Page 69 of A Little Bit Reckless
And all she had to be was herself.
It was like howcouldn’tI watch her, protect her? Something that pure needed to be protected. It was delicate, beautiful.
“I was watching you,” I said, my fingers on her shoulder now. Her soft fucking skin. Her soft,perfectfucking skin, and she trembled. I squeezed. “I was watching you, Bow. I was watching you, and I took my eyes off the water.”
I still remembered that day. It was so fucking vivid. Bow and her little friends were talking. They were having a good time, laughing.
Until they weren’t.
“You took your eyes off the water because of me,” she said, shaking, and I let her believe that. I did because I was weak and so fucking selfish. A little lie let me not face reality. It let me drown in denial and not see the fucking truth.Mytruth. She bit her lip. “You thought I was drowning, and you tried to save me.”
I had thought she’d been drowning. I’d beenterrified, and that was on me too. I’d just been so distracted. I’d just been…
“Wells?”
“I’d been watching you, Bow.” My voice was so raw, stripped. I closed my eyes. “I’m always watching you.”
This was an understatement. I saw her everywhere,even in my dreams. I sawherdrowning sometimes, and I felt like an asshole. I was relieved each and every time I woke up and that wasn’t the case. I was relieved that someone else had died that summer.
Because that person wasn’t her.
I was aware those thoughts, at best, made me a terrible person. I mean, what kind of person did that? Thought like that…
“You watch me?” Bow brought me out of my dark thoughts. She looked so little in front of me, so small and petite. When we were kids, she was just Thatch’s little sis. She was the pipsqueak that got in our business and chased us around. Now, she was a woman in a pool with a glow still around her. A woman with flushed skin and a mouth I’d tasted. She blinked. “Wells, I don’t understand.”
She wouldn’t, would she? I was so good at bullshit,lying.The only person I lied to more than her was myself.
“I watch you, Bow,” I said into the humid air. The pool wasn’t in operation tonight due to Dorian’s gala. His parents shut this whole hotel down and the only light in the room was from the pool itself. Even still, I found Bow,the lightfound her. Her skin… I swallowed. “I was looking at you before I thought you were drowning.I was looking at you, and I wasn’t paying any fucking attention to the pool.”
I let someone drown because I was watching my best friend’s little sister. I told myself for a long time that was my responsibility. I was looking out for her, but only for Thatcher.
“Wells—”
“Don’t you get it!” I was angry now, but not at her. Bracing her arms, I brought Bow close to me, and her eyes widened in surprise and maybe even a little fear. I used to get off onintimidating her. It made me feel better about myself. If I could control her, she wasn’t controlling me.
I cringed. “I was watching you so fucking hard that I wasn’t watching anyone else. I was watching mybest friend’s little sisterbecause I’m sick. Because I’m an asshole and because I…”
I couldn’t pull the words out. If I did, I’d have to hear them. I would have to admit to myself what I was actually doing that day at the pool. I wasn’t watching Rainbow Reed because I was worried she’d get herself into trouble.
I was watching her because I couldn’tnotwatch her.
“Because I love you,” I whispered, and a burst of air left Bow’s lips. It brushed my chest, and when I brought her closer, I could taste her. Her wonderful fucking scent engulfed my senses and how good she fucking tasted, felt. I cringed again. “I love you because you’re good and you’re kind and you’re so much better than me.”
She was. She’d never let her parents down and squander their money. She’d never even kill a fucking roach. Bow didn’t have a selfish bone in her bodyand thatwas why I loved her.
It was why I always had.
I was shaking, way more than she was. Her fists curled. “You love me?”
Hearing her say the words hit something hard inside me. It made my reality real and showed what an asshole I truly was. I was the guy who fell in love with my buddy’s sister.I liedfor years and also had someone’s death on my hands because of it. Becauseof my obsessionwith her and her goodness.
I squeezed her arms. “I’m the reason someone drowned all those years ago. I’m the reasona girl diedbecause I was obsessed with my best friend’s sister like an asshole.”
I was a terrible person, and I had no right to love anyone, least of all her.
The same went for Bru.
He asked me time and time again why I was resisting. He asked me why I couldn’t let go and just be with him. And her.
