Page 44 of Hesi-Dating
"You're a smart woman."
"I know. I've got your back." Despite him being so much bigger than me, at least a hundred pounds heavier and six times stronger, I wanted to be gentle with him. I felt a sense of responsibility to help him learn to care for himself. He needed to learn to trust the right people. Such irony when I couldn't do the same for myself. I was a pro at seeing the self-abuse in others but unable to do jack shit to turn that brilliance back on myself.
"You started something with that kiss." I got the feeling he wished he had his hat on so he could ruffle his hair.
"Don't read into it. I'm saving your ass is all. Everyone here seems to think you're about to go nuclear on your ex. Now they think you're about to fuck your date before the wedding. Not sure which one's worse." Probably shouldn't have kissed him. Okay, I know I shouldn't have. I wanted everything that came after it.
This had to be my body's reaction to being starved for sex. Had I ever gone this long without?
His lips kicked up into that cocky half smile that caused my heart to beat harder. "I knew you wanted me."
"Was that ever in question? It's what comes after lust that I'm not sure I'm ready for."
"Time for me to go do this wedding but…" He lowered his voice so only I could hear, "Don't tease me, Joley. My resistance with all the back-and-forth is failing."
* * *
Seth may have stood to the side during the ceremony, but he was the clear leader. The commander. It was in the settling of his face into austere lines while listening to the words of the pastor. The other groomsmen and even the groom followed his lead both in level of seriousness and behavior.
He caught sight of me when the bride and groom kissed, his expression softening, and he smiled. It was a slow build smile, taking its time to tilt his magnificent mouth upward. Have I ever considered a man's mouth to be magnificent? Those sensuous lips dipped at the top and curved on the bottom. I remembered how those lips felt on mine, demanding and consuming.
My mind waged war between desire for him and knowledge I needed to break it off. A clean break was best. No more favors. No more things like this where I had to stare at him looking so freaking amazing in a suit while feeling mushy from the romantic environment of a wedding.
I couldn't cut him off. He'd owe me after this. I might have a future doozy of a need for his unique help next week.
I checked my phone while the wedding party disappeared to get pictures after the ceremony. Bruno had sent me a message an hour ago.
Bruno
Amber just told me you're at a wedding…with him. Seriously?
Then, ten minutes later…
Bruno
Joley, dammit. Stop it with this guy. Do whatever you need to walk away and stay away. Tell me where you are, and I'll pick you up.
After that, I had a message from Amber.
Amber
Be careful. Call me if you need a ride home. I'm headed into work to check on some patients, but I'll be done in an hour or so.
Seth and I found ourselves seated for the reception dinner at a table with two other groomsmen who were absorbed by their own dates and ignored us. Over the next two hours of dinner, Seth and I talked so much that our food got cold. I listened raptly to his opinions, noting the way he cared for all the people in his department, even the canines who sniffed out drugs, and the way he worked meticulously through cases. The entire time conversation between us ebbed and flowed from one topic to the next. Not once did he get hung up on whatever his ex might or might not be doing. Our conversation moved from movies to music to books. We didn't agree on our favorites, but disagreeing was almost as satisfying as sharing an interest. For the first time my secret love of country music paid off and I could admit to someone I liked the Zac Brown Band and Carrie Underwood. And he liked them too. We even discovered we'd both been to the same Zac Brown Band concert last year.
"Went with my dad right after he got diagnosed with cancer." The pain on his face made me swallow at the burn in my throat.
"When did you lose him?" I asked.
"A few weeks later."
"You miss him."
"I'll think I'm fine. That I'm over it and then the next minute I want to call him and…"
"You can't. We've all lost people. I had a foster brother who got shot protecting Amber from a shooter at a convenience store. Wrong place at the wrong time. He was such a kind soul. I used to fight memories of him because it hurt to remember, but not anymore. It's his way of being with me when I need him." I buried my insecurity over a philosophical moment by taking a sip of wine. Just thinking about Jamal, whom we'd all loved, conjured up his brother, Nosh. I took a gulp of wine and glanced around, wondering who, if anyone, might be under his control.
"I miss my dad. I'm living out at his place, which I never had the heart to sell. It's too pretty and wild overlooking a canyon."
