Page 51 of Heart of Snow
“Margaretha, you have always loved Mistress Hatzfeld as a friend.” Father stepped behind me, moving to Belinda’s side and holding out an open hand to her. “Now I hope you will love her as a mother.”
Mother? The word was lead in my brain. I couldn’t swallow, couldn’t blink as Belinda lifted her hand and placed it in Father’s. A ringing started in my ears, growing louder when Father pressed a kiss to her knuckles. It drowned out the cheers of the servants, consuming all sound. Even the flames flickering in the candelabras went dim, draining the room of color until it turned a flat gray.
“Nothing will give me greater honor than to call myself your wife,” Belinda said to Father, with her head demurely bowed.
What was this? Though she’d never confessed it, I thought her in love with Samuel. And now she was marrying Father? Her shifts for power had been a mild annoyance in a lovable friend, but this was too much. When had she managed to win over Father? How? With the very same tactics she’d been teaching me?
Father raised her chin with his finger and set his arm around her waist, facing her toward the string of servants approaching the table to offer congratulations and deep bows to their master and future mistress. I hardly noticed who passed or whose hand I took as, one by one, the household filed through to offer me congratulations. My gaze remained there on my father’s arm wrapped tightly around my lady-in-waiting. My future mother.
I couldn’t stay in the room.
As I pushed forward to leave, Carrera suddenly took my hand, holding me fast. “Felicidades, Countess. What a blessed event.”
“Yes, thank you.” I twisted out of his grasp and found my way to Belinda.
“This is quite a surprise,” I said. “I offer my congratulations.” My words felt as rigid as the hand I held out toward her.
She ignored my hand and pulled me into an embrace, but I kept my arms stiff at my sides.
“Thank you, Margaretha. I wish I could have told you earlier. It was never... I didn’t want...” She sighed and finished with, “I will do my best to be a good and loving mother to you.”
Was that all? The only explanation I was to be given?
Wriggling free of her, I moved to Father and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Sincerest wishes for your joy and happiness, Father,” I whispered, swallowing back the hitch in my voice. An idle tear slipped from my eye, and I rubbed it out against his velvet doublet, breathing in the sweet scent of his pomander and letting myself lean into his strength one last time before pulling away. “I am fatigued and must rest before my journey. Please excuse me.”
“Of course.” He placed a kiss on my head, and I mustered a smile before turning and fleeing.
Friedrich intercepted me by the doors, concern painted plainly on his face. Unable to trust myself to speak with my emotions so close, I tried stepping past him, but he moved in front of me, blocking my way.
“Margaretha, how are you faring?”
I turned away, concealing the unshed tears gathering in my eyes as I rubbed the irritating itch of my nose. “Fine.” My hand paused when I caught the dark smile on Carrera’s face from across the room, his eyes watching Friedrich with frightening diligence.
“I must speak with you, please,” Friedrich begged. “Tonight. Alone.”
“How would I manage that?” I shifted to face him.
“Meet me in the courtyard when the house is still.”
I shook my head. “Friedrich, that’s unwise. I doubt I could even get away. It’s my last night with Belinda, and I’m certain she’ll wish...” My voice trailed when I glanced up to the dais to seeher standing there, all smiles, beside my father. Anger surged inside me. I owed her nothing.
“Yes.” I turned back to Friedrich. “Yes, I’ll be there.”
Chapter 23
Margaretha
Belinda’s snores were soft butrhythmic. She’d slept more soundly the last few weeks, her sleep no longer disturbed by frequent soft whimpers. As I watched her, I wondered what had driven the nightmares away. Love for my father? Or was it his security? I slipped my feet out of bed, pausing when the floor creaked, but Belinda didn’t stir. Still holding my breath, I padded over to the clothes press, fetching shoes and a long cloak, then giving Belinda a final glance before softly closing the chamber door behind me. The corridor floors were cold on my bare feet, but I only risked donning my shoes once I was almost out of the castle.
Outside, the wind stirred, sweeping away the crunch of dead leaves beneath my steps as I moved along the edges of the courtyard. I pulled my cloak tighter around me, leaning into the castle’s shadows and bracing my back against the cold. When a hand gripped my arm, I nearly shrieked, but it was only Friedrich.
“You’re here.” He sounded surprised.
“I said I’d come. Why did you wish to speak with me?” I glanced around us nervously before meeting his eye, and when I did, his jaw tightened, and he stepped toward me.
“You’ve been crying.”
I ducked my eyes. “I haven’t.”
