Page 65 of A Little Bit Reckless
If only I could escape myself.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-FOUR
Bow
I felt nauseous.
In fact, I’d felt this way for weeks.
Anytime I even thought about approaching Wells (or Bru) about what happened between all three of us, it brought on violent illness. I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. I’d eventhrown upa time or two, and could barely eat.
I hugged my knees, staring at the pool in the Vesperton. I was the only one here because everyone was at Dorian’s party.
I laid my head on my knees. Tears burned at my eyes just thinking about Wells’s reaction to what I said. I thought the answer to my illness, my sickness, was just to put myself out there. I wanted to be brave and just go for what I wanted for once. I did miss Wells, but not just his friendship. I wantedhim, my old best friend. I wanted Bruno too, and even though that was confusing, it’d just feltright, all three of us.
“What do you want from me?”
Wells let me know he didn’t want me, and what was worse was that Bru had seen the rejection too. I was completely mortified when he’d come over. He automatically tried to bethere for me and that almost made things worse. I felt so pathetic.
Sniffling, I wiped my eyes before the tears could fall. Before I knew it, I did something crazy.
I took off my dress, shoes, and gloves.
I still had my bra and underwear on, but I wasn’t thinking at all as I exposed them. If I was thinking, I’d go back to Dorian’s party and pretend I never talked to Wells. I never told him I missed him and begged him for his forgiveness. I hadn’t soundedpathetic.
The water hit me in a rush. This was totally crazy, but I didn’t care.
I didn’t care.
I felt like Iactuallywanted to drown when I sank down. The pain hit me like an avalanche, but I waved my arms to keep me afloat.
“You see what he does to you? How he hurts you.”
A deep voice was in my head. I blocked his number, but he kept getting ways around it. The voice had made me feel special for a time, how much he cared…
I stopped waving my arms. I just fell, and I glanced up at the ceiling. I could see the light from the pool room beneath the water. It was blurry, but I could see it.
“He doesn’t care about you. None of them do. If they did, they wouldn’t have let him hurt you. I care, Bow. You’re so beautiful.”
It was funny. I felt beautiful when those words were first spoken to me. They were beautiful when they were just words.
They were beautiful until he touched me.
Starting to choke, I waved my arms. I used my legs to kick, and soon, I was above the water. My lungs gasping for air, I let them take it in. I breathed.
I closed my eyes, my hair around me as I started to swim. I was a good swimmer actually, and used to love swimming. I loved it until I didn’t.
I glided through the water, not caring about my makeup or my hair. I didn’t care about what people would ask me once I got out of the pool. I didn’t care about anything, and that was so unlike me.
I was doing a lot of things that weren’t like me recently. The latest was trying to get Wells to forgive me, even though he shouldn’t.
I wanted to drown again. I felt like that day I had on the balcony at the party. I’d wanted to fall, but Wells hadn’t let me.
Theyhadn’t let me.
Bru had saved me too that night, even though I hadn’t wanted to be. I’d wanted to drown, just like I did now. My humiliation because of Wells’s rejection and Bru watching it was too much. I didn’t want Bru to be there for me out of pity.
