Page 171 of Amethyst and Iron
Nyx had been at the third facility tonight and we’d been talking on the phone as we’d brainstormed some improvements and ideas that we wanted to put to Warlow and Crossborn as a whole with a meeting we had planned a few days from now that Nyx would facilitate with his dreamwalking so we didn’t all have to risk convening in person with the current threat out there making that beyond dangerous.
We’d discussed the notion of fast-tracking a fourth facility. Now with everything that was going on, we were both entrenched in that idea more than ever. It was needed. Hybrid beings needed it andPuritasalso needed to see that they couldn’t make us crawl, couldn’t stop progress through fear and savagery.
Lazriel’s gaze dropped to my notebook and phone on the kitchen table. “How did it go with Nyx?”
“We’ve got everything down. I’m going to put an official proposal together over the next couple of days, then we’ll both present it at our next meeting.”
“You want my help with it? I know CRS isn’t my initiative, but I can lend a hand.”
“Actually, yeah, that would be really nice.”
He smiled, then shifted his weight and remembered his original question when he’d first walked in. “So, as I was saying, I was in with Ketheron before Chris—the feeder—showed up and he was talking about us all living together in a frost castle?”
He’d clearly been distracted with everything weighing so heavily on us all that he hadn’t listened to all the details properly, or hadn’t absorbed them well.
“I made a frost sculpture of a castle when I was at Haven Initiative with Cassius one day recently. Ketheron came over and we got to talking about the possibility of maybe all of us living together in a castle—an actual solid castle.”
He grasped the back of the chair opposite me where I’d been nibbling on some cinnamon cookies that Cassius had made when we’d arrived back earlier, and he studied me curiously.
“What?” I asked, flinching under the deep scrutiny that felt like he was trying to reach into my soul or something.
“So you have talked about that sort of stuff then? Our relationship developing? Building a future together.” He shook his head. “Just not to me, Sylas, or Cassius.”
I tensed. “Lazriel—”
“Don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“I recognize the signs better than anyone. And I don’t know how the shit you’re hiding it from Cassius with the Soul Brand in play, but you somehow are.” He accused, “You’re shutting down again, pulling away.” He rolled his eyes. “Not physically, because you’re comfortable with that aspect, especially now you can control your abilities really impressively, especially in that setting and situation.”
This was because I hadn’t responded when he’d told me he loved me that morning.
“My abandonment issues are well known, butyoualso suffer from that. It’s why you’re so possessive. Giving Sylas that Nexus Band. Making me that bracelet. Taking it so painfully during the time when Cassius cut himself off from you beforehand. Then you wearing my hoodie constantly while I was gone. And, by the way, me being gone, I get that would have likely triggeredall this for you, so it’s also on me. But now us being attacked byPuritas.Repeatedly. You and Sylas dying. Morien Morgrave in the picture. Me with my dad and The Shadowed and all the complications that come with that. Sorin and—”
“I know what the complications are!” I burst out with, raising my voice, and even slamming my fist down on the table.
I jolted as a blast of frost spread over the tabletop.Crap.
“Lazriel,” Cassius rumbled, and I swung my head in surprise to see him now standing in the doorway. I’d been so immersed that I hadn’t felt him approach.
“We agreed to keep things light,” Cassius reminded him.
“I know what we agreed to, Cas,” Lazriel snapped. “Easier said than done, though, isn’t it?” He gestured at me. “Especially with this lingering.”
“Allow it breathing room.”
“You mean, allow her breathing room. I can’t.” He squeezed the back of the chair and it cracked in several places. He grunted and jerked back. “I did that before and she—” He looked at me. “You pulled away. You ran, actually. I can’t… I can’t fucking do that again.”
I shot from my seat. “You’re in my fucking veins!” I yelled. “Do you understand that? There is no pulling away! It’s not possible for me! It’s done… the four of us… that’s it for me.” I stormed around the table and shoved my hands into Lazriel’s chest, knocking him back against the wall. “This is my family! You are my family! Something I’ve always wanted! If you think I could or would leave that behind—fuck you!” I shoved harder against him. “Take it back! Take itback!”I screamed, pushing at him.
His chest heaved against my palms, his eyes wide.
“I didn’t say those words back to you because… because look at what’s surrounding us right now! Hell! War! It’s all… wrong. It’swrong!And saying that… those special words… I don’t wantit poisoned. By all this madness! ByPuritas!By that maniacal Halrow! Now Morien!” I shoved him again, but this time his hands came up and gently grasped mine. “That’swhy! Do you hear me?”
In my peripheral vision, I saw Cassius standing steadily and looking on.
He hadn’t intervened and I knew why—he figured I needed to get it all out.
