Page 7 of Heart of Snow
Belinda’s eyes lit up, and I knew she was letting herself imagine it: the luxury, the opulence, the attention of powerful suitors poised to raise her up in the world’s estimation. She was an amazing friend and guide—something closer to an older sister or even a mother—but I’d never cared much for her social aspirations. Perhaps they were a product of being raised even poorer than I. I shouldn’t judge her for it.
The sparkle left Belinda’s gaze, and she shook her head. “You perpetually undervalue your beauty. Besides, the queen’s invitation is for you.”
I grasped at another objection. “Well, what good would it do me, winning a man with the kaiser’s favor, if the kaiser isn’t even in Brussels?”
“Not yet, but he will be, come autumn. Your father said the kaiser is bringing his son up from Spain to let the people meet their future sovereign. Oh!” Belinda gasped, grabbing my knee. “You could woo the kaiser’s son! Surely a prince would have the power to free Samuel.”
“Belinda, you go too far. He would never support a Protestant. Besides, I haven’t the skill to win myself a German baron, let alone a Spanish prince.”
Her smile faltered, and she released my knee. “True.”
“I say we focus on gaining favor with the queen and see if our hunt master will teach me to shoot.”
Belinda scoffed. “Old Bernhold can’t hit a target with his tremors. You’d be better off asking the half-dead soldier in yonder room to teach you. I suspect he’s nearly as young as you.” A slow smile lifted her cheeks. “And he cuts a handsome figure besides, don’t you think?”
I did think so, but I was not ready to admit as much. I still had that nagging sense I should know him from somewhere.
“Maybe he could teach you a thing or twomorethan hunting,” Belinda said.
Throwing her a quick glare, I rebandaged my hand.
“You know, that’s actually a useful idea.” She pulled herself up to kneel. “It could be just the thing, in fact. You only want for some practice, some time around men to give you the confidence you need at court. This soldier could be the one to provide it.”
“He’s ill, Belinda. He’s hardly in a state to countenance my feeble advances.”
“’Tis only a fever. You said yourself his wound wasn’t deep, that he’d recover in a matter of weeks.”
I chewed the inside of my cheek. “And then what? I’ve no idea how to flirt. I haven’t even an excuse to spend time in his company.”
“As I said, have him teach you to hunt. And you needn’t fret about flirting. Do your best, and whenever you err, I’ll correct and tutor you. Then once you’ve procured his confession of love, we’ll move on to another man and then another, until you’re ready to conquer the courts.”
“Confession of love?” I huffed my disbelief. “How could I even... Despite preference, despite compatibility and taste, you expect me to make this man—no, a string of men—fall in love with me?”
Her brow rose. “That’s precisely what you’ll be doing in Brussels.”
That was true. I wouldn’t have the luxury of hoping a man would take me as I am. I’d have to choose the most powerful noble and mold myself into the kind of woman he desired. I shivered and pulled my knees up to my chest, hugging them. This all felt wrong.
“Is he not handsome enough for you?” Belinda misinterpreted my silence.
I laughed. “Old Bernhold’s looks would suit me better. A handsome man only makes me more nervous.” Already I was twisting my chemise into knots around my ankles. “But I don’t know that it’s right, toying with a man’s affections for the sake of... education.”
“Oh goodness, we needn’t trouble ourselves over a common soldier. He will bear his disappointments and find a woman on his level. No doubt sooner than he should,” she muttered. “But don’t think of him; think of Samuel. What’s a month’s worth of this soldier’s injured pride when compared to the possibility of saving your brother’s life?”
I shook my head, still feeling uncertain.
“Have you considered, Margaretha, what else Samuel’s freedom would signify for you? For me?”
“What do you mean?”
She rested a hand on my wrist, drawing my eye to the bandage covering my burn. “Freedom from this haunting guilt. Saving a life to atone for the life we took.” She raised her eyes, giving me a penetrating stare. “Redemption.”
“Redemption?” As I whispered the word, a strange pressure built in my chest—a dull push, repeating slow and quiet, like a distant thudding of a drum. It felt as though my heart was stirring, fluttering to life after years of numbed silence. Could saving Samuel’s life truly make amends? Could I really be absolved of the healer’s death?
All the years spent studying healing, bandaging cuts and brewing electuaries for the infirm, had never felt enough. But perhaps this... this could be enough to rescue our eternal souls from hell.
I straightened my back and met Belinda’s gaze. “I’ll do it.”
Chapter 4
