Page 79 of Charlie and Her Sweet Escape
“It is to me.” I scooted closer, until not even a breath of space remained between our sides.
“If I hadn’t made our last backpacking trip miserable, maybe…”he would have stayed.
He didn’t have to say it for me to know he was thinking it. I couldn’t hold young Bennett’s hand, but I could do it now. I lifted our clasped hands to my mouth and pressed a firm kiss to the back of his hand. I wished I knew the perfect thing to say, but at least, I understood how he felt. “Maybe if I’d been the kind of woman Greg wanted, he would have fought for me.”
Bennett’s hand gripped mine tighter. “It is not your fault he couldn’t see the amazing gift he had in front of him.”
“And it’s not your fault your dad couldn’t see it either.” I watched a muscle in his cheek work—tighten, then release with emotion. If I expected him to believe it, maybe I should believe it too.
“There are a lot of things I’d forgotten about my dad. Memories that are coming back, being out here. In my mind, I had two versions of my dad, like he was two completely different people before and after he left. But I think I selectively forgot the bad things. He had a way of reeling me in with the promise of love, but it was always full of conditions I couldn’t meet and standards I didn’t reach.”
I leaned my head onto his arm and listened to his broken breathing as he tried to wrangle his emotion.
“Even knowing that, there’s a part of me that still has a hard time letting go.”
“The part of you that’s still waiting for him to come take you to Denali?” I said quietly. “You also deserved better, Ben.”
He let out an emotionally weighted breath. His grip on my hand slowly relaxed, and he brought it to his mouth, kissing the back of my hand before playfully rubbing his whiskers against it. “If you could only see one color for the rest of your life, what would it be?”
I wanted to keep pressing, make sure he really believed me, but how could I when I was still trying to believe him? We both had a ways to go in the trust department—especially when it came to trusting ourselves. I tucked his arm under my neck and rested my head on his shoulder, needing to be close at least. He pulled me into him and kissed the top of my head.
We talked long into the night as the storm raged around us, jumping topics like raindrops falling on leaves. We went from random to serious within a blink, and I laughed like I couldn’t remember laughing in a long time.
At one point, as I was drifting off, Bennett pulled the sleeping bag over top of us like a blanket, and I snuggled deeper into his side. It was perfect. I should have been doing this from the beginning. Sleep came quickly for the first time since we’d come out here.
In my dreams, Bennett kissed my temple and whispered, “How am I ever going to let you go?”
32
CHARLIE
Watching Bennett work was my new favorite hobby. Watching him work without a shirt? Let’s just say it was a good thing I didn’t have any of my journals with me, because I’d be tempted to go back to my drawing phase, and no one wanted that.
Well,Bennettwould probably love it, but only because I think one ofhisfavorite hobbies was teasing me. His arms glistened with dew and sweat, and I could only imagine how many new fans he’d have after this episode aired.
“Do you want to try?” Bennett looked up from where he was scraping the sides of a log so we could make a bear stand to keep bears away from any food we might get and store. Now that fall had arrived, along with lower temperatures, we had to look ahead if we were going to stay out here.
“Try scraping a log down?” I asked. “Aren’t you almost done?”
“With this one. I’ll let you finish it, and then we’ll go find another.”
I hesitated. I wanted to try it, but what if I messed it up or got it wrong?
Then Bennett will show you how to do it again, and it’ll be okay.
Which was… exactly right. I wouldn’t be belittled or blamed in front of the cameras. We’d just try it again. Even if I somehow wrecked the entire log, Bennett would chalk it up to inexperience and not hold it against me.
With a baby shoot of confidence, I stood, excited to try. “What do I do?”
“Take the ax and slide it down the length of the log away from you.”
“Like this?” I did a short jab, and the ax stuck into the meat of the log. “Shoot. Not like this, I assume.”
He chuckled, and then his arms went around me from behind. I shivered as he enfolded me in his embrace, one hand over the top of each of mine. “Like this.” He guided me to scrape the ax blade across the surface, but at an angle. It was satisfying to watch the bark peel off, leaving behind a smooth core.
He ran his nose along my cheek, his warm breath wreaking havoc on my pulse. He playfully nipped my earlobe with his teeth. “Got this?”
“Mhmm,” I said, my voice high pitched and strained.
