Page 33 of Ruin
I flick her a surprised look. “Why would that make me think any differently about him?”
She grins. “That is the perfect answer, and what I’d hoped you’d say.”
I shake my head. “No, nothing about what I saw last night changed anything for me.”
She’s quiet again, that thoughtful expression lingering, and I wonder what’s coming next. “So… What is it that you want?”
Frowning, I hesitate for a moment before asking, “What do you mean, what I want?”
“I mean, you must have felt things when you saw everything last night. Sebastian hinted that you gave him a rather well deserved tongue lashing afterwards when he intimated you shouldn’t have been there. So… what is it that you want for yourself?”
It takes me a few seconds to understand why there is a sudden tightening sensation in my chest. But once I realise the cause, it takes all my self control not to cry, although I feel the tears prick the corners of my eyes.
“You know, in thirty-two years… You are one of only three people to ask me that question.”
She blinks a few times, her eyebrows raised. “Seriously?”
I nod. “Yeah. You, Daniel and… Sebastian.”
She lets out a long breath, shaking her head slightly. “Fuck… That’s shit Lily.”
I choke out a laugh, and it comes out sounding like a sob. Or maybe I’m actually crying. Who even knows at this point?
I struggle to compose myself, and she watches me with a sad smile while I ask myself what I want. What I truly want.
Finally, I blink back the tears and lift my chin, taking a deep breath. “I think… I want to dance again. I want to finish my degree. Or, well, I guess start again, since I’m pretty sure it’s too many years since I stopped studying for me to use those subjects for credit.” She looks surprised, and I know it wasn’t what she’d expected me to say.
I’ve not mentioned how much I’ve missed dancing to anyone, not ready to think about how much I gave up because of Joseph. But as I’ve grown more comfortable here, the need to dance has grown stronger.
“And… I want to explore.”
A smile slowly appears on Annika’s lips, and her eyes light up. “What do you want to explore, Lily?”
She’s going to make me say it.
I steel myself and hold her gaze. “I want to explore what I like sexually. I want to find out who I really am.”
The smile morphs into a wicked grin. “Now we’re talking.”
16
WHAT IF I WANT YOU TO RUIN ME?
SEBASTIAN
After a long showerwhere the scalding water had done nothing to erase the thoughts in my head, I throw on a pair of sweatpants, not bothering with a shirt, and head back into the kitchen. I’m pouring myself a glass of whiskey when the door to my suite opens and Annika lets herself in.
I raise an eyebrow, about to ask her what she’s doing, just waltzing in here, when Lily appears behind her.
She casts me a wary glance, and I study her for a moment, noticing the way her gaze halts on my shirtless torso. Given she saw me completely naked with my cock in a man’s arse twenty-four hours ago, I think she can handle seeing me without a shirt on.
“To what do I owe this pleasure, Annika?” I ask, lifting the glass to my lips while I turn my focus to the curvy brunette with mischief in her eyes.
I’d thought she might be the safer option to start the conversation, but nowI’m not so sure.
“Lily and I have been talking,” she says, and I have to resist the urge to groan.
This is going to hurt my head, I can already tell.
