Page 22 of Only Ever You
I could hear the seriousness in his voice. “I know you are. You know, you could fall in love,” he said, so earnestly it twisted my heart.
When it came to making halfway decent choices, my life had been more of a rip the bandage off approach. I’d made my stupid choices that had given me a brutally quick course in what I didn’t want from life. And yet, I didn’t know how to tell my dad I wasn’t so sure love was on the table for me.
Although the mere mention of the word love conjured the feel of Luna in my arms and her big eyes blinking up at me. If there was anyone I could fall in love with, it would be Luna. Panic spun in my chest when I contemplated that. My fear of abandonment was so big inside it felt all-encompassing. Between my mom bolting from my life and my dad bouncing in and out of jail, trust didn’t come easy. Not so much in people specifically, but more in the universe and in believing things could work out.
I played it cool and laughed. “You never know how things are gonna work out, Dad. Based on your life, it seems like everything works out when the time is right.”
My dad’s soft laugh filtered through the phone. “True enough, but you don’t have to screw up for as long as I did,” he pointed out.
“Dad, I love you, and I’m always glad to talk to you. You know that, but let’s not make every call about how I should fall in love and get married.”
His laugh was wry. “I’m just calling to check in. Tell me what’s new.”
Yet again, my thoughts spun toward Luna. She was the equivalent of the North Star in my brain lately. If I told my dad a single thing about Luna, he’d be all over my case about her.
“Not a whole lot. Livin’ life,” I replied vaguely.
I rolled my truck to a stop in the parking lot at Firehouse Café and tapped the button to turn the engine off. “Stopping to get some coffee, like I do most days. This afternoon, I’m taking Fuzzy for a hike.”
“How is that guy?” my dad asked.
“He’s good. You know Fuzzy, he’s easy come, easy go with life. So when did you say you’re gonna be nearby for your honeymoon?”
“Well, we’re doing that ferry trip soon, so I’ll text you the dates.”
“As long as we don’t get called out to a fire, I’ll be here. You know we’re in fire season, so that could happen.”
“Oh, I know.”
“Well, what’s up with you, Dad? I mean, aside from love and all that.”
“I’m doing good. Going to my NA meetings, loving life with my lady.”
“It’s always good to hear from you, Dad. Love you and talk to you soon, okay?”
“You know it. Love you too.” I ended the call, smiling as I climbed out of my truck.
In spite of everything, I’d never for a second doubted my dad loved me. When I was a kid, my dad had a clumsy emotional quality. As if he wasn’t sure how to get it right. Older and wisernow, I understood there was no getting everything right in life. He’d fumbled his way through.
“Parker!” a voice called as I approached the door to the café.
Turning, I grinned, calling, “Hey!”
As my friend Hudson approached, he pocketed his keys when he reached my side. “What are you up to today?”
“Getting coffee and hopefully a donut.”
Hudson clapped me on the shoulder as we turned and continued walking in together. It would always amaze me that we’d met in detention, become best friends, lost touch, and reconnected years later. Life was funny sometimes. It spun in different directions. Sometimes mistakes could be the best thing that ever happened when you took the lesson offered from them.
I couldn’t help the anticipation that began to buzz through my veins when we got in line at the counter. Luna wasn’t always here, but she was often here. Even though we’d made plans for the hike today, I didn’t know if she’d be here. Disappointment gusted through me when we got to the front of the line and she wasn’t there.
Hudson immediately asked, “How fresh are the donuts?”
Casey grinned. “An hour, and there’s only four left. You’d better get them now because Luna’s left for the day.”
“Give me all four,” Hudson said quickly.
I elbowed him in the side. “I’d like one.”
