Page 91 of Heart of Snow
“I forgive you,” he whispered.
The emotions began to take real shape. Pain, anger, fear. Hope and joy.
“I truly, fully forgive you.” He lifted my hand up to his lips, setting a gentle kiss over my scar.
I shut my eyes against the prick of tears as Friedrich’s words found purchase, cutting loose a weight chained round my soul. The tears came faster. Too many to blink back, they leaked out the corners of my eyes and trickled down my face.
Friedrich’s soft lips brushed the traces of my tears—first on one cheek, then the other—before they swept to my mouth, his warm breath hovering over my lips. We’d been here before, on the edge of something momentous, only this time he knew the truth. He knew everything I’d done, yet he erased the distance between us, touching his lips to mine.
His kiss was careful at first, almost timid, but slowly it deepened, his arms curling around me and holding me to him with a hunger born of penitence and longing. He wanted me. Not in the dangerous, passionate way the prince wanted me. He wantedme. My spirit, my mind, and my heart.
He moved his arms from my waist, cupping my jaw in his hands as his kiss softened to something achingly tender. It was faithful and honest, and the warmth of it seeped into my veins, spreading slowly but steadily throughout my body until it collected around my quiet, sleeping heart, numb and cold after years of self-loathing.
But Friedrich knew the truth, had seen the blackest parts of me, and cared for me still, forgiving me for every wrong I’d done.
Maybe someday I could forgive myself too.
At that thought, warmth enveloped my heart. A gentle fluttering murmured beneath my ribs, then grew to a rhythmic drumbeat, each stroke bringing the world around me into vivid reality. The dark behind my eyelids now danced with hints of color. A breeze, once whispering through trees outside the glass, now rushed through spinning leaves like a river over rocks. Friedrich’s lips now tasted of cloves and honey, mingled with the salt of my tears. And though I was senseless to it before, his heartbeat now pulsed against my chest. My heart sang in rhythm with his, feeling alive, feeling the numbness flee, and feeling totally, wholly loved. Loved by Friedrich. Loved by myself.
I threw my arms around Friedrich’s shoulders, crushing my mouth against his while I slid my hand up his neck into his hair. His sudden, shocked breath delighted me enough that I couldn’t stop from smiling and ruining the kiss.
He pulled back with a grin, his joy bringing my feelings into overwhelming clarity.
“I love you, Friedrich.” The plain, honest words came out without hesitation.
His eyes went wide, but then his features softened, and he rubbed his thumb over my cheek.
“I hid away that truth, too afraid to admit it to myself.” I shook my head. “It’s still hard to believe you could truly forgive me. I know how undeserving I am of—”
Friedrich put his finger over my lips to stop me, and I smiled.
I pulled his hand away, wrapping it in my grasp. “I want to believe... I hope I really am worthy of this kind of happiness.”
He didn’t speak for a time, swallowing hard as though he were fighting back emotion. Then he whispered, “I love you too.”
I tipped onto my toes to meet his lips again, and he was quick to respond, kissing me with an earnestness that left us both breathless. When we broke apart, I had to lean my forehead against his to steady the spinning room.
“I need to go,” I whispered.
His fingers traced the outline of my lips, making my pulse dance. “Remember who you are, Margaretha. Remember what you’re worth. Don’t let Belinda or the prince convince you of anything. You deserve real love.”
I nodded, trying to let the words sink in. Trying to absorb them and believe them and make myself understand that all my previous views of myself had been wrong. Such a monumental shift in perspective; it would take time. But it felt beautiful and right and worth the struggle. “I’ll endeavor to remember.”
Lingering in Friedrich’s warmth and gentle kiss for just a moment more, I finally broke away, whispering my reluctant goodbye.
When I walked back to Belinda’s chambers, my step was as resolute as my intentions. I was done sacrificing my life to make amends. Though it made my heart ache knowing I would forever lose my chance to save my brother, tomorrow I would meet with Felipe to tell him the truth; that no matter the consequences, I would never submit to the prince.
Chapter 43
Margaretha
The hum of chatter fromBelinda and her maid gave the impression that the nervous squirming in my stomach had turned to a swarm of bees. It was bad enough to be refusing Felipe, but I had yet to tell Belinda of my resolve, and I dreaded it. I was not accustomed to defying her, but this time, she was wrong. I took a deep breath, preparing myself to confront her while Ilsa dressed me for my ride with the prince.
“You shake too much,” Ilsa complained. “Sit on the bed or I’ll never get your foot in the shoe.”
My whole body was in a tremor of nerves. “I am fine,” I said but swayed enough that I had to use the bedpost to keep from falling.
“Ilsa, get her wine.” Belinda took my elbow, helping me settle on the bed. “You shouldn’t go out, Margaretha. You are not well enough to walk, let alone ride.”
