Page 49 of Kingpin
Alannah
The boxes on the floor are driving me crazy, but it’s worth it to have my own place. It took the landlord a couple of days to get my apartment ready, which is why I had to stay in River City, but I was able to start moving in this morning, and although it sucks having to unpack, it feels good to have a place to call my own.
It’s only been a day since I almost died at Isle of Capri with Dominic, and the memory is still a fresh wound that hurts when I think about it. I dreamt about it the night it happened and developed a new level of understanding for people who go to war and experience PTSD. My situation only lasted a few seconds and I’m a total wreck, so I can only imagine if it had lasted days, weeks, or months.
It wasn’t long ago, but I’ve spent every second since then thinking about it. Thinking about Dominic. I haven’t heard from him since that night, but I’m glad because I don’t know what I’d say or do at this point. I feel like my dreams of what it’d be like to come back to him came crashing down around me like the exploding glass window. I had one thing in mind, and I initially thought that thing was going to come true. However, reality has a way of slapping you in the face, and that’s exactly what happened.
Dominic Collazo, the beautiful Italian I fell in love with when I was just a teenager, is still gorgeous, and the emperor of sex appeal. He’s even a bigger bad boy now than he was before, but there’s a price that comes with it that I simply didn’t take into consideration.
A teenager who’s a bad boy is almost never as bad as he seems. He probably smokes, or doesn’t take shit from anyone, including adults he should fear and respect, or he dresses like he doesn’t really give a damn about anything. It’s usually something on the surface, but deep down, he’s just a kid trying to find himself.
An adult bad boy is much more dangerous. An adult bad boy is the one who’s into the illegal things that can bring you the most trouble. An adult bad boy knows who he is, knows he’s bad, and doesn’t care a bit. It’s real when they’re badmen. That’s Dominic.
As a kid, Dominic was everything I wanted, and he’s still physically everything, but he scares me now in a way he couldn’t before. Maybe it was because I didn’t know about everything, and I was a bit naïve when it came to his father and the Italian ancestry. Well, I know about it all now—I know how the police view the mafia and I know the history of it, and after the shooting the other night, I can’t help but look at Dominic differently. At least, that’s how I think I feel before I hear a knock on my front door.
It’s nine o’clock in the evening and I’m unpacking in a new apartment, so I don’t know why anybody would be at my door right now, unless it’s the landlord checking up on me. So, I pause for a minute, holding a plate in the kitchen and assuming my visitor will realize they have the wrong house and go away. But there’s another knock. I put the plate in the golden oak cabinet and slowly make my way over to the door. I look out the peep hole and I’m shocked to see him.
It’s him.
It’s Dominic.
“Hi,” he says as I open the door. He smiles at me, but I don’t smile back, and I can see it makes him a little uneasy. “How are you?”
“I’m okay,” I answer, before getting to what I really want to know. “How do you know where I live?”
He smirks as if to say “You didn’t really think you could hide from me, did you?”
“I had one of my guys look into it.”
“But Ijust moved in. . . this morning.”
“I know. I looked for you at River City and they told me you checked out, so I had my guy, Charlie, look into it for me. Charlie has ways of finding things out like that.”
“Umm, that’s a total invasion of privacy, but okay.”
“I know it is, and I’m sorry about that. I just really needed to talk to you. Can I please come in?”
I want to hesitate, but there’s something in me that wants to let him in. He looks amazing in his white button-up and light gray pants. It’s pretty casual but he makes casual look sexy as hell. I move aside and he brushes past me.
“Excuse the mess,” I tell him as I lock the door and turn to face him.
His face is serious as he steps around the scattered boxes. He’s been thinking about a lot, I can tell, and that expression of worry is still lingering. I try to not to get caught up in the look on his face and just focus on how I almost got shot the last time I was with him. I do my bestI’m pissed offimpression, and stand there waiting for him to speak. It takes a minute for him to realize I’m waiting, then he gets to it.
“Okay,” he begins nervously, gesturing with his hands. “Umm, I don’t really know how to say everything I wanna say, but I know I need to say it. I know that shit was bad the other night, and I didn’t expect all of that to happen, and I swear that’s not the kind of thing that goes on in my life on a regular basis. Before that night, everything was smooth. I’m a casino owner and a business man, but I don’t want to lie to you, or lead you to believe something other than the truth. It’s been ten years, and there’s things you don’t know about me, and I’d hate for you to get the wrong impression, so it’s important that I’m honest with you.”
He takes a deep breath and steadies himself, like his words are heavier than his body is ready for. I feel nerves in my stomach, but I let him continue without interrupting.
“The stuff you said you heard on the news is mostly true. Iama made member of the Giordano family, otherwise known as the St. Louis mafia, or the St. Louis crime family. My father was a made member as well, and he started prepping me to be a part of it when I was about eight years old. I’ve seen and done a lot since then, and a lot of that stuff has been bad. I’ve done things you probably don’t ever want to hear about, things I won’t tell you for your own safety. This thing is all I know, and I’ve managed to make it mostly legit, and I’ve avoided most of the stereotypical mafia bullshit they say on TV. Things went south before you got here, but there’s something you gotta know, Alannah. I’ve been waiting for you since the day you left.
“I tried to put on this tough guy act when I first saw you, and I tried to avoid how seeing you made me feel. I didn’t want you to think I was soft, but none of that matters anymore. The truth is, I haven’t been able to be serious with anyone because nobody could ever compare to you. The things I’ve felt for you since the day we met in 2001 could never be replaced by something new. Why do you think I’ve been carrying your letter around for the past ten years? It’s always been you, Alannah. Since I was eleven years old, it’s always been about you, even when we were in junior high and I was too chicken shit to tell you. My heart left when you did, and now that you’re back, everything I felt has come rushing back with you. It’s new, and it’s fucking terrifying, especially with the shit that went down at Isle of Capri, but this feeling will never be matched.
“I just need you to know that I would die protecting you. I would literally lay down my life to make sure you’re safe, and you’re the only fucking person in the world I’d do that for. I promise I’ll take care of you, nobody will ever lay a finger on you, and nobody will ever feel about you the way I feel about you.
“You are it for me, for the rest of my fucking life, I know it. You’re it. So, I’m begging you to give me a chance to clean up this thing that went crazy the other night. I’m asking you to forget the other stuff, and focus on us. Focus on what we felt for each other ten years ago, and how those feelings were strong enough to bring you back here, all the way from fucking Alaska. You’re it for me, Alannah, and I’m hoping you’ll give me a chance to prove that I can be it for you, because now that you’re back, I don’t think I can handle being without you again.”
I should be running for my life. I should kick him out and hide under the covers until he goes away for good. I shouldn’t care what he says or how sweet it sounds, or how good he looks. I should get far, far away from Dominic and everything dangerous that comes with him. I just don’t want to.
I tell myself I don’t care, but the tears in my eyes tell me otherwise.
