Page 37 of Ruin
Even if I didn’t know him so well, I’d know he was lying. His tone has shifted, and although he’s brought his gaze back down from the ceiling, he seems unable to look me right in the eye.
“Please don’t insult me by continuing to lie about that, Sebastian. It’s more than obvious that you can’t handle being around me when we’re alone.”
“Because I don’t know what to say to you! I don’t know how to act around you! Not after that night!” he bursts out, his eyes blazing. “It’s been eight years, Lily. Things are different now.”
My breath hitches as I search his face. Neither of us has mentioned that night in the weeks we’ve been back in each others lives. Like we’re both trying to pretend it didn’t happen. That our friendship didn’t end because of it.
Deciding not to acknowledge that part of his outburst, I focus on the last part of his statement. “In what way? Because I’ve been treated like a human punching bag for that entire time?” I snap back.
“Because I should have been there to protect you. I should have never let him near you. It’s my fault.” His voice has grown louder, until he’s almost yelling, and I can see the anguish mixed with the frustration.
Stunned at his outburst, I shake my head. “You didn’t make him hit me. I wasn’t your responsibility.”
He scowls. “Oh I know. You made that perfectly clear.”
I push on, determined not to get drawn into reminiscing about that conversation. “I was a grown woman when I let him whisper the lies in my ear. Are you saying it’s my fault for what happened to me?”
His eyes widen as horror washes over his face. “Of course not.”
Exasperation takes over as I throw my hands up in the air. “Then why is it your fault? It’s not like you placed me in front of him and said ‘here you go, have at it’. You warned me that I wasgetting in over my head by entering into a relationship with him, and it was my choice what I did from there. If I’m able to understand that I didn’t deserve what he did to me, despite living through the physical abuse and his mental games, than you can damn well accept thatneitherof us are to blame for his actions.”
Silence falls over us both while we stare at each other. Unable to tell if my words have sunk in for him, I have no idea what else I can say on the matter.
Eventually, he shakes his head. “I just… I need to process all of this.”
My shoulders drop as I nod. “Okay.”
Staring at me for a few moments longer, he finally turns away. “I’ll just… I’ll speak to you in the morning.”
“Okay,” I say.
Guess I’m back to one word answers with this man.
With all my cards laid out on the table, it’s up to him now what he does with them.
When he hesitates, for a brief, hopeful, second, I think maybe he’s going to throw caution to the wind. That he’ll turn around and ravish me like I so desperately want.
But he finally just shakes his head again and walks into his bedroom, shutting the door gently behind him.
18
YOU ARE EXQUISITE, ANGEL
SEBASTIAN
Once I enter my room,I sit on the edge of my bed and bury my face in my hands.
I’ve long known Lily would be my undoing, but this is the first time I’ve realised just how far under my skin she truly is.
I haveneverkissed anyone like that before. Well… Anyoneelse. But I can’t let myself think about that.
For that brief few moments, my control had snapped and I wanted to own every part of her. I wanted to consume her.
I hadn’t been lying when I told her that I never experience true emotion during sex. It is a physical act for me, plain and simple. Even when I’m with Imogen and it is a mutually beneficial experience, there is no true emotion, just two friends fucking because of our ridiculously high libidos.
But kissing Lily… Fucking hell, if this is what it feels like just to kiss her, I’m not sure I can handle the intense emotions sex will most likely unleash within me.
Out in the main room, I hear Lily moving around, and I resist the urge to go back out. Because despite the warringemotions, I want to explore this further. Now that I’ve kissed her, it’s like something inside me has awoken after being locked away for years. A primal need that is nothing to do with finding release.
