Page 23 of Interview with a Sadist
“Octavia, no,” I whine, dragging the words out like a bratty child.
“What is the matter with you?” she asks, scowling. “You go to a freakin’ BDSM club, getting exclusive access, and you don’t want to come in here screaming about it through a megaphone? You’re ridiculous, Bree Barrett.Ridiculous.”
“Ugh,” I groan, throwing my head back against the headrest. “Can’t I have one second of peace from this world? One second!”
“No. How dare you,” Octavia says flatly. “Bree, you’re taking this situation for granted. You have the best assignment in the building right now and you’re acting like you hate it, which I know is bullshit becausenobodywould hate this assignment. Even if you’re not into BDSM, the details of it all are still interesting, so all this agonizing you’re doing is really suspicious, and I don’t buy it. So, maybe you should stop fronting and tell me what’s really going on.”
Octavia spins around and grabs a chair from the empty cubicle across from mine and slides it over, sitting down so close to me that I have to back up to avoid feeling awkward.
I debate it in my head before I speak, because I know once the words leave my mouth, I won’t be able to bring them back. There’s no putting the toothpaste back into the tube once it’s out, but there’s so much pressure building up inside me that the tube will explode if I don’t release some. Even when I pinch my lips together, the urge to speak is a crowbar prying my mouth open.
“Oh, shit,” Octavia suddenly whispers, drawing my attention. “You’re into him, aren’t you?”
I pop forward, sitting up straight with my face only inches from Octavia’s.
“What?” I say in nothing more than a whisper.
“You’re into him,” Octavia repeats, making my nerves constrict.
“I … no,” I say weakly, and Octavia’s mouth drops open.
“You just lied to me,” she says. “Oh, shit. You’re into him, you’re into BDSM, you’re intoall of it, aren’t you?”
I try to keep it at bay. My eyebrows draw in and I clamp my mouth shut, even pressing my hand over my lips and making a complete ass of myself just to hold it back, but I can’t do it anymore. I’ve seen and heard too much, and my curiosity has grown into a dragon that can no longer be chained up inside a cave. It has to fly now, and God only knows what kind of damage it will do. All I know is that if I try to keep it locked away any longer, I’ll be the one it hurts.
“Fuck,” I whisper through my fingers. Octavia’s ears perk up, anticipating what I’ll say next as I drop my hand. “Yes.”
Octavia gasps, leaning in even closer. “What?Yes?”
“Yes,” I say again, louder this time as I fall back into my chair. “I don’t know where it all came from. Maybe it was the story he told about using the toys on someone in his office—the same office we were sitting in at the time. Maybe it put my imagination to work a littletoomuch. Maybe it was everything I saw last night while he gave me the tour—and there wasso muchto see. There was a room dedicated to each of his favorite kinks, but then there were all of these rules in place to keep people from doing too much. He was held in such high regard by everybody in the building. Not just the people who work for him either. Even the patrons looked at him like he was some sort of god. They parted like the fucking Red Sea when he approached, and came back together behind us once we passed. All of it was absolutely surreal, and I was mesmerized. Everybody was happy and in a good mood. His bartender was super cool. The place was controlled and packed with a type of fun I didn’t think people could have without acting like total deviants and psychos. I just never knew that type of lifestyle existed, and now that I’ve seen it, it feels like it has cleared my vision. Now, I can see I’ve been missing something. I prejudged the lifestyle, and now that I’ve seen it for real, I … I think I’m interested in it. Fuck. What the hell is wrong with me?”
Silence hangs in the air a moment before Octavia smiles wide and pulls me into a tight hug.
“Aww, I’m so proud of you,” she says, sounding like a pleased mother before she backs away and looks me in the eye, still beaming. “I’m glad to hear you finally admit it, because it has been written all over your face since the moment you met the guy. Oh, andnothingis wrong with you. If anything, being closed-minded was wrong, but admitting you're interested in something isn’t wrong at all.”
“Then why do I feel like I need to ask my parents and friends for forgiveness?” I say, pouting.
“Because—no offense—they’re closed minded like you were. Where do you think you got it from?” she replies. “But you’re finally in a place where you’re starting to become comfortable with the idea of trying new things. This is a good thing, Bree.”
“But isn’t it wrong to be interested in this kind of stuff?”
“Why? Because your parents said it was when you were little? Because your friends shut it down without knowing anything about it at all? Hating something without even knowing why is not a good thing. Your mind is opening because you saw it in person and realized that it’s nothing like you thought it’d be, and now that you know, you have an interest that youabsolutelyshould explore.”
“What? I should?”
“Of course you should!” Octavia barks before correcting herself and whispering again. “Of course you should. You’re a twenty-nine-year-old single woman, Bree. You should be out there exploring the shit out of your sexual fantasies until you find a man—or woman—that can satisfy them all. Luckily for you, you may have already found him.”
I bulge my eyes. “Excuse me?”
“Oh, please,” she says, scoffing. “You can save that act for when you talk to Chase about the story, but I know a crush when I see one.”
“I donothave a crush on him. I’m too old for crushes.”
“Yeah? Well, call it what you want, but you like him. You like the power he holds, and I don’t blame you. That story about the office was like a fucking inferno it was so hot—and what’s not to like about a man that people move out of the way for? He sounds like a badass, and if he’s interested in you too, then you should go for it.”
“I can’t do that,” I say, suddenly feeling terrified of the idea of even seeing Nolan after this admission.
“Why?” Octavia asks with an exaggerated shrug.
