Page 69 of Heart of Snow
Trying not to break eye contact, I skimmed my arms over the bathwater in search of a cloth for cover.
“I like you, Margaretha. You have a lovely career at court ahead of you, if you manage it well, so with your best interests in mind, I wish to offer some advice. Stay away from Felipe. He will bring you nothing but trouble and ruin.”
I lifted my chin, attempting to look dignified. “I thank you for your concern, but the prince’s behavior toward me has beenabove reproach. He’s made no untoward advances, and I should never succumb to them if he did.”
Mary’s lips twitched, and a little huff of laughter escaped her mouth. “Comtess, you’re as innocent as a newborn lamb if you believe you can outwit my nephew. I know you’ve taken great pains with your reputation, winning yourself an abundance of admirers while keeping yourself pure as the driven snow, but if you think you can play that game with Felipe, you really are naive.” She moved to the door, then turned back to me. “So long as my brother remains, there’s little I can do about his son’s behavior, but once the prince is gone and you’re left in ruin, don’t expect me to intervene when Thieuloye throws you out.”
The queen left the room, closing the door with a loud thunk.
Despite the warmth of the tub, I couldn’t abate my shaking. I ran the soap over my arms, I splashed water on my face, I focused on scrubbing the roots of my hair, but it did little to assuage the anger lit by the queen’s words. She really thought power and a handsome face was all it would take to persuade me into sullying my honor? She’d practically accused me of being a harlot! How could she think so meanly of me?
Stepping out of the bath, I wrapped myself in a towel and looked over my gown’s articles: the necklace from Pempflinger, the decorative combs from Cobaron, and the handkerchief from Egmont bearing my initials. The queen was right: I had made conquests and all while keeping myself above reproach. Did she think I was fool enough to risk my reputation now? I’d known precisely what I was doing with those men, precisely where to draw the line when in banter or play. It was what I’d studied and practiced and sacrificed for. And now to be found morally wanting when I’d done nothing to bring my honor into question?
Remembering Felipe’s impassioned kisses in a dark closet, heat rushed to my cheeks. It was no compromise of honor to kissa man, but secret rendezvous were harder to explain away. Why had I taken such a foolish risk?
My skin was almost raw when I finished toweling myself dry. Ilsa poked her head around the door, closing it softly behind her. “We must dress you quickly. The ladies are readying to mount for the hunt.”
I stood numb and silent while Ilsa turned me this way and that, cinching and pinching to tuck me into my riding garb. She plaited my hair and coiled it at the back of my head, pinning a hat atop my crown before prodding me out the door. Blending into the line of ladies, I sneaked side glances at Anna and Jakelina, at Helena and Dorthea on our walk to the stables. Did they see me as the queen saw me, a would-be doxy just waiting to be plucked? Could a few short months be enough to bring my carefully guarded reputation crumbling to the ground?
Perhaps the queen was right. Perhaps the naivete of Wildungen clung to me, as impossible to shrug off as my own skin. Maybe it was that naivete that had cost me Egmont. A savvier woman might have found a way to keep his attentions without spurning Felipe’s. A savvier woman might have won her brother’s freedom in half the time, not be plodding along a year and more later, having yet to broach the subject with anyone.
We entered the stables, where I came upon Friedrich—my biggest blunder of all. A savvier woman would never have let herself fall for someone so impossibly beyond her reach.
***
Friedrich
I recognized the countess’s soft step but kept my eyes down, only acknowledging her presence by walking the horse toward the mounting block. I was required to offer my arm but half-expected her to shun it like she had at the tournament. Instead,she rested her gloved hand on me, even giving my arm a gentle squeeze before settling into her saddle.
“Thank you, Friedrich.”
Her words caught me off guard, and I looked into her soaring blue eyes to see genuine gratitude. And a little more sadness than usual. Clearing my throat, I pretended to adjust the stirrup latchet, hoping she couldn’t see how much she still had the power to affect me.
“Will you come with me today?” she asked. “I need a foot huntsman.”
“I am your servant; I will do as you command.” I moved around the horse, adjusting the girth strap.
“I would never command you, Friedrich. I’ve no right to. After what I did to you, to your mother... It is I who should be serving you.” She scrubbed a hand over her nose, going silent.
I felt I should say something, but what? That I’d forgiven her? I couldn’t lie, no matter how unhappy she looked up there on her horse with her head bowed.
I said the only honest thing I could. “I fear you’d make a poor servant, my lady.”
She lifted her chin, quirking a smile. “Then I shall spare you that, at least.”
We ambled into the courtyard, joining the slow-moving train on its way to the royal hunting grounds. The weather was hot and uncomfortable, but after arriving at the grounds, it became almost unbearable. The prince took quick notice of the countess. He left his horse with his page, separating himself from the milling nobles and taking the countess by the waist to help her off her horse.
“Where were you,mea columba? I couldn’t find you at the palace.”
“The ladies-of-honor fell behind in the train. I’m afraid I am to blame for our tardiness.”
The prince clucked his tongue. “And I thought my kiss would leave you eager to see me.”
Kiss?My head snapped to attention. Margaretha’s glance told me she’d noticed.
“You would make a flirt of me, Your Grace.” Her voice took a scolding tone, but he laughed.
“And you would make a feeble lover of me, my lady, dismissing my kiss so easily.” He caught up her hand, leaning close to whisper in her ear. I only caught the wordssoftandskin, but it was more than I wanted to hear. I prayed for a stiff breeze to blow the prince’s words to oblivion.
