Page 82 of Broken on the Mountain
"Lily and I… we're complicated."
"Really, you don't have to—"
"No, it's okay." He draws a breath, reaching for my hand and squeezing it. "I want to tell you. I'll tell you anything, Piper. Truly."
I nod, unable to form words.
"Lily was sixteen when Mom moved to Germany. Like I told you, I was eighteen, fresh out of high school, and I stayed behind because I convinced myself I was being mature."
The pain in his voice makes my chest ache.
"But the truth is, Lily begged me to come." His voice goes rough. "She called me crying the night after they left, saying she didn't want to go without me. That she was scared. And I told her it would be fine. That she'd love Germany and her new life. I told her that…"
He picks up the gummy bear again, rolling it between his fingers.
"That what, Chase?"
He swallows hard and shakes his head. "That I'd visit her."
Chase's voice cracks, and a single tear slides down his cheek.
My stomach drops like I've been punched.
Oh God. What have I done?
I just lied to him. Promised I'd be at that dance when I know damn well I'll be in Chicago, wearing a stupid dress while standing beside Maxwell Pemberton while Mother parades me around like a trophy.
I'm going to abandon him.
Just like everyone else.
"Chase…"
"I never did though, Piper. Couldn't afford it. And then I enlisted, washed out, spent two years drifting. By the time I landed here and got my shit together, Lily had… moved on. She has this whole life now. German boyfriend, university friends, a career in marketing. She sends the gummy bears because she feels guilty. Because she knows she left me behind just like Mom did."
"She was sixteen," I say softly. "She didn't have a choice."
"I know." He finally eats the gummy bear. "But it doesn't change the fact that I failed her. I was supposed to be her big brother, and I let her go."
The rawness in his confession splits something open inside me.
This man—this beautiful, kind, generous man—carries so much guilt for things that were never his fault. His mother's choices. His sister's circumstances. The Army discharge that had nothing to do with his worth as a person.
And here I am, lying to his face about next weekend.
Tell him. Tell him right now.
But the words won't come.
Because if I tell him, I'll see that look again. The one that sayseveryone I love eventually chooses something else.
And I can't do that to him.
I shift closer, resting my head on his shoulder. "You didn't fail her, Chase. You were a kid trying to survive."
His arm comes around me. "Sometimes I wonder if I should've gone. If things would be different."
"You can't live in the what-ifs." I press a kiss to his neck. "You're here now. You're building something real. That matters."
