Page 12 of Twisted Salvation
“It’s… Fuck, I hate this,” I sigh.
“Let’s start with breathing, okay?” he suggests. I nod and close my eyes. I focus on the sounds of his breathing, and he talks me through slowly breathing in, holding it, and slowly exhaling. When I open my eyes, he looks more relaxed. He is focused on just me, and it helps draw me in more. Everything else drifts away, and my mind is quiet, finally.
“When I got home, I focused on just cleaning and making dinner. He went out, and I assume it was with Dad. He always goes out and drinks with him on Friday nights. He came home drunk, but he was just ignoring me. A cop showed up, and he went out on the porch and talked for a while. When he came in, he said that an unofficial report was made for rape against him. He also said he and his patient today were mentioned. He asked what I said to the cops, but I told him I talked to you about it. I fucked up, and he found out you are a man… Then he just… lost his mind… He accused me of cheating. He wouldn’t listen to me. He slapped me and kept saying I was cheating. He asked what your name was. I tried to say I’d stop seeing you, but he grabbed me by the throat. I smelled the whiskey on his breath, and I shut down. I told him, and he punched me. He kicked me, pinning me to the ground with his foot. He showed me a picture of you from the website for your practice, and when I said it was you, he slammed my face into the floor and walked away. I was trying to get up on my feet as he was walking back with a gun. I was trying to get up, but he punched me again, and I fell back on my back. He put the gun to my h-head and I…”
“Stop for a second,” he says softly. “Take a deep breath.
“I begged him not to shoot me,” I say tearfully.
“Breathe with me, Myra,” he encourages. Both of my wrists are bandaged now, so he has his hand over mine as they rest on my belly. I keep my eyes on Dominic as he shows me how he wants me to take a deep breath. When I calm down, I continue.
“He, uh… He p-pulled my pants down, and uh, he rolled me. I was t-trying to get away from him, but he… He shot the floor beside my h-head. My ears were ringing, and I was frozen, but then he just… He… shoved himself into my butt, and… it reminded me that I was alive. I thought for a second that maybe I wasn’t when my ears were ringing… He was so violent and was saying mean things, calling me useless. He said he owned me until I eventually killed myself. My nails were digging into the floor, and I broke them, making them bleed. He said he should just kill me and had the gun to the back of my head… He set the gun down and drank a bunch of whiskey from the bottle on the table… He just kept going and going… When he finished, he got up. I stayed there until he told me to clean up the blood. He used a condom and there was b-blood. He dropped it, but when I went to pick it up… He kneed me in the face. He grabbed me by the throat again and told me that no one will ever want m-me. He said I’m just like my mom, and I’d die just like she did. I tried to apologize again, but he just told me to go to the bathroom. I don’t know why, but I went. He screamed at me to get into the tub. I thought he was going to hit me again, so I did. Then he grabbed my makeup bag… He came over with one of the razors… I begged him not to do it. I don’t know why I didn’t fight… I knew what he was going to do, but… He said, ‘It’s so tragic that you took your own life. You were such a wonderful woman with a bright future.’ He cut so deep… It hurt so bad… Blood was everywhere… He told me that I was loved by so many people… And then he called me worthless. My heart was racing, and I was breathing really fast. My mind was numb after that. I felt so at peace… He locked the door from the inside and just… left me there… I knew I needed to slow the bleeding, so I got myself out of the tub. I knew if I called you, you’d save me. I didn’t want to die… I don’t think I ever wanted to die. I just wanted my brain to shut up. I needed that kind of peace without having to bleed for it. I tried to wrap my wrists as best as I could and lay down. I was so tired… I sent my location to you because I knew you’d help me. I didn’t want you to think I killed myself. I was afraid you’d think you didn’t try hard enough to help me… But you did. You kept me alive so many times. All of the times I’d call you in the middle of the night and talk about nothing at all… Just hearing your voice calmed me down. When I’d call or text at night, I was trying to convince myself not to give up… I didn’t want to die… I wanted to live for you. Maybe I should want to live for me, but I can’t see past my anxiety sometimes, but you can. You’ve always seen me for who I am without all the pain and panic. I used to have friends like that, but they all left me. You never left me… You never called me worthless or useless. I just wanted you to save me.”
By the time I stop rambling about everything he has done for me, he is teary-eyed again. Embarrassment sweeps over me when I realize the room is dead silent. My face feels hot suddenly, and I divert my eyes away from Dominic.
“Look at me,” Dominic says.
“I shouldn’t have said that,” I say, crying.
“Did you mean it?” he asks.
“Dominic, I shouldn’t have…”
“Did you mean it, Myra? Did you mean it when you said you were in love with me?” he asks, urging me to be honest.
“Yes,” I whimper.
“Then I don’t ever want to hear you try and talk yourself out of something in fear of what anyone else thinks, Myra,” he says firmly. “You have feelings, and they are valid. Own them like you do the pain. Don’t take the positive away from yourself.”
“It’s not positive if it’s not reciprocated,” I say, trying not to cry.
“I’m right here, Myra,” he says gently.
“It’s not the same, and you fucking know it,” I say, raising my voice. “I don’t need you to blow smoke up my ass. I need honesty. I need to know if my admittance just cost me the only person I trust. I don’t want you to be here out of fucking pity, Dom. I need…”
My breath hitches, and I stop talking when he leans down into me with his hand beside my head. His body is pressed against mine just enough that I can feel the weight of his body without the pressure. He has a feral look in his eye that he’s always kept hidden. “I’m going to explain something, but I need you to just listen to me, okay?”
“Okay,” I choke out.
“I should have dropped you as a patient a long time ago, Myra. The moment I realized I cared about you as more than just my patient, I should have passed you off to someone else. I never should have been your psychiatrist for years because every time you were in myoffice, all I wanted to do was touch you. Even just a hug. I want to make you happy in every possible way, but I am battling with my morals here. Moving you in with me is about to be the best or worst decision I’ve ever made, but I’m still going to do it. I’m still going to keep you as close to me as I possibly can, because I can’t give you up. I can’t take the chance that someone will make you happier than I can. I can’t take the chance of losing you, so I’m being selfish. I am choosing to keep you for myself, so if that’s not what you want, I highly advise you to speak up.”
“You’re being evasive,” I say simply.
“No, I’m trying…”
“You’re being evasive,” Matt says. “Say what you mean, or don’t say it at all.”
“I don’t believe I asked the peanut gallery, asshole,” Dominic says, glancing at his friend with a smirk.
“I need you to be blunt with me,” I say. “You’ve always been blunt. You’ve always seen past my trauma. If you can do it in that office, I need you to do it in the hospital too.”
“I’m in love with you, Myra,” he says, still pressing his body against mine. “I compare every woman to you, but none of them will ever live up to who you are—who I know you can be.”
“W-What does that mean then?” I ask carefully.
“He was a fucking idiot for thinking he owns you, Myra. I am the only one who will ever have the pleasure of owning you,” Dominicsays before cradling my arm and gently kissing the back of my hand. “You’re mine now.”
After Dominic claimed me as his, Natalie kicked everyone out so she could check me to make sure I didn’t have any severe damage. Luckily, I have only minor tears that will heal on their own. Once she was done, Dominic returned to my side. Natalie got me discharged into Dominic’s care, and he wasted no time getting me back to his truck. Only then did I notice that he and I are both drenched in blood. Matt and Natalie as well.
