Page 51 of Hesi-Dating
The sound of our mutual heavy breathing rested between us.
I didn't know if I could ever move again. Didn't know if wanted to. I don't think I'd ever come so hard.
I blinked open my eyelids to find her staring at me. Was there judgment in there? Did she feel this—whatever it was—too? Was this as good for her?
"I'm thinking I could become addicted to you," she said. "Are you up for round two?"
ChapterEighteen
JOLEY
The first thing I realized when I jolted awake around 4 a.m. was that Seth was wrapped around me. The second thing I realized was I liked our legs tangled and his arm around my waist pulling my back into his front.
This wasn't me. I didn't do constrictive sleeping arrangements. I considered my side of the bed and my several feet of space sacred. I also didn't do sleepovers. Technically, this wasn't a sleepover but more of a passing out after so much pleasure.
The feels he brought on had been a lot.
Time to run and run hard.Finally,like an old friend, those familiar fears when faced with commitment and feels had decided to show up. This time, though, there was more in the decision to run than me having a panic attack about relationship exclusivity. Perhaps, there was a hefty slice of that too. If I didn't leave now, bad things would happen to both of us. This went way beyond me fucking up a relationship with insecurity or commitment freak out.
A few wiggles got my arm free of his limbs. With a bit too much force, I pulled backward. As if on cue, he shifted and let go. I flew off the edge of the bed to land with a thud on the floor.
I popped up to my knees to peek over the edge of the mattress. Holding my breath, I watched in frozen silence for endless moments. His deep breaths continued. I crawled around the floor to snag my clothes and shoes before scooting to the half bathroom near the front door.
Once dressed, with reluctance I got my mini purse off the entryway table and viewed my phone. Thirty-three messages from my siblings. Marino and Bruno used every manner of yelling at me including voice messaging. Not Amber.
Amber
Nosh phoned. He's going to be here at 7 a.m. Call me. I don't care what time. I'll pick you up.
My recent call log showed one call from Nosh. No message.
Black spots swam in my vision. I gripped the doorframe of the bathroom when my legs felt like they'd give out. There was only one reason he'd come to our house. A threat. A reminder.
This was bad.
I didn't want to see him. A phone call from him put me into a spin. In person, he was difficult for me to handle.
I messaged Amber I was ready for a pickup and dropped a pin with my location.
I slid down the wall until I sat on the floor. For endless minutes I stayed there, frozen. A million thoughts ran through my head as I worked through how to handle Nosh. When I glanced back at my phone it’d been almost forty minutes. I tracked Amber’s phone to see she was almost here.
What did I do about Seth? Did I leave a note or a text? Did I make a clean break? It hurt deep in my chest to think about not seeing him again.
The bedroom door clicked open. I jumped.
I scrutinized the shadows fully expecting Seth's large frame to darken the doorway. What could I possibly say to rationalize me bolting? How humiliating to be caught running from him after everything. Again, these were not normal thoughts for me. Usually, I didn't give two shits about the complications of leaving. But I also didn't give everything of myself to my partner like I had to Seth.
I couldn't handle a good-bye. If I saw him now and he turned that penetrating gaze on me, I'd be lost. I'd have to reassure him it was me and not him. Then, I wouldn't leave. I didn't want to see how much I'd hurt him.
Henry padded out of the bedroom and headed my way in his shuffling hound gait. With a melodramatic sigh he sat at my feet.
The dog farted an indelicate sound for a solid two to three seconds.
I fanned the air in front of my nose. "Seriously, buddy?"
I put a hand on his head and whispered, "Take care of him for me, okay?"
His big eyes stared up at me as if he understood.
