do me a favor?” I question. My voice shakes with nervousness, but I exhale and steady myself. I’m doing it. I’m going for it right now.
“Of course,” Nolan replies. He leans forward and places his elbows on his knees, his black shirt straining to contain the muscles in his arms and shoulders.
“Tell me a story,” I say.
He nods. “Another story? About what?”
“Before, you stated that your favorite toys were the ones that cause the most damage to the skin. Well, there are a lot of toys that could do that. I was wondering if you had a favorite.”
“A favorite impact toy?”
“Yes.”
