Page 27 of Hesi-Dating
"It helped a lot. You going out with me and forcing me into it that night helped."
My resistance to avoid touching him waned. I wanted his strong arms to wrap me. The strength and safety he offered was real. But if Nosh got wind of me caving and getting involved with him, if Seth got murdered because of me…
I couldn't.
"You shouldn't have paid for my tire to be repaired." I touched his forearm. Because I was weak. I wanted to get close to the strength which vibrated through his muscles. The illicit touch sent chills up my own arm.
"I wanted to," he whispered.
My voice barely came out, "I've got to go. Got class tonight."
His fingers caught my chin to force eye contact. "Why are you running so hard from this? You don't seem like a girl who runs from what she's afraid of. Are you afraid of taking a chance with me?"
"You want more than I can give you." I tried to plead he let me go with my eyes. All he gave back was stubbornness.
"You're running from theeverything-else." He pulled me into a hug and whispered, "Thank you for being here. Means a lot."
He leaned in and kissed behind my ear, which shot chills down my neck. "I dream about you wearing only the heels."
I gasped.
He shifted to pull me into him so I could feel how aroused he was. He laid two more kisses on my neck. "Let me take care of you."
This was what Seth offered. That's what made him more attractive than anyone I'd ever dated. He would care for me. He might be the only person who could protect me.
Dangerous thoughts.
No one could protect themselves against the insidious reach of Nosh.
"Stop," I pleaded hoarsely.
"I think you want me to be naughty." He unwrapped his arms to let me go and didn't touch me with his hands. He pressed another kiss onto my neck.
"Maybe I do, but it's complicated." I willed my body to take a step away from him and his devilish mouth. I silently pleaded he not go in for the earlobe, which would be a breaking point for me. That and nipple play have always been my downfall.
"Are you seeing someone else?" he asked.
"No. I've never gone this long without having multiple dates."
He did it. He went for the ear lobe, taking it between his lips and nibbling.
I sucked in a sharp breath. Desire lightninged through me, but I made a desperate grasp for the few shreds of sanity remaining by remembering Nosh's threats.
"You dream of me too, don't you?" he whispered.
"I need for us to not do this. Not to talk about fantasies." Had I ever wanted a man this much? I'd never denied myself someone for so long when I wanted him. I had a track record that started in my teens of being a yes girl. Sure, I'd gotten a reputation for being easy. I also knew I didn't do it out of enjoyment of sex, although I appreciated a man who knew what he was doing. My recent deep dive into reading about PTSD suggested constant sex was my way to achieve control. I could take sex when I wanted it, how I wanted it, and not form attachment. It wasn't healthy.
Then there was Seth. The emotions rocking my mind scared the hell out of me.
"You're the one I want in my bed, not some random woman," he whispered.
I stepped backward. "I do dream of you. But I can't do this. This still isn't about you. It's me. I'm a mess. I have to sort myself."
"All right."
Crap, he looked so hurt. I was the master of the breakup. One night, two days, usually no more and I could break up without an ounce of regret but this man…
I jumped forward and hugged him. His arms wrapped me in a dangerous wealth of warmth, security, and strength.Thistempted me to give into even more than his kisses. "I'm not good enough for you, Seth. You need to find someone better. Someone whole who can help repair you. There are so many worthy and better someones out there."
