Page 58 of Amethyst and Iron
“For one, I want to make sure you’re okay.”
“Okay?”
She fiddled with her sleeves again, struggling to look me in the eye. “It was your first time… doing that. I know that your firstexperience with sexual pleasure was with Lazriel when he fed from you, but that night when we actually—”
“That was not my first experience of sexual pleasure.”
She swung her head toward me. “It wasn’t?”
“My first experience was when you were fornicating with Lazriel inThe Fadethat night, when I felt yours through the Soul Brand, and it… affected me so profoundly that I had to… tend to matters… personally… in response.”
She choked and actually stopped walking.
I pulled up short as well and turned to face her. “Have I upset you?”
“I upset you, Cassius.”
“Whatever do you mean?”
“Your first sexual experience was feeling me with somebody else, not even your own experience either. And one tinged with upset that you were on the sidelines, kept from me.”
“Kept from you by my own design, remember? I am the one who denied you my side of the Soul Brand in a ridiculous bid to protect you. And as for that being my first experience of sex, I believe it was much better that way. It eased me into it. As then did my sensual feed with Lazriel. It meant that when it came time for us, I was actually ready for you.” I took her hands in mine. “Be mindful of that guilt again. Guilt that is not yours to take on. You know that I brought that on myself. You also know that there is nothing you could have done. You had no power with that and it’s absolutely my fault. It’s something we’ve since rectified together. So let us not dwell on what has already been healed and bettered, yes?”
A little smile spread over her face. “Ithasbeen bettered, hasn’t it?”
“Oh, very much so. And as for the night we all came together and you took me inside you… it was the most incredible experience of my life, exceeding all that has ever come beforein my many centuries of existence.” I leaned in and whispered at her ear. “And I wish to do it again. In fact, I have been fantasizing about it rather obsessively.”
A little tremble went through her and I felt a great deal more through our Soul Brand.
And then she chuckled.
I eased back to look down at her.
Her eyes were shining, full of mirth.
“It’s so intense, huh?”
I burst out laughing. A full, hearty laugh.
The look on her face. The Soul Brand binding us and the humor she was finding there, rather than just the overwhelming nature of it.
A break through all the intensity surrounding us was just what was needed.
My laughter made her chuckle harder, and she clutched at my shirt for purchase, almost doubling over with it.
When we both finally came down from it, she tightened her hold on my shirt and stretched onto her tiptoes to press her cheek to mine. “You know, you still keep your emotions in check, balled up tight, most of the time. I get that it’s no longer you trying to keep things from me like it was before. It’s just you learning how to navigate them and this new existence as an Immortal, rather than a True Celestial.” She smiled and cupped my face. “But whenever I ask you to talk about something, whenever I engage with you, right away you open all the way to me. And I can feel that fully through our Brand and from you independent of that as well.” She stroked my cheeks. “So, thank you. That’s amazing, Cassius, and I really don’t take it lightly.”
“The Soul Brand offers a safer way and a sort of guiding light to growing closer, which I can tell you actually want. It’s sort of like a protective bubble from which things can grow beyond once you’re more settled with it.”
I saw recognition shine in her beautiful amethyst eyes. “Yes, those were your words to me not long ago. I took them to heart. Because I want to very much be close with you and Lazriel and Sylas.”
“You’re doing an impressive job. Truly, Cassius. We all feel it from you, I promise.” She smiled. “You really don’t need to worry so much about beingemotionally ill-equippedanymore.”
“You are truly remarkable,” I breathed, most definitely overcome.
But then her smile faded, that serious look returning. Her hands dropped from my cheeks.
“What is it?” I asked carefully.
