Page 44 of Christmas at Pine Ridge Inn
“They did,” Lila said softly. “They gave me everything I could have ever wanted.”
“I’m so grateful for that,” Sarah whispered. “All these years, I’ve prayed that whoever raised you was giving you the love and opportunities you deserved.”
“Why did you seal the records?” Lila could finally ask the question that had bothered her for years. “If you loved me, why make it so I couldn’t ever find you?”
Sarah’s face crumpled with fresh tears. “The agency counselor said it would be better for everyone. She said it would be a clean break so I could move on, and you could bond completely with your new family. It seemed logical at the time, but I regretted it almost immediately. By then, it was too late to change it. Five years ago, I did one of those DNA tests. I kept hoping you’d doone and we’d find each other that way. I never imagined we’d meet like this, without knowing who each other were.”
They sat in silence for a moment, both overwhelmed by the magnitude of what had just been revealed. Lila looked at this woman who’d been such a comfort to her all week, who’d understood her grief and loneliness in ways that made perfect sense.
“So, you thought about me sometimes?”
“Oh, honey,” Sarah came to sit by Lila on the bed, taking Lila’s hand in her own. “Of course I did. Every single day for the last thirty-four years. I hoped and prayed you were having a beautiful life, and I tried to find ways to atone for what I did. I became a school counselor because I wanted to help children who were struggling, who felt alone or unwanted. I kept thinking that somewhere out there, my daughter might need someone like that in her life, and maybe if I helped other children, someone would be helping you too.”
The selflessness of it made Lila’s chest tight with emotion. “All these years, you’ve been trying to take care of me indirectly.”
“It was the only way I knew how. I never stopped thinking about you. Wondering who you’d become, what you looked like, if you were happy.” Sarah’s voice was barely a whisper. “When you told us why you were here last night, I could barely breathe. My baby, my daughter, was right here with me. And I already loved you from the time we’d spent together, and I was so afraid you wouldn’t feel the same when I told you the truth.”
“Is that why you hid in your room today? You weren’t sick?”
“I was terrified,” Sarah admitted. “I was afraid that when you found out the truth, you’d hate me for giving you up. For not fighting harder to keep you. For making a choice that changed both our lives forever.”
Lila looked at Sarah’s tear-streaked face, at the fear and love in her brown eyes. She thought about the woman who’d raisedher, who’d always told her that her birth mother must have loved her very much to make such a difficult choice. She thought about Sarah’s career spent caring for other people’s children, about her annual pilgrimages to Pine Ridge, about the grief and loneliness that had shaped thirty-four years of both of their lives.
“I don’t hate you,” Lila said finally. “I could never hate you. What you did—giving me up so I could have a better life—that was love. The purest kind of love.”
Sarah’s sob was audible as she reached for Lila, pulling her into an embrace that felt like coming home. They held each other as thirty-four years of separation melted away, both crying for the lost time and the love that had never really been lost at all.
“I’ve missed you so much,” Sarah whispered against her hair. “Every Christmas, every birthday, every milestone you had that I wasn’t there for.”
Sarah cupped Lila’s face in her hands, studying her features with wonder. “You’re so beautiful, so accomplished, so kind. Your parents did such a wonderful job raising you.”
“They did,” Lila agreed. “But they would have understood this. They always told me that if I ever wanted to find you, they would support me completely.”
“They sound like amazing people.”
“They were. You absolutely chose the perfect parents for me. And now I know where I get some of my traits from too.” Lila managed a watery smile. “I think maybe I have your eyes.”
Sarah nodded. “Passed down from my mother.” She reached up and stroked Lila’s hair like she was seeing it for the first time.
They sat together on the bed, holding hands and looking at the quilt that had brought them together after decades of separation. Outside the window, snow was falling on Pine Ridge, the town where their story had begun and where it was finally, beautifully, continuing.
“What happens now?” Lila asked, her voice small and uncertain despite the joy flooding her heart.
“Now we get to know each other,” Sarah said, squeezing her hands. “We have thirty-four years to catch up on, and if you’re willing, we could even build a future together.”
“I’d like that,” Lila whispered. “I’d like that very much.”
The Christmas miracle Lila had been hoping for had been sitting right beside her all along.
Sixteen
Lila and Sarah promised to talk more in the morning as Sarah retired to her room to rest. Brady was expecting Lila downstairs to watch a movie with the group, and she had to tell someone what had just happened. She’d asked Sarah’s permission to share it with Brady, which she assured Lila she understood.
“You know, I’ve watched that young man grow up from one Christmas to the next. He’s a good one. You can trust him with your heart,” Sarah said, hugging Lila one last time in the hallway.
By the time Lila made her way downstairs, the group had gathered in the lobby around the television. Tom was adjusting the volume while Carol distributed mugs of hot cocoa topped with whipped cream and cinnamon.
“Perfect timing,” Carol said when she saw them. “We’re just startingIt’s a Wonderful Life. It’s become a bit of a Christmas tradition here.”
