Page 41 of Ruin
Summoning up my courage, I turn the subject back to what happened earlier, which seems safer. “Why did you come in here, after telling me you needed time to process what I’d asked for?”
His eyes flare slightly. “I heard the vibrator through the wall. Turns out, they used rather flimsy material during the renovations when I had this place redesigned,” he says with a slight smirk.
“Ah,” I reply, feeling my cheeks grow warm again.
“You really need to work out how to talk about sex without growing embarrassed if you want to explore your limits,” he replies, the smirk growing.
I narrow my eyes as I look at him. “Hey, give me a break. It’s only been like two hours since I spoke to Annika about all of this.” I hesitate before continuing. “Does this mean you’ll help me?”
He sighs, gripping the back of his neck while he looks to the ceiling for a few moments. “I don’t know if this is such a good idea, Lily. Things between us…”
I wait for him to continue, but he doesn’t seem to know how to finish that sentence. If I was a better person, I’d let him off the hook. But for once, I’m going to be selfish.
“Things between uswhat, Sebastian?”
He pulls his gaze back down from the ceiling. “I don’t know if I can give you what you want, Lily.”
Sensing he’s not referring to my request to help learn what I like, I tighten my grip on the hand at his side once more.
“What is it you think I want? Because all I asked for was for you to do what you have done for others in the past.”
That jaw muscle flutters again as he holds my gaze. “Do you truly believe that, Lily? Because I know how you feel about me. And I don’t think I am capable of being the man you believe I am.”
Taking a deep breath, I force myself to be honest with him about my feelings for the first time since I met him. “I will admit that things between us have always been complicated. I know you only saw me as Daniel’s innocent little friend who you needed to protect from the big bad world.” His expression shifts for a fraction of a second, so quickly that I assume I just imagined the disbelief I’d seen there. So I force myself tocontinue to be vulnerable. “Yes, I had feelings for you. And yes, those feelings may still exist. But I’ve just come out of a really shitty marriage. A conventional relationship is the last thing I want or need right now.”
He studies me with a dubious expression before replying. “I won’t be responsible for corrupting you, Lily. I would ruin you.”
“Do you truly believe that what you do is corrupting people? Because before you were waxing lyrical about how women rarely get to experience sex like men do and how it’s such a crime.”
I can tell my words have an impact when he pauses, his expression thoughtful.
Emboldened, I sit up abruptly, sliding my leg over him and straddling his lap, forcing him to move backwards slightly on the mattress. His hands fall to my hips, even while he stares at me with wide eyes, and I link my hands behind his neck. “What if I want you to fuck me like you fucked Imogen last night?” His sharp inhale urges me to keep talking. “What if I want to be there the next time you fuck Cam?” I circle my hips a little, feeling his cock harden, right beneath my clit. “What if I want you to tell me to go down on Annika?” I grind down, watching the muscle in his jaw flutter. “What if I want all of that?” I bring my lips to his ear as I rock my hips, knowing his resolve is crumbling as his hands grip my hips. “What if I want you to ruin me, Sebastian DeLuca?”
His growl in reply is all I need to know I’ve won.
He turns his head abruptly, one hand moving upwards at lightening speed to grip the back of my head to hold me still as his mouth claims mine once more.
I continue to rock against him as he wraps my hair around his fist again. A moment later, the hand still on my hip clamps down, forcing me to stop moving.
Pulling away, he fixes me with a steelygaze filled with determination. “If we’re going to do this, Lily St Clair, you will follow my rules.” He continues to hold me captive with those penetrating blue eyes, his grip on my hair tightening. “When we are together, I control when and how you come. You will understand that we cannot blur the lines between the physical or the emotional.” He pauses, his eyes hardening, and I nod once I realise he’s waiting for me to acknowledge his words. “You will understand that I won’t stop fucking other people. And I won’t expect you to be loyal to only me. If you want to fuck other people, you can fuck other people. I don’t do monogamy. There is no place for it in my world.”
I’m sure he expected those words to be a deal breaker for me, but instead, it just excites me.
The idea that I can seek out others without a trace of guilt?
Yeah, that’s pretty fucking hot.
His eyebrows lift slightly when I nod again. “I’m serious, Lily.”
“I know you are. And I agree to your terms.”
He studies me a little longer. Most likely trying to work out if I’m being truly honest with him. And myself.
With a boldness I never knew I was capable of, I lift his hand from my hip, sliding it over until his hand cups my pussy through my lace underwear. “Feel how wet I am right now.” His gaze flares again, and he slips his finger beneath fabric, swiping it through my pussy where I’m ridiculously wet. “Some of that is from my workout with the vibrator, but the rest of it? You did that, when you said I could sleep with other people. I wasn’t lying. When I saw you all last night, I came back here and touched myself. It wasn’t just you I wanted. I wanted you all. Except maybe Cam, because I’ve never met him,” I add, and Sebastian chuckles as he slides that finger inside me, and I groan.
“You’d like to experiment with Imogen, and Annika, too,then?” he asks as he moves his hand slowly back and forth, pushing his finger in further each time.
My breath hitches as I nod, needing him to move his hand faster.
