Page 72 of Ruin
“I get it. It’s hard to feel like you’re worthy after a lifetime of being told that you’re not going to amount to anything.” She shoots Annika an exasperated smile. “Honey, not everyone was born confident like you. Some of us had to learn it.”
Sebastian clears his throat. He is still watching me closely, and I reluctantly bring my gaze to his.
“Actually, Imogen…” He stops for a moment before shaking his head. “The Lily I know is an absolute force of nature. Annika has always reminded me of how she was when I first met her.”
I swallow, unsure how to respond as the same haunted expression from Monday morning appears on his face. Like he still sees that Lily now.
The Lily that no longer exists.
Eventually, I shake my head. “I was never that confident. Annika is cool and just… I don’t know. Way funner than me.”
Annika preens. “Why, thank you. But also, bullshit.”
I blink. “Excuse me?”
She smirks, crossing her arms. “I call bullshit. Lily, in the two months you’ve been here, you’ve come out of your shell, and it’s obvious that there is a bad-arse bitch hidden behind that shy waif you’ve been forced to become.”
Imogen laughs. “I think that’s Annika’s way of saying you’re awesome and have been through something horrible, but are already showing signs of healing.”
Annika waves her hand towards Imogen. “Yeah, what she said.”
Sebastian shakes his head. “Could you ladies give us a moment?”
Both women pause briefly before exchanging a glance and nodding, heading back out the door together.
I shift my weight from one foot to the other, unable to meet his gaze properly.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know she was going to burst in here without knocking,” I say once the door closes behind them.
He waits for me to look at him properly before giving me a small smile. “That happens at least four or five times a week in this place. I’ve given up on asking people to knock, and most of them are just hoping to walk in on something that they can either watch or take part in, I suspect.”
Not quite sure how to respond to that, I lean against Imogen’s desk and wait for him to say whatever it is he needed them to leave for.
“Are you okay?” he asks, studying my face.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
He raises an eyebrow. “Because you just walked in on me with another woman.”
I cross my arms. “It’s not like you owe me anything. I was just surprised, that’s all. I didn’t even know you were back, and wasn’t expecting to see the two of you doing… whatever you were doing… in your office first thing in the morning.”
He’s quiet for a moment, running his gaze over me with a wary look on his face.
“Annika was right, you know. You should have more faith in your abilities,” he says after a moment.
Guess we’re just going to pretend like things aren’t weird between us and he didn’t run off to Sydney to get away from me.
Sighing, I run a hand through my hair. “I just… Sebastian, I’m thirty-two, have no money, have never had a job and am essentially on the run while I hide from my past. I have no right to be dreaming about a future when I don’t know how to get out of that situation. I know I’m incredibly fortunate to have you and Daniel protecting me, but… I don’t know how to do any of this stuff.”
He frowns and leans forward to rest his forearms on the desk.
God, he is such a beautiful man. Despite the depressing thoughts in my head, the feelings I have for him are always close to the surface.
“Your age has no relevance to this conversation. You have been through more in your thirty-two years than many people twice your age. I personally think you are one of the strongest people I know. You always have been. And I know you are capable of great things. But..” He hesitates again, and I feel a sinking sensation in my stomach.
This is where he tells me that he agrees that I shouldn’t reach so high. That I’m not good enough.
“Perhaps it’s time we look into getting you that divorce?”
