Page 92 of His to Teach
I love Nate because when I was with him, I felt sexy and beautiful and important. And because I always knew I could trust him. With my body, with my submission. With my heart. I trusted him with everything.
“Nate and I were really good together,” I tell my brother in a shaky voice. “So good that I was willing to take risks. So good that I was willing to make sacrifices. He made me happy, Mason.”
I steal a glance at my brother. He has a grumpy expression on his face but it’s almost…resigned. He definitely doesn’t look disappointed, or condescending. Instead, he sighs heavily. “I still don’t like it. I’m afraid it’s a really bad idea.” His gaze meets mine head on. “But I also know that you’re much smarter than me, so I guess I’m just going to have to trust your decisions.”
My mouth drops open. That’s the last thing in the world I thought he would say.
Mason holds up a finger. “I’m still set on you finishing your master’s degree,” he says firmly. “Not for any other reason than I know it’s important to you. And you deserve to make that dream come true.”
I nod, feeling dazed. Then my stomach drops. It’s nice to hear him say all that, even if it isn’t quite a full-fledged approval of our relationship. But it doesn’t really matter when it comes down to it, does it? Nate made his choice. And it wasn’t me.
I sigh, crumpling up my napkin. “I don’t think you have to worry too much about Nate.” The words feel heavy leaving my mouth. “But I do promise I’m going to finish school. You’re right about that.” I have no idea how I’m supposed to walk onto that campus with Nate there, but I’m going to have to figure out a way. If my brother is finally going to treat me like an adult, I have to act like one.
“Speaking of school,” he says, glancing down at his watch.
I take that as my cue to stand. We’re quiet again as we make our way back to my apartment, but it doesn’t feel so heavy this time. In fact, I haven’t felt this comfortable around my brother in ages.
Which is why, when we finally reach his car, I throw my arms around his neck. “Thank you for coming.” He’s still for a moment, as if surprised by my display, and it hits me that I carry some blame in what our relationship turned into over the years. I haven’t done much to treat him like a friend either.
Finally, Mason’s arms come up around me, holding me tight. “Let’s see a movie soon, okay?” he asks. “My treat.”
I’m grinning wide when I pull back. “You’re on.”
Get out of the car,Harper,I tell myself for the dozenth time.Just get out and go into the building.
Every time I think I’ve built myself up enough, I imagine seeing him inside, and my stomach sinks, sending me right back to square one.
I try to hold onto my brother’s words.You deserve to have that dream come true.Getting my master’sismy dream. It always has been. And I can’t fail just because of a guy, even a guy as amazing as Nate Chase. I wouldn’t just be letting Mason down—I’d be letting myself down too.
It’s that thought that finally has me climbing out of the car. I somehow manage to keep my shoulders back and straight as I walk into the psych building.Just nod at him and go to your desk,I tell myself. I can do that. I can ignore how entirely gorgeous he is. I won’t think about that little dip he gets in his cheek when he smiles big, not quite deep enough to be a dimple but adorable all the same.
“Stop it,” I mutter out loud, pausing in front of the door. I take one last deep breath, and push my way in.
Nate isn’t there. For a moment, I let myself relax. And then I realize that the rest of the research students are gathered in a small group by his desk, talking softly, everyone looking on edge.
I swallow hard, a cold sliver of unease dripping down into my stomach. Just how far had those rumors about me and Nate spread?
George looks up to see me hovering near the door. “Harper!” He waves me over. “Did you hear the news?”
“Are you feeling better?” Kim asks as I approach, my heart pounding hard.
“Um, yeah,” I say, distracted as I wonder exactly what this news might be. “Stomach bug.”
George makes a face. “That sucks. Glad you’re back.”
“Yeah,” Kevin says drily. “You’re just in time for us all to lose our positions.”
“What?” I ask, totally lost.
“We’re screwed.” Kim’s voice is flat.
“We’re not screwed,” George argues, but he looks worried. “The department will find another project for us to work on.”
“Easy for you to say,” Kevin snaps. “You’re a first-year. I’m graduating in the spring. Do you have any idea how much this screws things up for me?”
I hold up a hand. “Can someone tell me what’s going on?”
“Dr. Chase quit today.”
