Page 86 of A Little Bit Reckless
Neither of them had. Rainbow Reed had broken me downfor yearsbefore Bru came in and swept me over the edge. I fully believe he was the reason I finally allowed myself to go there.To have herand him.
To be… happy.
“This is serious,” Thatcher said, and Bru and I cut away from each other. We didn’t let go, but we did face Thatcher. Thatcher’s head tilted. “Hindsight really is crazy. It really does make sense with you guys.” He rubbed his hands. “I just didn’t know my sister was a part of it.”
Ididn’t even know his sister was a part of it. Bow Reed snuck up on me and made me admit something to myself. Both Bru and her had.
“I really tried to fight it, Thatch. With Bru and especially with Bow,” I said, and Thatcher glanced away. I released a breath. “I did, Thatcher. I did for so fucking long. You’re my brother, man, and you know I’d never want to hurt you. Not on purpose, I…”
I stopped. I closed my fucking mouth, but not because I had to.
It was because I wanted to.
I wanted this, a relationship with Bruandhis sister, and I was tired of the shame surrounding it. The fear and self-loathing I had…
“Forgive yourself.”
Bow’s beautiful voice was in my head, her kind voice. She really was so much better than me, and even though I may not deserve her or Bruno’s love, I needed it. I craved it. It healed me and made me better, stronger.
I bet Bru had to fight through his teeth to keep Bow from coming down here. She was a spitfire, and I would never forget what she just did upstairs. She stood in front of Bru and me, likeshe could actually keep her brother away from us, but she was going to try, and that was why I loved her. She was selfless, so good.
She was perfect.
“You know what? I’m not fucking sorry,” I said, and I stood. I was pumped full of adrenaline. I pointed upstairs. “I love your sister, man. I do, and I think I have for a really long fucking time.”
I’d been in love with Bow Reed before I knew what love was. It hit me like a bus, and that was why I’d been watching her that day at the pool.
I always had.
That love caused me to make mistakes, but that wasn’t her fault. What happened to that girl at the pool had been an accident. It was.
“Forgive yourself.”
Her love did make me stronger. It made me see things differently, and now, I was telling my best friend the truth. He was a best friend I did love like a brother, and, though I needed him in my life, I needed her too.
“So I can’t be sorry about that,” I said, and felt Bru squeeze my hand. He was still sitting on the arm of the chair, and I glanced down only to see him smile at me. He was giving me support right now, and I squeezed his hand right back. I faced Thatcher. “Now, if you want to kick my ass because of that, I’d understand. But I’m not going to deny how I feel. It will kill me to deny it. It has been.For years.”
I’d been dying a slow death since I pushed Bow out of my life. It’d been a life of fuck buddies and one-night stands, but, no matter how much I fucked my way through campus (and high school), I felt nothing. I felt hollow with every conquest.
Because they weren’t her.
I hadn’t even touched Bow and had more love for her than I’d felt for anyone I fucked in the past. That physical love had been temporary, a high. It was an itch I couldn’t scratch no matter how many people I had in the sheets. It wasn’t until Bru came along that I started to feel something again. Being with him reminded me of what truly being with someone you cared about could feel like. I got drunk off the feeling, and when we were finally with Bow, everything felt complete. It was like she was the missing piece in my life.
She was the missing piece.
Bru and I had fucked so many people together, as well as each other, but it wasn’t the same without Bow. We loved her.
I may not be worthy of either one of them, but I was going to have them. That may have made me a selfish prick, but I didn’t care.
Beside me, Bru stood. He continued to hold my hand, stand with me in front of our best friend. Thatcher didn’t say anything, just watching us.
“I just might kick your ass,” he said, and my stomach dropped. I was prepared for this, to lose him as my buddy, my brother but… His lips went tight. “Because it honestly took you a hell of a long time to fucking admit it.”
My mouth parted, and Bru’s eyebrows jumped. We both looked at each other before Thatcher rose from the couch.
“I had a feeling you were into my sister, Wells,” he said, and I blinked. Thatcher’s head tilted. “You’re my brother, man. I’ve known you for a long time.”
Yeah, but how did he know when I didn’t even know? I denied that shit for years. I rubbed my neck. “How did you know?”
