Page 79 of His to Teach
I give her a sad smile. “Sacrifices, sure. But you’re not supposed to give up who you are. If I learned anything from what happened with Renee, it’s that.”
She stiffens. “This isn’t the same.”
“It is the same. You’re telling me you’d be willing to abandon this huge part of your life—your dreams, your ambition—just to be with me. Renee and I tried that, both of us thinking we could be something different to hang on to each other. It didn’t work.”
Harper runs her hands over her eyes, trying to catch the tears that are spilling over. I remember how insistent she’d been onnot crying last night, and how I’d been able to give her the gift of releasing those tears at last.
I’d been proud of that, then. But now all I can think is how much worse this would all be if her brother knew the true nature of our relationship. Fuck, I spanked her until she sobbed in my arms, until her skin was red under my hands.
He’s going to ruin you.
Mason’s words ring in my ears and, for the first time since Renee left, I find myself sickened by my lifestyle. Maybe itisas fucked up as the rest of the world thinks. Maybe I will be doing her a favor by setting her free from all of this.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her, turning away because I can’t stand to look at her crying for a second longer. I search the floor for my shirt, finding it strewn over a bookcase, where she had flung it while undressing me last night.
Don’t think about that. Don’t think about any of it.
“Wait,” Harper says, tugging on my arm as I reach for the shirt. “You’re not leaving like this.”
“I have to.” It’s everything I can do to keep my voice emotionless. “It’s better for you.”
“Bullshit!” she cries. “Nate!”
“I’m sorry, angel,” I mutter, pulling on my shirt, refusing to look at her. I’m afraid that if I do, I won’t be able to help from falling at her feet.
“So is everything you said last night bullshit too?” she asks, her voice shaking. “You said you loved me!”
I close my eyes. “It wasn’t bullshit.” I take a deep breath, trying to muster up some of my famous control, and turn back to her. The sight of her, so scared and pained, almost sends me reeling. But I have to do this.
“I told you last night that taking care of you is the most important thing to me. And that’s why I have to go now.”
“That doesn’t make any sense!”
I hate the pain I hear in her voice, the way her eyes are swimming in it. The way her fingers reach for me, like she’s desperate to hang on. I have to touch her, even if it’s the last time.
I grasp her shoulders, pulling her into me, taking both of her hands in one of mine when she goes to slip them around my neck. I can’t let her touch me. If she touches me, I’m never leaving this room.
I lean down, pressing my lips into her forehead, trying to imprint the smell of roses and vanilla that always seems to cling to her skin. “It’s for the best,” I tell her.
And then I turn and leave her room, leave the apartment, not bothering to say anything to Mason or Emma. I need to get out of here, right now, or I won’t be able to go at all.
I try to ignore the sound of a sob finally ripping free from her throat as I slip through the door. I’d been so relieved to hear that sound last night, knowing it meant she was letting go. But today, all it does is cause me pain. Staggering, heart-ripping pain.
And I know deep down that it’s not going to get any better. Not without her in my life.
HARPER
Ican’t believe he actually left.
I sit there in my room, shocked into complete stillness, tears pouring unchecked down my cheeks, and I watch the door, sure he’s going to come back at any minute.
He has to come back.
I have no idea how much time has passed when Emma appears in the doorway. Sympathy fills her eyes. “Sweetie,” she begins, stepping towards me.
“No.” I hold up a hand. I don’t want her comfort. I don’t want anything but Nate. Why hasn’t he come back?
Then Mason appears behind her and all the pain I’m feeling suddenly finds a target. “How could you do this to me?” I scream at him.
