Page 48 of Only Ever You
My mother was quiet for a long moment before I heard the sound of her sigh filtering through the call. “Is it possible for us to have this conversation face-to-face?”
“Not right now.” I didn’t know what it was about Delaney’s feedback, but I felt a sense of clarity I had never experienced around this.
“Okay. Do you remember the man I was dating at the time?” my mom asked.
I had vague memories of a man. “Not much. I remember I didn’t like him. That’s it.”
“Well, there’s no easy way for me to explain this, but I was young, and I didn’t have good judgment in men. And Dan gave me an ultimatum. He told me that he didn’t wanna deal with a kid, and I was afraid to be alone. I was also afraid of him because he was abusive, so I decided to take you to your dad even though your dad didn’t know you existed then. I knew he was your father. I knew maybe he wasn’t the greatest guy, but he was safe. Please tell me I was right about that.”
I sat there, taking in her explanation. “You were right about that. He’s always been safe and a good dad.”
She let out another sigh, this one heavy and loud. “Thank God.” She cleared her throat and continued. “So, uh, that’s it. It took me almost twelve years to get away from Dan. By that point, I was embarrassed to reach out. I know that isn’t a good excuse, but that’s what happened. I know I hurt you, but I promise it was better for you to be with your dad. I did not have my life together. I loved you, but I didn’t have it in me to do the right thing. I was worried that I couldn’t keep you safe.”
“It definitely wasn’t the right thing,” I said.
“I’m sorry.” I could’ve sworn she sniffled a little, but I didn’t have it in me to feel badly for her, not right now.
“Does it help to understand what happened?” she asked, her voice small.
“I don’t really understand,” I said honestly. “If Dan didn’t want a kid, why didn’t you just leave then?”
“I didn’t know how. I know that’s not a good answer, but it’s the honest answer.”
I took in a slow breath. “I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, but it really fucked me up. I’m okay, but it was really a mess for me.”
“I’m more sorry than I can ever really express.”
Silence echoed through the call. I wasn’t sure what else to say. At this moment, I knew I needed time. “I appreciate that youwant to connect now, but I need time. I’m not sure when I’ll want to reach out again, or if I will. I’m glad you told me the truth, or at least your version of it. I hope you can respect that I need time.”
The quiet felt loud, almost reverberating with pain, before she whispered, “Okay. My phone number won’t change. If something happens and you need to reach out, just call me. I’ll be here whenever you’re ready. Maybe it doesn’t feel like it, but I love you, and I did love you.”
“Okay,” was all I could offer in response to that.
After I ended the call, I sat in my truck. I did a mental body scan. I felt a little hollow, but okay. I sensed there might become a time when I would reach back out, but it would have to wait until I felt ready. While I was sitting there, I abruptly decided I needed to go see Luna. I needed to explain. I tapped out a quick text.
Me:I hope it’s okay if I stop by. On the way.
Chapter Thirty
PARKER
When I rolled to a stop in front of Luna’s place, there was a big RV parked off to the side. Fuck. Her parents. I mentally buckled up and climbed out of my truck. When I knocked on the door and Luna answered, the stress on her face hurt me viscerally. Her features were tight with her eyes pinched at the corners and her mouth a tense straight line.
“Hey.” Even her voice sounded strained.
My girl who liked to do tarot cards, who my dog adored, and who I’d been ignoring because I was a chickenshit, felt bruised. I wanted to chase her parents away.
We stared at each other for a long moment, and I sensed she didn’t know what to do with me showing up. I reached a hand out, catching one of hers. “Can you let me be here for you?”
Although this wasn’t the moment to have the conversation that needed to be had, the intimacy that flourished so easily between us flickered to life. Luna’s eyes softened. She cleared her throat and nodded. “Come in,” she said, swinging the door wide. “These are my parents.” She gestured toward the couple seated at the kitchen table.
Luna shared her mom’s wild curls and her dad’s startlingly bright blue eyes.
The tension in her small kitchen was a physical presence. “Mom, Dad, this is Parker. He’s my –”
When I sensed her hesitation, I jumped in, “Her boyfriend.” I dipped my head in acknowledgment as I studied both of them.
Luna added, “This is Marie and Bill.”
