Page 80 of A Summer Mismatch
Her heart pinged at the thought of going to Orlando. She’d be so close to Logan, and yet, she felt farther apart from him than ever. Tomorrow, if they kept to their schedule, she’d take Cameron to the wildlife center. She didn’t think she was ready to attempt polite, distant conversation with Logan.
She caught both of her grandparents watching her closely and realized she was frowning. She forced a smile and rushed Cameron out the door.
The drive to the cardiologist’s office was uneventful, and they only had to wait in the reception area for a few minutes before they were called back. A nurse came in and took his temperature and listened to his heart, and then they did an EKG and an echocardiogram. Her mom had warned her it would be a day of testing; they liked to batch their tests together since it was an almost forty-five minute drive to the doctor’s office.
Cameron played a game on her phone while they waited for the doctor to come in and share the results. Julia had never taken Cameron to an appointment like this before, but she knew her mom regularly took him. Other than this appointment, her mom had rescheduled all of them for when she got home, but he saw doctors for his stomach, his lungs, his bones, his skin, his general health, his sleep apnea, and his heart. Not to mention the dentist, ophthalmologist, and audiologist and ENT, and she was sure there were even more doctors she was unaware of. Cameron took all the tests in stride, perhaps used to them, but they made Julia nervous.
Finally the doctor walked into the room. “I’m Dr. Khatri. Your mom messaged us to say you’d be coming in today.”
“Yes, they’re out of the country.” She wiped her hands on her shorts.
“Well, I hope they are having a wonderful time.” Dr. Khatri smiled and sat on the stool in front of Cameron. She listened to his heart again and felt his pulse at his wrist and then at his ankle.
“Cameron’s bloodwork showed some evidence of pulmonary hypertension, so we were testing to see how serious it is. The good news is that it’s mild at this point. We will need to see Cameron back in a year, sooner if you see anything like his nails turning bluish or his oxygen sats dropping.”
“What does pulmonary hypertension mean?”
“In simple terms, it means he’s not getting enough oxygen to his heart.”
Julia’s stomach dropped. She might not have a depth of medical knowledge, but she did know that oxygen was essential.
“So what do we do in the meantime to help?”
“Just keep encouraging him to wear his CPAP at night,” she said. She turned to Cameron. “I know it’s hard, and you don’t like how it feels and sounds, but the CPAP will make you feel so much better.”
“Finished,” Cameron said through his talker. “Finished.” He pressed it another three times, pursing his lips stubbornly.
“Yeah, yeah. I know you don’t want to hear it.” She laughed, and Julia wondered how she could laugh right now. Something in Julia’s expression must have indicated to Dr. Khatri that she was freaking out, and the doctor frowned sympathetically. “Your mom didn’t tell you what today’s appointment was about?”
Julia shook her head. “She had so much on her mind before the trip, I’m sure she forgot.”
“We’re not at the point where we’re really worried yet. We’re going to keep an eye on this, and Cameron is going to keep getting better and better at wearing his CPAP mask,” she said pointedly, but still kindly, to him and was rewarded with another “finished.”
“Please have your mom call me with any questions. It was lovely to meet you.” With that, she left, her words still swirling around in Julia’s mind.
They left the doctor’s appointment and stopped at the pharmacy for a refill and an ice cream cone, but Julia ended up throwing most of hers away, her stomach in knots. She knew Cameron was sick a lot, that his body didn’t always function the way it should. She’d been giving him medicine, and had talked to her mom on the phone dozens of times while they drove to doctor’s appointments. Julia had sat in hospital waiting rooms while Cameron had surgery and brought him soup and movies while he was home recovering.
But for some reason, it had never really hit her how unwell he really was. He was just Cameron. Cameron, who loved watching movies and was a huge tease and adored plain vanilla ice cream and somehow always knew when someone needed a hug or a smile.
Her mom video-called as they walked into Julia’s apartment, and Julia felt like collapsing under the weight of it all. Grandma and Grandpa. Cameron. Logan. And she started crying.
“What’s wrong?” Mom asked. Dad’s head popped over her shoulder with a frown. Cameron had gone straight into the bathroom to shower after his appointment, so she took the phone to her room to talk.
“Everything,” she replied, then laughed, knowing how dramatic that had sounded. “Okay, not everything.”
“Was it Cameron’s appointment?” Her mom looked scared.
“The doctor said he has pulmonary hypertension.”
“Yes, I know. Has it gotten worse?”
“No. I just didn’t realize, I guess. It’s a lot to absorb.” And with that, she spilled everything to her parents. Grandpa and Smitty. Her boss adding all these additional responsibilities. Grandma collapsing. Logan seeing her kiss Timothy, and the look on his face when he did. And then a reckoning with Cameron’s sickness on top of it all. By the time she finished speaking, she wanted to collapse into bed and never get up again.
“That’s a lot,” her mom said, nodding, her own eyes glistening. “It can be a lot. Life. But I’ve found when the future looks like too much to handle, I just take it one day at a time. And if one day seems like too much, then just one minute.”
“But how do I just take one minute at a time?” She sniffed and wiped her nose with a tissue. “How do I not focus on the future?”
“Don’t let the unknown future steal your emotional energy from the now, because sometimes the now is all we have,” her mom said. “I know that sounds like a quote from one of those self-help books your grandma loves, but it’s true. I’ll bet you haven’t eaten dinner yet, am I right?”
